YEPPA-YEPPA-YEPPA!! Let’s do it one more time! Zombie Zane here once again coming to ya live and direct from the heat infested seven six one oh seven. This week at DEAD END HORROR we’re talking about the best of the worst horror films. I mean who doesn’t enjoy a campy B movie from time to time? I know I do. So in lieu of our topic, I decided to give you guys a list of seven movie that suck so bad ya gotta see ‘em. Again, I’m listing seven so yous can watch one a night. It’s way to daunting a task to try and watch all of them in one day. You’d get sick of it and then the list would be shitty and man, it’d just take all the fun outta it. So, one movie a night is the best way to roll with this. Trust me. I’m an expert. So without further ado, let’s get to listing.
ZOMBIE ZANE’S SEVEN NIGHTS OF THE BEST WORST HORROR MOVIES
Night number one I’m giving you the movie, "BUBBA HO TEP." This 2002 film stars Mr. Bruce Campbell as Elvis (now in a nursing home) And Ossie Davis as a black JFK. The two team up and try to stop a soul sucking mummy who is terrorizing the residents in the nursing home. This film is funny as hell and I give it a solid 3 out of 5. A great way to kick off the seven nights of horrible horror.
For night number dos, how about the film, "HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP." HFD is a 1980 horror/sci-fi monster movie that has plenty of gore, plenty of nudity and plenty of laughable moments. This film is a total shit bomb but it’s totally worth wasting 80mins of your life on. ‘Humanoids From the Deep’ gets a solid 4 out of 5 on the Zombie scale. You’ll love it!
Okay, night number three I’m gonna give you the movie, "THE SLAUGHTER" Now this isn’t the blaxploitation one from the 70's. I’m talking the horror movie from 2006. It’s about six college friends who are hired to clean up an abandoned house and unknowingly disturb the tomb of an ancient demon. This film is a total piece of fuck but it’s got nudity, gore, demons and zombies. What’s not to like? Total crap but very amusing. A 3 out of 5 for me on this one.
So, enjoying the list so far? No? Okay, I’ll try and do better on the next list. But if you are still reading this, let’s get to night number four. How about the film, "THE TOXIC AVENGER." This film was released in 1984 by Troma Entertainment. It’s about a janitor who gets pushed into a dump truck full of toxic waste and then come back as a toxic super hero. Need I say more? This film has spawned 3 sequels, a musical production (stage) and a children’s cartoon. Now don’t let that fool you. This film is rated R and is in no way intended for kids. A total pile of shit, but it gets a 3 out of 5 for me.
On night number 5, the film of the evening is a 1954 classic, "THEM." Giant, mutant ants. That’s all I gotta say here. A total monster movie from the 50's this film will make you laugh. Totally corny and oh-so dated, this movie HAD to be on the list. Go watch it. It’s funny. 4 out of 5 for the giant ants!!
The six film that makes this list is the 1968 shit pile, "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD." Ok, I know I’m on hallowed ground here, but let’s face it. Not a good film at all. But isn’t that the point of this list? It’s a laugh riot pretty much throughout. Ya got the black dude acting like Obama, ya got the freaked out white girl (Barbara) and a bunch of flesh eating zombies. And let us not forget the little zombie girl munching on her parental units. This film eats! I give it a nice 3 out of 5. Sasha is reviewing this film by the way so make sure you go by and check out her stuff after reading this article of course.
We have reached the end. One more night to go. I wonder if you’re still reading this...In any case, if you are, here’s the final film, "THE MANSTER." (1959) This is a total piece of shit but well worth wasting an hour and a half of your time. It’s about a doctor who injects a reporter with a serum that causes the poor reporter to sprout two heads. No, not those heads below the waist. Don’t be a perv. In any case it’s a race against time on who will stop the manster. The crazy scientist? Or the police? Watch it and find out. "THE MANSTER" gets a nice 2.75 for me.
Well, there ya have it. Seven nights of the best worst horror films as told to you by yours truly, Zombie Zane. Be sure and check out our other shit as well. Until next time, take care and stay a-scared and I am out.
