MORE FUN THAN A WELL OILED MIDGET AND A CANDYCANE BY ZOMBE ZANE

What it do- what it do motherfuckers! We’re baaaaaaaaaaaack! Did you miss us? Of course you did. Hope everyone out there had a happy Thanksgiving. As for Sasha and I, our holiday was awesome! We totally ate till we puked, drank till we passed out, and had enough time to attend a spanking party. All in all, not a bad holiday. So, what’s poppin, slimes?

As for me, I’m doing good. My New York Football Giants continue to take it on the chin. I hate the fucking Saints! We had such promise a few weeks ago. How the mighty have fallen. Oh well, whatta ya gonna do. 

Anyway, it’s been a while since we’ve talked some horror. How about we get to some? So since the holidays are here, Sasha and I have decided to sprinkle in some holiday horror movies for ya. We figure on doing a couple each week so be sure to look for them.

I’m also gonna give you a list of some of my favorite holiday horror movies I know that you can’t wait for that. Not sure when though. It’ll be this week for sure I’m just not sure on day. I think I’m also gonna go out on a limb and do a book review. That’s right, I can read motherfucker.  

As far as what Sasha has for ya this week, I know she’s gonna be reviewing the film, “Dead End,” which by the way is a great holiday horror film. Umm...she may do some Masters of Horror, not sure what else though. But as you know by now, it’s gonna be good. I mean when is it ever not?

Oh yeah, one more important note. We’re gonna be posting our normal schedule (which is Mon-Fri for those who are new here) up until December 19. Then, due to the holidays, we’re gonna shut it down until after the new year. Not sure our return date, but it won’t be long after Jan. 1
That is if we are all still here.

Don’t be sad, what did you expect? Sasha and I do have family believe it or not. And we even on occasion get into the whole Christmas thing. We are human...well, kinda we are. 

Anywho, that’s it for today. Be sure and check back tomorrow and see what’s on the slab. Maybe Sasha will be half naked like she was last night...Until then, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and jump up and slap your pappy grease!

GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHERFUCKER By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

What it is Ho's?? Ohh wait, I mean hey there fellow horror fans! =) It's almost Thanksgiving! Can you believe that? My oh my how time does fly! We all know what holiday comes this month...Thanksgiving! Yeah! The time of year when you stuff yourselves silly and go into a food coma. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, today I'll be talking about a little film called ThanksKilling. 

Thankskilling was released in 2009 and had a budget of just $4,000. It was written by Jordan Downey and Kevin Stewart and was directed by Jordan Downey. The film was shot in Downey's hometown of Licking County, Ohio. The film is basically about a foul mouthed homicidal turkey that's offing college kids. This should be fun! Let me tell you a little more about it.

The movie begins back in in the olden days in 1621, moments after the very first Thanksgiving. A topless pilgrim (I cannot figure out why the old wrinkly bitch with gross brown nipples was topless in the first place, but whatever works) running through the woods and then getting killed by a turkey (Who tells her she has nice boobs). Fast forward to the present and we meet Johnny, Allie, Kristen, Darren, and Billy, five college kids getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving break. 

In the woods, a hermit and his dog flashy are walking when flashy finds some sort of statue and pisses on it. The ground begins to shake and a turkey rises from the underground and kills the dog. Meanwhile, on their way home, Johnny's jeep breaks down along the road and the kids decide to spend the night in the woods and leave first thing in the morning.

As they are walking into the woods, Darren sees a sign that reads Crawberg. They set up camp and Darren mentions finding the sign and makes a big deal about it. When no one knows what it means, he tells them the story about an Indian who was betrayed by a pilgrim. He tells them that the Indian vowed to curse every white man there was so he necromanced a turkey and every 505 years the turkey comes to life and kills white people. In another part of the woods, the hermit finds his dog  dead, with the turkey standing over top of it with an axe. The turkey said there was an "axeident" (haha) and runs away. 

The kids don't believe Darren's story and when Kristen goes into the woods to call her father, she sees the turkey and runs back to camp to tell the others. No one believes her and they tell her to calm down. As they are sitting around the camp fire a rabbit (A stuffed one of course, and it looked so fake) flies through the air and into the fire. Everyone is starting to get scared so they all go to bed for the night. The following morning Billy wakes up to find the hermit standing over him telling him that the turkey was there and he saved Billy's life.

They pack up their things the following morning and Johnny takes everyone home. Once he gets home he greets his parents and is talking to his father outside when the turkey shows up and cuts his dads head off and then kills his mom. Johnny calls everyone and they meet at Billy's where he tells them that the turkey is real and it killed his parents. Meanwhile Allie is at home screwing some random guy when the turkey comes in and kills him and then starts doinking her. 

She realizes something is wrong and turns around to see the turkey behind her as he breaks her neck. Everyone rushes to Allie's house to warn her, but when they arrive Johnny finds her dead on her bed with a turkey feather and an extra small gravy flavored condom beside her (OMG!! Right?? That's fucking hilarious!) They agree to try and kill the turkey before it kills more of them. Darren says that there is a book that explains how to kill the turkey and Kristen offers to take them to her house and look through her dads book collection.

