FREAKY FUCKING FRIDAY 13 BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

HAPPY FRIDAY 13th EVERYBODY!! Hello Dead End Horror fans that want to hit our donate button and hook us up with some $$$! Ya know ya want to...Anyway, it’s Friday the 13th! Spooky day! So I was gonna cap the week off with some memorable quotes from some Stephen King adaptations. In case you didn’t know this week has been all about SK.

But, in lieu of it being Friday 13th I thought I’d save the quotes for another time. Lookit, we barely covered King so I’m sure we’ll be doing another tribute in the future. So, for today’s shit, I thought I’d share with you some freaky-ass information on this eerie little date. So, let’s cut out the foreplay and let me tell you some freaky-deaky shit.... 

This year, there will be a total of 3 Friday 13th’s. The next two come in April and July.

If you were born on a Friday 13th, you’re entire life will be nothing but bad luck.

Don’t cut your hair on Friday 13th either. It just may result in death for a family member. Or cut if you have someone that you wouldn’t mind getting rid of. Sorry. That was mean,. Fuck it. Let’s keep going.

Also, don’t change your sheets! If you do, you could have nightmares tonight! And maybe wake up with a NB! (Inside joke between Sasha and I.)

Also, avoid funeral processions. If you pass one, you may just bite the dust the next day.

Wanna get offed by a witch? Yes? Then all you have to do is don’t turn your calender over and leave it on Friday 13th. Legend has it, a witch will come and kill you the next day.

Need to cut your nails? Not on this day you don’t. Wait until tomorrow to do that. It’s bad luck to cut nails on this day. Don’t DO IT! 

Friday 13th is also a bad day for new beginnings. Don’t start anything new, no new relationships, no new businesses, fucking nothing new.

Are you planning a road trip? I’d wait until tomorrow to depart if I were you. Bad shit and misfortune are in the offing if you decide to embark on a journey today.

And last but not least, the fear of Friday 13th is known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. No shit!  

Well, there ya go. Some fun little tidbits for you to think on. As far as me and Sasha, we welcome the 13th. Why? Because we are the King and Queen of all things eerie and dark. We come alive in the nighttime!

So, on that note, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out! We’ll be back Monday with new shit for ya. See ya on the flip side.

SOMTIMES THEY REALLY DO COME BACK..BITCHES By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey there creepy readers that search for Willem Dafoe's penis. Pervs. Unfortunately, this article isn't about his penis, you may have to get off elsewhere. Or you could always stick around and get your mind blown =). Yes, it is yours truly Sasha Slaughter, entertaining you for the final time this week. Aww come on now, don't be sad. Zane'll be here tomorrow! Since our Stephen King tribute week is still going on, I thought I'd review a movie titled "Sometimes they come back". "Sometimes they come back" was a made for television horror flim based on a short story of the same name. It stars Tim Matheson, Brooke Adams, and Robert Rusler. It was directed by Tom McLoughlin and written by Stephen King (short story), Lawrence Konner, and Mark Rosenthal. So let me tell you a little about it huh?

Jim Norman moves back to his old hometown after being offered a job there. It was the last place Jim wanted to go, but under the circumstances, it's what he had to do to support his family. He moved away from the town twenty-seven year prior, after the horrific death of his older brother Wayne. He witnessed his brother being murdered by a group of greasers back in 1963 and hasn't been back since. The gang was murdered shortly afterward when their car, that was parked on the train tracks, was hit while they were inside. Shortly after starting his teaching job at the high school, Jim begins having nightmares about his brothers accident and the gang that killed him. Students that are close to him begin being involved in various accidents that look like suicides. One by one, as his students die, they are replaced by the greasers, disguised as new students in his class.

The greasers plan to kill Jim the same way they murdered Wayne in order to keep themselves from going to hell. They also plan on having a child witness the event, Jim's son Scott is who they have in mind. And the gang needs the remaining living member of the gang, Carl Mueller, who left just before the train struck the car. The gang harasses Jim's family in order to make sure he'll fulfill his promise and meet them where everything took place 27 years ago. Jim takes his wife and son to church where they'll be safe while he goes to find the gang. The gang eventually finds his wife son and lures them out of church and take them with them to the train tracks. Jim attempts to bring his brother back in a graveyard, but realizes there is something stopping him. It is then that Jim realizes that in order to bring back his brother, he has to cooperate with the gang and reenact the murder. Does Jim finally get the peace he has been searching for or do the greasers get their one ticket out of hell?