HEY NOW! Zombie Zane coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven. Another week, another horror topic. For this week here at DEAD END HORROR, the talented and busty Miss Sasha Slaughter and I are gonna be talking the best of the worst in the world of horror. What I mean by that is simple. Ever seen one of those shitty B-movie type deals that was just so shitty that it was good? Sure you have. We all have. A couple that come to mind are, "ZOMBIE STRIPPERS," "HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP" also fits the bill. Umm, you can also throw in any of the "RE-ANIMATORS" or even "EVIL DEAD" for that matter. Okay, so you get the idea, yes? So there’s our subject for the week.
Now then, seeing how we’re doing the best of the worst, I thought it would be a GREAT idea to give you guys a list of some best/worst horror movie titles ever. And let me tell ya, some of these are just down right funny as shit! I had a ball going through and compiling my list. So how about we cut the foreplay and get to
the good stuff, yes. I now proudly give you...
ZOMBIE ZANE’S BEST OF THE WORST HORROR MOVIE TITLES
10. THE HAUNTED PUSSY (1976) Better than the smelly pussy I guess.
9. HORROR HOTLINE...BIG HEAD MONSTER (2001) Call 1-900-Zombie Zane...
8. ZOOM UP: RAPE SITE (1979) Uh could I get some fries with my victim please?
7. THE COMA-BRUTAL DUEL (1999) Ok, what the fuck does that mean?
6. BLIND BEAST VS. DWARF (2001) I got my money on the knee sniffer. It could be on PPV!
5. LOVE WANGA(1936) No wanga for me! I’d rather have ‘The Haunted Pussy.’ Or even the smelly one for that matter. Was that too gross??
4. THE BEAST THAT MOLESTED WOMEN (1965) Ahh. A film about my uncle! How sweet.
3. THE GHOST OF THE POT COMES TO LIFE (1956) A ghost that’s 420 friendly! Puff-puff-give Casper. Puff-puff-give!
2. THE ENEMA KILLER (1977) Death by ass-water!! I can think of many unpleasant ways to go, but this may top the list...
1. THE UNTOLD STORY: HUMAN MEAT ROAST PORK BUNS (1993) After viewing this film, you awake with a bloody asshole and a 5$ bill taped to your forehead. OUCH!!
Well, there ya go. The best/worst horror movie titles ever. Hope you guys had as much fun reading these as I did. Pretty funny huh? And by the way, be sure and check out Sasha’s stuff. She’s reviewing the film ‘NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD’ and she’s also reviewing episode two in the Masters of Horror series so ya wanna fo’ sho’ peep it out. So, until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out.
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Night of the Living Dead is a low budget horror movie that was relased in 1968. It was written and directed by the great George A. Romero. Barbra (Judith O'dea) finds herself trapped in a farmhouse with a group of survivors as they try to protect themselves from hordes of flesh eating zombies. Barbra and her brother Johnny are in the cemetary visiting their fathers grave when Johnny starts teasing her and trying to scare her (They're coming to get you Barbra). They come across a man walking towards them very slowly, looking disheveled and like he's in a trance. Johnny runs past him while Barbra walks slowly and the man reaches out and grabs her. Johnny comes to her aid and tries to fight off the man. Johnny gets thrown to the ground and hits his head off of a grave stone and dies. Barbra runs away and finds a farmhouse in the woods. She runs inside while more zombies swarm the house.
There inside the house she meets Ben, and he tells her that he came from a diner that was surrounded by people that are like the ones outside of the farmhouse. By this time Barbra is totally out of it, acting strangely and insisting that her brother is still alive and they need to go find him. They trade a few slaps and Barbra passes out. Ben finds out that zombies are afraid of fire so he sets a few things on fire outside of the house to keep the zombies away. When Barbra wakes, two men (Mr. Cooper and Tom) emerge from the basement. They reveal they've been down there the whole time but were afraid to come up. Mr. Cooper tells Ben that he has a wife and a sick child in the basement and insists that they all go down there so they're safe.