 The kids arrive a short time later and the turkey (whom Kristen thinks is her dad because the turkey is wearing her dad's face and his sheriff hat) greets them at the door. He let's them in the house and they begin looking for the book that will tell them how to kill the turkey. Darren finds the book and tells them that they have to burn the turkey at the stake and recite a demonic spell backwards in order to kill it. Billy starts bitching about being hungry and leaves. As he is wandering down the street he sees an imaginary turkey and eats it. Soon after his stomach explodes and the turkey comes out with a shot gun and says "FOWL PLAY!" (How funny is that?).

The kids realize Billy is missing and they eventually find him dying on the side of the road. They want to avenge the death of their loved ones, so they agree to find the turkey and kill him. One of the things they had to do to kill the turkey was find the talisman that's hidden in it's feathers and destroy it. They find the talisman and then get in Johnny's jeep to find the Tee-pee where the turkey is usually hiding. They find the tee-pee on the side of the road and make a plan to attack the turkey and tie him up. They go inside the tee-pee to find the turkey eating a salad (Really? Guess that turkey wasn't bad ass after all). They tie the turkey up and then...

And then?? If you're in the Thanksgiving mood, then give ThanksKilling a watch. Unless of course you aren't into ridiculous, campy, so bad there good B movies, then I don't recommend this at all. WOW!! I don't even know what to say other than LOL! I literally laughed out loud during this whole movie! The plot is horrible but it's hilarious at the same time. The acting was just bad..I mean...terrible! And the skanky chick with the black girl and her valley girl accent annoyed the piss out of me! 

Where did they find these people? Oh wait, I read somewhere that they found them on Craigslist. That explains alot. And what's with the topless pilgrim lady at the beginning? You know, she probably ought not to have been topless. Her boobs gave me the wiggins. And the turkey was soo cheesy looking! It was basically a rubber turkey demon puppet. It was just too funny. Ohh and the extra small gravy flavored condom?? Fucking genius. That really tickled my funny bone.

The dialogue and scripting was terrible. I think a three year old could have written something better. Although, I think that this movie was meant to be as ridiculous as it was. It is a B movie after all. The whole maniacal talking killer turkey thing was so stupid it was genius. I mean, you've got this rubbery homicidal turkey that's only shown close up spewing off these funny one liners while going around killing people. What's not to like? You obviously have to have a sense of humor to get through this whole movie, if you don't, it's best not to watch, you will not be amused. This movie was just over the top in all aspects. The acting, the dialogue, the plot...everything was just absolutely horrendous, but yet I enjoyed it.

This is just an entertaining, low budget B film and it makes no apologies for what it is. Some of you may need a beer or 12 and some friends to enjoy this movie, but I don't think Nana would appreciate it. Overall I'd give ThanksKilling a 4 out of 5. Like I said, it was a terribly acted and written movie, the special effects were horrible, and the turkey was a total joke, but I will not lie, I was amused from the beginning to the very end, and that's what counts. Now that you how I feel, stop by and see what Zane's got going in his world. I'm sure it'll be good. Trust me. I'm a professional. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror.

I AIN'T 'FRAID OF NO GHOST!!! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

BOOO!!! Hey there fellow weirdos. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror and checking out my final movie review for haunted house week!! You thought I went old school on you yesterday with a flick from the early 70's?? Today I'll be practically shoving old school down your throats (you know you like it) with a movie from the late 1950's. The movie I'm talking about is, “House on Haunted Hill.”

 Sound familiar? Of course it does because there was another movie of the same title that came out in 1999. But we aren't talking about that one today. And besides, it's a remake of the one I'll be reviewing today. “House on Haunted Hill” was released on February 17, 1959 and was written by Robb White and directed by William Castle. And of course it stars the man, the myth, the legend...Vincent Price.

Oh yeahh! And here's something you might not know...Alfred Hitchcock was said have taken a notice of how well the low budget film “House on Haunted Hill” did at the box office, that he set out to make his own low budget horror film, which became the critically acclaimed hit Psycho (1960). Awesome!

Vincent Price stars in this B horror film as an eccentric millionaire named Frederick Loren . Frederick and his fourth wife Annabelle have invited five people to a haunted house for a "haunted house" party. The rules are that the house will be locked down at midnight and no one can leave. And anyone who makes it through the night alive will be given $10,00. Shortly after the five invited guests arrive, strange things start happening and they are trapped inside with ghosts, murderers and other terrors.

The five guests ( Nora Manning, Lance Schroder, Watson Pritchard, Dr. David Trent, and Ruth Bridges) arrive at the house in funeral cars being lead by a hearse. Vincent is talking while the guests arrive and say that the hearse may be empty now, but by the end of the night, you never know. When the guests enter the house and introduce themselves, the front door slams shut and a chandelier almost crushes one of the guests.

Mr. Loren appears shortly after and explains the rules of the party and gives everyone a .45 caliber pistol for their own protection. Mrs. Loren hints to the guests that her husband is psychotic and this causes the guests to be extremely suspicious of Mr. Loren, especially Nora Manning. Nora becomes paranoid and is convinced that Mr. Loren is trying to kill her when she sees mysterious ghouls throughout the house, including the ghost of Loren's wife Annabelle who had presumably hung herself after being forced to attend the party.

Almost as frightened as Nora is Watson Pritchard, who barely survived a night in that same house not long ago. He bought the house after he spent the night and was found almost dead the following day. He told the guests that while he was at the house before, another woman killed her own sister and his brother and hacked them into pieces and the parts were scattered all over the house. He goes on to tell them that all of the parts were found except the two heads.