Ben and the others decide to stay upstairs. They find a tv and watch the news to find out whats happening. They discover that the dead are coming back to life and feeding on human flesh and the only way to kill them is to shoot them in the head or burn them. There is a theory that radiation from a probe from NASA is causing the mutation and making people come back from the dead. They make a plan to try and escape by having Mr.Cooper throw malotov cocktails from the window to distract the zombies. Ben, Tom, and Judy (Tom's girlfriend) take the truck that Ben stole and go to the gas pump out back. They make it there but while Tom is trying to put gas in, he sprays it on the truck and the torch Ben had catches the truck on fire and it blows up with Tom and Judy in it. Zombies find the truck and start eating the remains of Tom and Judy. Ben makes it back to the house and boards up the doors and windows.
Ben finds out that Mr. and Mrs. Coopers daughter got bitten by a zombie and is worried that she may be carrying a disease. Mr. Coopers spazzes out and takes the gun while Ben is boarding up windows. They wrestle and Ben gets the gun back and shoots Mr. Cooper in the side. Finally Barbra snaps out of her haze and helps try to board up the windows but the zombies get in and she sees her brother Johnny. She thinks he's alive and tries to hug him but he takes her outside to the rest of the zombies (Whos hungry??) Cooper stumbles into the basement to check on his daughter but dies from the gunshot wound.
Mrs. Cooper goes into the basement to find her daughter eating the arm of her husband. Her daughter walks towards and her Mrs. Cooper falls down (typical) and her daughter stabs her with a garden tool (major over kill of mommy). The little girl then comes upstairs and tries to attack Ben, he barracades himself in the basment with the dead bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. Mr. Cooper comes back to life first and Ben shoots him in the head. Mrs. Cooper comes back seconds later he shoots her also. There are citizens and policemen walking around killing and burning the zombies. They come across the farmhouse and Ben hears them outside. He comes upstairs and looks out the window. They spot something in the window and shoot Ben in the head (Aint life a bitch?)
So this movie is really kinda cheese ballish. The acting is sometimes a little too dramatic and not really believable. Barbra got on my nerves because she kept spacing out and spazzing and grabbing at her hands and face throughout most of the movie..blahh! Some of the scenes where the zombies are getting killed aren't that good, but it did come out in 1968 soo...we've come a long way since then. There was a good amount of dead bodies, mostly zombies and a few unfortunate humans. There wasn't much blood, though there was a good bit when Helen Cooper got offed by her flesh eating daughter. There was a bit of nakedness, there was a butt shot of a naked lady zombie which actually kind of surprised me a little. I didn't remember that part.
But overall, I'd give this movie a 3 outta 5, you have to love the classic zombie movies. And I think I'd give it a 4 out of 5 on the it's so good it's bad scale. This is actually one of my favorite zombie movies. It's really old school but I love it. So thats that faithful readers. Don't forget to check out Zombie Zanes list of movie titles that are so bad they're good && his 7 nights of the best of the worst horror movies. And as always, check back next week for all new stuff at Dead End Horror.
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Walter Gilman, a stressed out college student working on his graduate thesis is searching for a nice, quiet place to live so he can study. He comes across a room for rent sign at an old, dilapidated house. He gets the room and settles in and begins his theisis when things start getting strange. While studying he hears scratching noises in the walls in his room. He dismisses them and keeps studying. He runs into the creepy old guy in apartment two who asks him if he has seen the rat with the human face yet and Walter ignores him. His next door neighbor Frankie also has a rat in her room and he helps her take care of it by boarding up the hole in the wall.
While studying in bed one night, there are more scratching sounds and purple lights coming from behind the wall in his room. A rat with a human face (That is one fugly rat by the way...ugh!) tells Walter that "she" is coming for him, but Walter dismisses this also and believes it's a dream. Walter has another run in with the creepy guy when he hears banging noises and yelling coming from downstairs. He goes to the old guys apartment and finds him praying and banging his head on a chair (Um...ouch!). The old man tells Walter that there is a witch hunting him and that the house is evil. He reveals that he used to live in the room that Walter lives in now and that the witch made him do horrible things. Walter doesn't believe him and ignores the old man.