He is fully convinced that the house is truly haunted and believes that the ghosts have the power to kill anyone in the house that they wish. After the supposed suicide of Annabelle, everyone is suspicious of everyone else and they all decide to go to their rooms with their pistols and stay there until morning. It is then that Dr. Trent goes into the room where Annabelle's body was laid on a bed. He tells her that it's almost over and they reveal the plan they've had all along to frighten Nora so badly that she would be spooked enough to shoot Mr. Loren. Dr. Trent tells Annabelle when she hears the gunshot to come into the basement.

After being frightened all evening, Nora runs into the basement when the lights suddenly go out. Mr. Loren appears in the basement next to her and Nora is so scared that she shoots him and then runs out of the basement. Dr. Trent comes out of a room in the basement and drags Loren's body to a vat of acid in the floor. The lights go out again and there are sounds of a struggle and the distinct sound of splashing.

The lights come back on and both men disappear. After hearing the gunshot, Annabelle enters the basement to confirm that her husband is dead and her and Dr. Trent's plan worked. All of the doors start slamming shut and a skeleton appears out of the acid, accompanied by Frederick's voice telling her that at last she's got everything he has, but she won't live to enjoy it. The skeleton approaches Annabelle and she recoils in terror and as she does she trips and falls into the vat of acid.

Frederick Loren steps out of the shadows with a contraption he was using to control the skeleton and in absolute triumph he watches Annabelle disintegrate. The other guests rush into the basement to find that Loren is alive. He tells Nora that her gun was loaded with blanks and that.....

If you're curious about the rest, I highly recommend going to Netflix and peeping out “House on Haunted Hill”  the 1959 version that is. I didn't really know what to expect from this movie. Obviously no stellar CGI or special effects, it was 1959 ya know. But I was a little surprised at the fact that some parts actually gave me the chills.

I wasn't scared...no sir...horror movies rarely scare me, but this one did creep me out just a little. Vincent Price is amazing...seriously. Zane turned me on to him and I'm so glad he did. There is just something about him (I mean Vincent Price, not Zane...although...ehh we'll get into that some other time).

I don't know if it's his smooth as silk voice or what, but he is definitely intriguing. The remake that came out in 1999 was very similar to the 1959 version, which surprised me. I thought that remake would totally suck, because most do. But the remake was almost exactly like the one from 59, but it had a bit more blood and death.

Although I will say I probably like the remake better...I know!! I can't help it y'all!! I'm a new school girl and while I appreciate the oldies, I'm all for the new stuff. There's more blood, guts, death...I love it!

Overall I'd give House on Haunted Hill a 4 out o 5. I was really impressed by this movie. The acting was great, especially Vincent Price's, he definitely stole the show. I think my favorite part was when Price was controlling that skeleton, it was super cheesy and not very believable, but it was the 50's, so they were working with what they had. I would recommend this movie to everyone and I would for sure watch it again. While you're here, how about you drop by and see what Zane is up to? And thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror. Check back next week!!

Sasha Slaughter

                                                                      

DON'T MESS WITH THE SQUATCH!! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey there! We are at it again here at Dead End Horror. And we're back to bring you man vs beast week (Booo!). Zane gets to boss me again, so this was his brilliant idea, because he knows I don't like these kind of movies very much. But hey, what can you do?? If there’s anything I've learned about life, it's that there are always going to be times when you have to do something that you don't like. So, with that being said, I'll deal. Anyway!! I'm going to tell you a little about the movie Assault of the Sasquatch. It came out in 2009 and was directed by Andrew Gernhard.

Authorities arrest ruthless bear poacher, Terry Drake, in the state park and impound his truck. But what they don't know is that inside of his truck is the legendary Sasquatch. Back at the precinct where they take Drake to book him, the Sasquatch escapes hoping to get revenge on the poacher who took him from his natural habitat.

 

 Drake and his two men are in the woods setting traps trying to find bears to kill and sell. They hear a loud noise in the woods and he tells one of his men to go see what it was. Shortly after he sees Sasquatch and shoots it with the tranquilizer. He tells them over the walkie talkies that he found it and that its huge. The officers sitting nearby hear him over their radio and decide to go investigate. They load Sasquatch into the truck and Drake calls a collector and tells him they caught something for his collection and asks for one million dollars for it.

It wakes up and tries to escape from the truck and Drake shoots it with more tranquilizers. He's quickly shutting the doors of the truck when the police arrive. They arrest him and take him to the precinct while one of the officers takes his truck back to the station. After they take Drake into the precinct, the Sasquatch escapes. It starts walking through the streets and looks into a window in some chicks house and sees her stripping and getting into the shower (His eyes get all wide and makes the funniest noise..omg! haha). He sneaks into her room and finds her bra and sniffs it before going into the bathroom and watching the girl shower. He's about to get a closer look when the girls dog comes into the room. The squatch gets agitated and stomps on poor fluffy and leaves. Two nerds, Don and Murph are running all over town asking people if they've seen the Sasquatch and freaking about being in the National Sasquatch Society. While the squatch was looking into the girls window they captured video of him on the girls roof. After they get the footage they freak out and decide to follow it.
                                   

                                                                        
Officers bring someone else into the precinct after they arrest Drake because the other station was full. As they are taking him back to the holding cells he sees officer Ryan Walker and tries to attack him. When Walker realizes that it's Talon, who was one of two people that broke into his home ten years earlier, he has a flashback of his wife and daughter in their house when his wife calls to tell him that someone broke in. He arrives at the house to find his wife dead and shoots one of the robbers. He realizes that the guy that was brought in was one of the intruders that was in his house whom he arrested. Talon starts talking shit to Drake and after a few minutes Drake offers to make a deal with Talon. He says that if Talon can get him out of there, Drake will give him a cut of the money he's going to make from selling the Sasquatch to the collector.

Just then Jessica comes into the room when she realizes who he is. She tells him that he ruined her life because his brother killed her mother. He tells her she deserved it because her father killed his brother. He tries to grab her through the cell bars when Jessica runs away. Officer Jameson walks in and sees him try to grab her. He grabs a hold of Talon and tells him to never touch her again. Talon looks at him and tells him made a big mistake and then stabs him in the throat with scissors. He takes Jameson's keys and unlocks his cell door. Drake asks him to let him out and Talon tells him no, that he has a score to settle. Just then they realize that the truck has been broken into. They go out to find the doors ripped open and a dead guy in the truck with his guts hanging out. They see the Sasquatch watching them from a few feet away. It starts running towards them and they run back into the precinct and lock the doors.

                                                              

Just then Talon shoots the breaker box and the power goes out. The back up generators kick on a few moments later only to go back out when Talon shoots the generator. The emergency lights come on and Krystal, one of the officers, decides to check on Drake. She goes into the room of holding cells to discover that Talon is gone and Jameson is dead. Drake laughs and tells her that Talon has a little score to settle. A few blocks away Jessica's boyfriend Leighton calls to let her know that she left her wallet there and he is coming to return it to her. He notices someone is following him and turns around and comes face to face with the Sasquatch. He maces it and it runs away. A few moments later it comes back and starts throwing things at him. (Rocks, tires...anything it gets its hands on). Jessica hears Leighton calling for her and looks outside to see him standing in front of the precinct all bloody and banged up. He starts walking toward the doors when the squatch appears and grabs him and runs away.                                                                      

                                                                    
They start hearing noises coming from the building. Jessica gets grabbed from the room by the Sasquatch. He drops her outside and starts sniffing her when Amy, the secretary at the precinct, comes out and throws a knife at it. She starts kicking it (Little chick has some mad squabbles...even it looked totally fake) and fighting it off with a police shield. He throws the shield aside and knocks her to the ground when Ryan comes out and shoots at it and they all run back inside. They decide to let Drake out so he can help them get out because he knows more about the Sasquatch.

They go into the evidence room in the basement to get weapons to arm themselves with in case they run into the Sasquatch. The two nerdy fucks run into the Sasquatch and start spazzing out when he kills the chubby one (Thank god he died! Ughh he was soo annoying). The other one tries to run but he impales him with a sign. Just then he sees Drake through the window and charges through the doors to get to him. Everyone is trying to fight him off with the weapons they got. The squatch gets stabbed and it slows him down enough for everyone to run. The Sasquatch leaves the precinct and Drake tells them that he is going to hide the bodies of the people he killed so no one knows anything is wrong. Ryan goes out to distract the Sasquatch while everyone escapes through a window and runs into an underground tunnel. He finally finds Drake and tries to attack him but he stabs it and gets away. The collector that Drake called arrives and exclaims that they've made a mess of everything.

 

                                                                                 
Krystal and Jessica get out of the tunnel when Talon appears and stabs Krystal and kidnaps Jessica. He ties her to a chair in the abandoned warehouse and tells her that he was the one who killed her mother. Jessica's father appears and starts to fight Talon. Jessica uses a pocket knife to cut the ropes to free herself. Talon comes at her and she stabs him in the stomach. Drake runs past with the Sasquatch close behind. He stops when he sees Talon and breaks his neck and runs after Drake. The squatch finds them in a room but before he can attack, the collector shows up shoots it with a bow thinger. Jessica asks who he is and just as he's telling them he's their savior, the Sasquatch kills the collector. Drake starts running and the Sasquatch follows him. They start fighting and Drake shoots him with a nail gun several times. He then grabs a chain saw but the Sasquatch knocks it out of his hands. The Sasquatch presses a button and something falls from the ceiling and crushes Drake. Drake flips off the squatch and it rips off his middle finger and puts it on his necklace (Yes, Sasquatch was wearing jewelry). He leaves the room and sees Ryan, Krystal, and Jessica and then...

                                                                            
OH NO!! And then what?? Hop on over to Netflix and watch Assault of the Sasquatch and find out! Now, lets hear what I have to say huh??? Where do I begin??? This movie was sooo cheesy and so over the top. Seriously! It was a total campy B movie and it shows. Some of the scenes looked like they were shot with someone’s home video recorder. For real! The acting was horrible and over done. And Sasquatch had long hair and...a necklace?? Really? I highly doubt if you find a squatch in the woods it will be wearing jewelry. That was just strange. And Don and Murph ( I'm a sexy bitch Murph...look at me!!) were horribly annoying but definitely added comedy to the mix. I laughed and cringed every time I saw them. A part of me wanted them to shut up and die, but another part was like HA! THEY'RE FUNNY! The chubby one was just soo over the top and always freaking out. It was hilarious! But I must say, when they got offed, I was sort of relieved 

                                                                                  
Overall I'd give Assault of the Sasquatch a 2.5 out of 5. It really wasn't that great at all. I mean, parts of it were definitely entertaining. It had that sort of tongue in cheek quality you see in a lot of campy B movies. There was a brief boob flash, and a decent amount of blood, and a chick with no legs crawling from the tunnel, which was cool. I don't think I'd watch it again though. It's OK once, but anything more than that would be borderline torture! So, that's that. Now how about you go check out Zane's list of the best man vs. beast movies!! He likes it when you check out his stuff!