Frankie asks Walter to watch her son Danny while she goes for a job interview, and while watching Danny and grading papers, Walter falls asleep and the purple lights appear in Frankies apartment. Someone in a robe appears and Walter wakes up. The woman in the robe stands infront of Walter and pulls her robe apart and is naked underneath (Yes, that means full frontal nudity ladies and gents). The woman in the robe takes the form of Frankie and Walter stands up and takes her to the bed and they start kissing while the woman is scratching a pentagram into Walters back. He looks at the woman and she turns into an old hag with grey hair, yellow crooked teeth and symbols carved into her skin and she starts to laugh. Walter wakes up screaming in his apartment while the baby is alone in Frankies apartment. He tries to open the door but it's locked, Frankie comes home and finds Walter outside of the door, trying to get in. He explains that he'd never leave Danny alone and that maybe he's sleep walking.
He borrows flour from Frankie and sprinkles it around his bed to see if he is infact sleep walking in the middle of the night. He hears scratching noises again and light scurrying and looks down at the flour to discover tiny animal footprints. He pulls up the cover and looks under the bed when a hand comes out from underneath the bed and drags him under. He appears in a dark room with the witch and that fugly little rat thing. His hand is over a book and the witch and the rat are telling him to sign. The rat crawls down Walters arm and bites him, causing him to bleed profusely all over the blank book infront of him. He wakes up and he's in the library with a book infront of him filled with demonic drawings and sayings. The librarian comes over and asks how he got into a restricted area and freaks out when she realizes that Walter had the necronomicon infront of him. (Random fun fact, the necronomicon is something HP Lovecraft often used in his stories. True story).
Walter goes home and tells Frankie that the witch and the fugly rat want him to to kill Danny for some sort of sacrificing ritual. Frankie freaks out and tells him to leave her alone. He talks to the old guy who tells Walter that his soul is in peril. He finds out that he was marked by witch and his soul will belong to her. He realizes that the witch goes back and forth between different dimensions to kill people. The creepy old guy tells Walter that he once worked for the witch and admitted to killing children for her because she made him do it. Walter goes to his room and takes a hammer and smashes a whole in his wall. He climbs into the wall and finds a room that the witch uses for rituals. He finds Frankie's son Danny in a cage and a knife on a table. The witch appears and hands Walter the knife so he can kill the baby. He struggles with the knife but the witch is making him want to kill Danny. After a bit of a struggle, he stops himself from hurting Danny and throws the knife on the floor.
The witch stabs him in the arm and shoulder and then Walter pushes his fingers into her eye sockets and strangles her. He takes Danny and goes back to his room. He puts Danny on the bed so he can rest when the rat appears and starts biting the babies neck. The old creepy guy starts praying and chanting and banging his head on a chair (Weird much?). Frankie is trying to get in Walters room when the police break down the door and find Walter on the floor, with Danny's lifeless body in his lap, and Walter is crying and covered in blood. They send him to the psych ward and he tries to explain to the doctor about the witch and the rat. He tells the doctors that he didn't kill Danny, but the fugly rat did.
They decide that Walter is a paranoid-schizophrenic and they want him locked up for life. Just then the CSI come to the hospital and tell the doctors that they found over 70 bodies in the wall and they range anywhere from 30-300 years old. They also said that the DNA on the bodies doesn't match Walters and that there were animal bites on Walters neck. The rat came into the psych ward and attacked Walter, biting his side. At the same time this was happening, the old guy from apartment 2 was taking down all of his religious stuff, and then he hung himself. The nurses came into Walters room to discover him bleeding, they lifted up his shirt and the rat was on his side, biting him. The rat ran out of the room and Walter bled to death.
This was an ok little episode thinger. It took a while for it to get going. I was a little bored at the beginning. I wasn't too wowed though. I've seen better, I've seen worse. The acting was pretty good, there wasn't much blood, maybe just 2 or 3 scenes that actually showed some. There was 1 death scene, when he was in the psych ward, the death of the baby was just sort of implied and idk..does the suicide of the old guy count?? Nahhh. There was a little nudity, just 1 full frontal shot (Don't get too excited). The plot was ok. I'd say overall I'd give this a 2.5 out of 5. It wasn't bad for only being 55 mins long. I would have liked to have seen more blood and stuff, but it was still decent. Don't forget to check out Zombie Zanes list of bad horror movie titles and his 7 nights of so bad they're good horror movies. And yeah yeah, you know what I'll say next, check back next week. =)