Sasha 'The Chambermaid' Slaughter

                                                       

DAMN! THAT'S ONE HUNGRY BOX! BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

..”THROW IT TO THE HOOKER!”  Reppin’ the seven six one oh seven, it’s that time once again to do what we do y’all.  Time to talk some horror. And let me tell ya, I got a very strange motherfucker of a movie for today’s post. Anyone ever heard of the movie, “Penetration Angst?” No, you pervs, it ain’t a porno...Well, not really. I mean it does have Fiona Horsey (Sasha hates her, lol) so if you’re familiar with her stuff, I guess you know it does have a shitload of nekkidness in it. But if you aren’t, then stay here and educate yourself. I’ll tell you all about this film and show you some images as well. So let’s cut out the foreplay and get down to bussy! (Bussy- Re-re speak for business. More of an inside joke between Sasha and I) So, let’s get to it, yes?

“Penetration Angst” is a UK horror film written and directed by Wolfgang Buld. And it stars (as I mentioned in the above paragraph) Fiona Horsey.  Now when this film was released in 2003 over here in the USA, they dropped the Penetration and just released it as, “Angst.” It runs just about 100mins, and can usually be found in those ‘bargain buy’ sets.  My set is called, “Blood Bath.” Not a bad set either, it’s got 12 movies on it and I think I got it on Amazon. So if you wanna up your horror movie collection, this is a cheap way to do it.
                                                                          

As I said earlier, this is one odd film. I mean anytime you combine a girl with a hungry pussy and a set of horny conjoined twins, and a sunburned dick, I mean c’mon, how fuckin’ random is that? Anyway, this film is about a woman (Fiona Horsey) who turns into a prostitute to satisfy her hungry twat. That’s right. Hungry twat. Her box eats all the guys she bangs.  Now the only problem with this is, she finally finds a dude she likes but doesn’t want to throw him a fuck due to the fact that her tool shed will eat him up.  Kinda funny huh? I mean if you think about it, sometimes guys go down and eat out, right? But in this film, the girls nah-nah is the one doing the eating. Now that’s funny!

                                                                                                                                                             

Ok, I know I was brief in that review (Brief like when I wear my tighty-whitties!) Eww, sorry for the nasty image.  But if I were to get into the plot too much, you wouldn’t watch it. I watched this film without knowing anything about it. That’s the best way to roll. Trust me, I’m a professional.

Overall, I’m not sure what I think about this film. It was kinda hard for me to rank. It was just so fuckin’ weird, man. But as I do with all movies, I try and find some kind of ranking So I gave “Penetration Angst” a 2 out of 5. It had plenty of nudity, and plenty of gore as well. It was just really, really strange. Is it worth a watch? Sure. I mean it is a different kind of horror film. My advice, just save it until one of those late nights when there ain’t nothing on and you got a little buzz goin’ and aren’t quite ready to crash yet.  That’s the best time for this kinda movie.

So, wanna see some blood and boobs? ME too! Here’s some scenes from this odd little nugget...

YEP-YEP-YEP! I guess that about covers it. If you wanna see some more then get the movie. And before you get outta here, be sure and see what kinda stuff Sasha has for you. I'm sure she has just what you need. She may even have a hungry box...Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!
                                                                            

ZOMBIE 'FB' ZANE

                                                                        

...ROOM SERVICE! BY: ZOMBIE 'FATS' ZANE

YO! IT’S FRIDAY!! What’s good! Coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven it’s time once again to talk some horror. Zombie Zane here with ya on this hotter than fuck summer day. Jesus, this heat is fucking relentless! I’m sitting cool in the fan though. Cool in the fan. Anyway, I thought I’d throw in a bonus post this week. Why? I guess cause it’s hotter than shit and I have nothing else to do. So, how about we cut the foreplay and get to today’s bonus post.

Ok, so last night I watched this odd film called, ‘The Chambermaid.’ Have you heard of that one? Well, hell! Why not kick back for a second and let me tell you all about it. I’m sure you will find this post quite entertaining. And if you don’t, you can fuck off outta here and go read something else. But for the record, you won’t find a better horror blog anywhere else. Trust me...I’m a professional.

‘The Chambermaid’ is a 2007 horror film starring the one, the only, Fiona Horsey. (And if you don’t know who Fiona Horsey is, well hell....Just look at this...

FIONA HORSEY

　

Ok, I really don’t have a lot of background or info on this film other than it stars scream queen Fiona Horsey and it runs about 90mins. Now I got my copy off of a 12 movie collection called Blood Bath. I got it at Amazon but I’m sure you may be able to find it at like Half Price Books or something like that. So, since I really don’t have anymore info on this film, let’s get to the plot.

THE PLOT...’The Chambermaid’ is about a young chambermaid (Horsey) who is struggling with her life. Her boyfriend is a fuck-tard, her boss has a raging hard on for her, and to make matters worse, she is working two jobs just to make ends meet. And to top it all off, she’s on probation. Not a good situation. So the shit hits the fan when she finds out her boss (the owner of the hotel she works at) has been drugging her so he can fuck her while she’s comatose. Nasty bastard! So after finding this out, she decides to take matters into her own hands by seeking a bit of revenge on her boss.

Now this to me wasn’t really a horror movie per say. I mean it did have a kinda sick/twisted plot. And none of the characters had any moral values at all. Even the chambermaid was a calculating bitch. Even before she knew she was getting the high hard one while doped up. I’m not sure what I think about this film. I mean I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it though either. If it didn’t have Fiona in it, I would’ve shit canned it after the first half hour. As it was, the movie didn’t start rolling until about three fourths of the way through. But I will say I did kinda dig the story line. And the cum shot scene was rather amusing...This film had plenty of explicit content in it. There were hand jobs, blow jobs, jerking off, rubbing one out (Fiona) a ton of rape, (although not explicit rape) cum shots and cybering. This was more a soft porn than it was a horror film. Not that I mind, I’m just saying.

BODY COUNT - 3 - Only three deaths. Not near enough.

SEVERINGS - 0 - A big fat nada!

SEX SCENES - 3 - A low number, but we’re talking quality, not quantity.

NUDITY NUMBER - 2.75 out of 5. Bush, boobs, ass, it’s the nekkid tri-fecta!!

GORE SCORE - 1- No blood, just boobs...

MY SCORE - 1.75 out of 5 - I really wanted to give it a 2, but I just couldn’t. Not enough horror in it for me so it loses some cool points there. Not that it was a total waste of time, I mean it did have some worth while shit in it and it did keep my attention I’m just not that impressed with the film overall. I liked ‘Angst’ a whole hella lot better. (‘Angst’ also is a Fiona Horsey film)

Well, that’s it for the week. We all done here. Hope you enjoyed this weeks offering, next week I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but I do know it’ll be good. So until then, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out! ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT! BIG BALLS! FUCKING A!

ZOMBIE 'FATS' ZANE

  











                                                                                                

FUCK REDBOX! I GOT SOME DEATH ON DEMAND By: ZOMBIE ZANE

Looks like dinner at my house

YEPPA-YEPPA-YEPPA! What’s good? Not much going on here except a shit load of heat and a shit load of cold beer .Nothing else to do in the summer but drink and of course watch some horror movies. And believe me, I can do both very, very well. In fact, I got another movie I’d like to tell y’all about. Anyone ever seen the film, ‘Death on Demand?’ No? Well shit the bed! Why not waste some of your time here and let me tell ya all about it. What else do ya gotta do? So enough of this foreplay, let’s get to today’s post.

‘Death on Demand’ is a 2008 horror film written by Kevin Burke and directed by Adam Matalon. It’s the first movie released from the Evil Twins film company. This bad boy never hit the theaters, nossir. It was a straight to dvd type of deal. I got my copy in another one of those ‘bargain buy’ sets. I think the set is called Blood Bath. In fact I know it is. It has 12 horror movies total. I’ve seen like four of the movies already and out of the four, ‘Death on Demand’ has been the best one yet. Anyway, what say we get into the plot, yes?
THE PLOT: Three couples (college students) enter a webcast contest that is being held inside a haunted house. The three couples hold a seance which in turn awakens the evil spirit of a dude that killed his entire family. And I’m sure you can guess where this film goes from here...Evil ghost guy stalks and kills off the contestants one by one until he kills them all or gets sent back from wherever he came. Yeah, I know it’s predictable, but what the hell. Aren’t most horror films?

Ok, so ya got the plot, now let me tell you what I thought of it. Believe it or not, I actually liked this film. I really hate to admit it, but I did. It was like a guilty pleasure. I mean it was one of those ‘so bad it’s good’ type of deals. This film had some really funny parts. There were fart jokes, dick jokes, bathroom humor, awesome gory scenes, nudity, fuck scenes, pretty much everything you need to create a typical B horror film. Back to the gore for a second...There was plenty of it. I saw intestines pulled out of a girl, tendons ripped out of a leg, and the best part, the best part was the poor bastard who got his cock and balls torn off. No shit. What a trip. Ok, before I give away all the gory parts, let me break this down a bit more for ya.

BODY COUNT - 11 - Not a bad number. Lot’s of kills.

SEVERINGS - 1 - Lady got her noggin sliced clean off.

SEX SCENES - 4 - Lot’s of fuckin’ in this film!

NUDITY NUMBER - 2.5 out of 5 - HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!!

GORE SCORE - 3 - I gave this film a solid 3 here. Plenty of gore for all.

MY SCORE - 2.75 out of 5 - Again, I can’t believe I ranked this film so high...But what the hell. Everyone is entitled to a guilty pleasure film once in a while.

Ok, so I guess that’s all I got. Be sure and check out Sasha’s stuff as well. Her and her nah-nah will be every so happy that you did. Normally today is Dead End Horror’s last post for the week, but I got a bonus post in the offing for tomorrow so you’ll wanna come back and see what I got to say about the film ‘The Chambermaid.’ Hey, it stars Fiona Horsey, need I say more? Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! FUCKIN A, BIG BALLS!!

ZOMBIE ZANE

                                                                                                                                     

SHAAAAARK!!! By: ZOMBIE 'Shark Bait' ZANE

WHOA DADDY! Coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven which is also known as the hottest place in the fuckin world. Could it be any hotter? Yes. Yes it could be. And I fear that the worst isn’t over yet. I may melt away before I finish typing this so if I stop in mid post, you’ll know the reason why.

So, since it’s hotter than Hades here, I thought this would be a good time to review a movie that takes place in the water. Good idea huh? This week at Dead End Horror, we’re gonna be doing kinda a hodgepodge, or an olio if you will. No particular theme, just kinda this and that. Not to worry though, it’ll be good. We are professionals after all. Ok, so how about we wrap up the foreplay and get to this weeks shit, yes?

Have any of you guys seen, ‘Open Water?’ It’s a total kick ass film! I know there are some haters out there who found it hard to sit through and rather boring, but fuck off outta here. It’s a great movie with tons of sharks. And just a little fyi, ‘Shark Week’ started on Sunday so they both kinda go hand in hand. I love me some shark shit!


‘Open Water’ is an indie film that was released in 2003. And yes, it is a horror film. It was directed by Chris Kentis and his wife Laura Lau. Now these guys pretty much made the whole movie themselves. No shit. So that’s pretty impressive, don’t ya think? It was shot for around $500,000 and I think the film grossed something like $55 million overall. It runs just about 80mins and it can be found on Netflix. Not for instant watch yet, but it’s still available on dvd. I got mine at Half Price Books for like $3 so I really lucked out there. Ok, let’s get to the plot and stuff.


PLOT AND STUFF - Now this film is based on a true story. No, it is. It’s based on an American couple (Tom and Eileen Lonegran) who in the late 90's were scuba diving off the Great Barrier Reef and were actually left behind because the dive boat crew fucked up the head count. The couple was never heard from again. (Cue the dramatic music...NOW!) Pretty freaky-deaky stuff, huh?


Now the plot is basically like the above paragraph, so I’m not gonna waste yours, and what is infinitely more important, my time on rehashing it. Just rest assured that this is one scary fuckin film and it should mos’ def’ be watched. What makes this film scary is that it could/did actually happen. I mean it’s mind blowing scary to think about just floating around in the ocean with no land in sight and just waiting to become shark food. With this film all ya gotta do is just put your self in the actors’ place and I guarantee ya it’ll freak you out.


Ok, time for the scores...


BODY COUNT - 2- A small number, but shit, there isn’t but 10 people in the whole film.


SEX SCENES - 0 - No humping. BOO!


NUDITY NUMBER - 1.5 out of 5 - A bit of bush, a bit of boob.


SEVERINGS - 0 - Nada here either. But this film is still scary enough without amputations.


GORE SCORE - 1 - Not really much gore, but as I said, this film is more of a mind fuck.

MY SCORE - 4.75 out of 5 - Great movie! Great acting! Great music! Just all around one of the best horror movies out there. I know there are gonna be those who didn’t/won’t like it, and those people can suck it. This film is truly worth 80mins of your time. Would I lie to you guys? Hell to the naw! So get somewhere cool, grab some snacks, and kick back and give ‘Open Water’ a day in court.

Zombie Zane

Well, that’s all I got for now. Be sure and look at Sasha’s stuff as well. She just loves showing it off. So until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!

PS!! Here's a little something to watch before ya vamos....

VOODOO! RUNNIN' FROM MY MAGIC! BY: ZOMBIE 'FUCKIN' ZANE

BOOM-SHA-LOCK-LOCK-BOOM!! What’s good? It’s me, Zombie Zane coming at ya live and direct from the glass furnace otherwise known as the seven six one oh seven. Well, here we are, together again. This is the last post of the week and this is also the last post of our old school horror movie tribute. Was that a run on sentence? Ahh, fuck it. Who cares. In any case, I’m gonna close this bitch down with one more movie review. Why not. So have any of you seen or heard of a little movie called, ‘KING OF THE ZOMBIES?’ No? Well, shit the bed! How about I educate you on it? I mean what else have you got going on? Ok, enough foreplay, let’s get to the good stuff, yes?

‘King of the Zombies’ is a 19 and 41 comedy/horror film produced by Monogram Pictures. Now this film was supposed to star Bela Lugosi as Dr. Victor Sangre, but he was not available for the role. Peter Lorre was then contacted, but a deal could not be done so this other dude, Henry Victor got the part just prior to filming. Anyway, this film runs just about 67mins, and it was released in May of 1941. It also spawned a sequel, ‘Revenge of the Zombies.’ Which came out two years later in 1943. One other tidbit for ya, ‘King of the Zombies’ was also nominated for an Academy Award for best music in a dramatic picture. Fuckin’ cool! Who knew? Well, I did. Seeing how I am the one writing this. Anyway, how about we get to the plot?

THE PLOT:   An American government agent, his butler, and a pilot, crash somewhere in the Caribbeans. They were out looking for a missing admiral when their plane went boom. Anyway, they are taken in by a German doctor (who was supposed to be played by Lugosi) So the three guests find out that the island is crawling with zombies. As well as the doctor’s house. Now the good doctor is the boss of the zombies. He like controls them by using some kind of fuck-fuck trick on their minds. Now our three heroes figure out that the doctor is using the zombies to aid the war effort (This took place in WW II obviously) And no way are they gonna let that happen. So they try and thwart the doctors plans. Do they succeed? Do they become zombies? What happens!! You’ll just have to watch it. Hey! Don’t piss and moan. It’s only a little over an hour. You can do it!

Ok, now let me tell ya what I thought of this little gem of a film. Overall, I dug it. The butler dude was funny as fuck! I think he was played by Mantan Moreland. He had some fuckin’ classic lines! I’ll try to find some clips of him on Youtube and if I can I’ll post it at the end of this. But as I was saying, I dug this movie. I mean it had it’s flaws...I thought the zombies were a bit on the retarded side, and the ending (it’s always the christing ending) was kinda idk...flat. Maybe to abrupt or something? But in any case, I liked it, I didn’t really notice the music being that good for an Academy Award nominee, but whatever. All in all I give ‘King of the Zombies’ a middle of the road 2.5 out of 5. I docked it some points ‘cause of the odd ending and the retarded zombies. So lookit, grab a six pack, order you up a pizza and give this motherfucker a watch. Not a bad way to spend a hotter than shit summer night.

Ok, this concludes our old school horror tribute. Hope you learned some shit, hope you saw some of these films we reviewed. And most of all, I hope you had a good time reading. Before I go, I just wanna say thanks to y’all for coming over here and reading our shit. I really appreciate your time.

One more thing, be sure and check out Sasha’s stuff. She does all her blogging in the nude ya know. Sorry, Sasha, I had to put that in there. Ok, so until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! ROCK OUT WITH YA COCK OUT!! YA KNOW YA SEE ME...

MAN, SHIT!! I couldn't find any of the butler shit, so what I'm doing is I'm gonna post the whole movie. All 67 minutes of it. So there ya go. I just gave you access to a free film. The beer and the pizza is up to you...ENJOY!

ONE BUSH, TWO TWIGS, AND FOUR BERRIES!! By:ZOMBIE ZANE

JUMP BACK FUNKY CATS!! AWWWW SHIT! Zombie Zane here once again coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven. Hope all is well in your corner(s) of da world. Hope everyone has a nice cool place to kick back and Cadillac in. It’s too hot to be fucking about outside, no? Anyway, this month is coming to an end and so is our old school horror tribute. But it’s been a freaky-fun-fucked up ride, hasn’t it? I mean I’ve really enjoyed watching some of this films. And I hope that you’ve had fun reading/watching them as well. If you haven’t then fuck off outta here and read someone else. Did that sound harsh? I’m sorry. Well...kinda I am. Anyway, let’s get to today’s post shall we? I got a great old school horror movie to tell you about today. Have you ever seen ‘THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH?’ Ever wanted to have a threesome with the lovely and busty Sasha Slaughter and myself? Ok, disregard that last question. But it is relevant to the film I’m about to review. Well kinda. So how about we cut the foreplay and get into the review.

‘THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH’ is a made in the USA sci-fi film directed by Roger Corman. Now if you’ve been reading my shit, you’ll know that Roger Corman also directed ‘Little Shop of Horrors.’ And if you haven’t been reading my shit, then now you know now. Moving right along. This film was released in September of 1960 and it runs just over 70mins. It can be found in those ‘bargain box’ horror sets as well as a few other places. I got my copy in the Anniversary Edition of 50 Horror Classics put out by Mill Creek. I highly recommend those ‘bargain box’ sets. It’s a great way to boost up your horror movie collection.

So now you know some of the particulars of this movie, here’s the plot: It’s about three friends(two dudes and a woman) who are vacationing in Puerto Rico. After some breakfast and some drinks, they decide they should do some scuba diving. No harm in that, right? But after they surface, they discover some freaky deaky shit...They are the only ones left alive on the whole island. And quite possibly the whole world. Now being faced with this possibility, the two men turn on one another in an attempt to be with the only woman left on the planet. Typical man bullshit I know. But if I were stuck with another dude and there was only one woman left on the Earth, I’d mad squabble too. I wouldn’t want to be the only one jerking off...Would you? The nights would be mighty lonely. Another option instead of fighting would of course be to just have threesomes...But then again, that could cause jealousy and all kinds of other shit. Then what about this...The woman decides she wants to be a lesbo and the two men are left doing a circle jerk kinda thing...Not good either. Basically this is one fucked up situation that I hope I’m never apart of. One panty hamster, two twigs and four berries...those number just don’t add up in anyone’s favor. Unless you’re the woman in which case you get your pick of the two dudes.

Ok, I know I rambled there, but I did manage to get the plot. At least I hope I did. So as far as what I thought of the film...Overall I liked it. The ending was just kinda so-so for me. It kinda ended abrupt and I felt that the message it was trying to convey wasn’t really clear. I mean I got the idea but it could’ve been better. Now don’t get me wrong, it is a fucked up plot. What a situation! So it gets some cool points for that but as I said, due to the kinds shitty ending it loses some as well. Final score for ‘THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH’ is a 2 out of 5. Not horrible, but it could’ve been better.

Well, there it is. That’s all I got for your ass’ today. Make sure and check out Sasha’s stuff as well. She loves showing off her stuff. And she loves knowing that you are looking at it. Ain’t that right Sasha? So, until next time, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out.! Rock out with your cock out!!

HERE'S THE TRAILER JUST IN CASE YOU WANNA YOU WANNA LOOK-SEE