Ooooh!! The suspense is killin me smalls! Ohh, wait. It's not, I already know what happens. But those of you that haven't seen this movie don't, so go watch it! This was a decent film. Not a whole lot of gore or anything, but I think it was meant to be more of a ghost story type deal, with not alot of gore or violence. There were some semi gross scenes..but I won't give those away, you'll have to see for yourselves. The acting was good, and the plot was solid also. The greaser guys were mean little, vengeful bastards. But the one that laughed all the time, that high pitched annoying laugh...ughhh. But I guess it kinda went with the story..seeing as how they were all evil and stuff, trying to kill Jim and get out of hell. Overall I'd give "Sometimes they come back" a 3.5 out of 5. It's a pretty good ghost story type film and it kept me entertained throughout. And can I add that that car is beautiful! Yowza! Anyway, not one of my favorite Stephen King adaptations, but it's pretty good nonetheless. And while you're here, don't forget to peep out what Zane's got going on! Thanks for stopping by!

OUTLANDERS AND CORNHOLES By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey hey hey there! Sasha Slaughter here with you for yet another DEH post. And continuing with our Stephen King tribute, today I'll be reviewing a little movie titled "Children of the Corn". Ever heard of it? Yes? No? Well I'll tell you a little about it. And I will say, and this is kind of embarrassing seeing as how I'm totally into horror, it wasn't until today that I've seen the original Children of the Corn. Damn you Syfy and your stupid remakes!! 

But I'm new school, what can I say? Children of the Corn was based upon a 1977 short story by King. Set in the town of rural Gatlin, Nebraska, the film tells the tale of a demonic power referred to as "He who walks behind the rows". The entity entices the children of the town to ritualistically murder all of the adults to ensure a successful corn harvest. So let me tell you a little more about it.

A little boy named Job tells the story of a sleepy town named Gatlin. The town is mostly agricultural and is surrounded by vast cornfields. One particular year, the corn crop fails and the people of Gatlin turn to prayer in hopes to revive their crops. A mysterious boy preacher, Isaac Chroner, arrives and takes the children to the cornfield and speaks to them about the prophecies of "He who walks behind the rows". Isaac's second in command named Malachai, leads the towns children in a brutal slaying of all adults and any adults who happen to pass through the town.

Burt and Vicky are on their way to Seattle when they get lost and find themselves in Gatlin. They are traveling in their car when Burt hits a little boy that stumbled onto the road. He later discovers that the boys throat had been slit. He takes the boys body and puts it in his trunk and drives on. They search the town for a phone, and quickly realize that something isn't right. The children find the couple and chase them through the city. Burt and Vicky end up in a house where they find Sarah, Jobs' little sister. Burt decides to leave Vicky and try to find a phone. Soon after, the children find Vicky hiding in the house and kidnap her to sacrifice later that night.

Meanwhile, Malachai is getting tired of Isaac's arrogance, he decides to take command and orders Isaac to be sacrificed in Vicky's place. Night falls and Job and Sarah tell Burt that Vicky is in the clearing of the cornfield. He goes after her and finds the sacrifice of Isaac taking place. In the midst of the chaos, he finds Vicky and rescues her. He tells her to run while he explains to the children that their minds have been poisoned by a false god. Malachai attempts to kill Burt but is then killed by Isaac, who has been possessed by "He who walks behind the rows". Vicky and Burt run back to the barn where the other children are hiding and soon realize that in order to stop the demon they have to...

Ohhh nooo! What do they have to do??? Well I suggest you watch Children of the Corn and find out. I've only seen the remakes of this, and this was the first time I've seen the original. I must say, it was a decent film. Yeah, the special effects and what not are better in the newer versions, but who cares?? It's a classic baby! I do wanna know one thing...where the hell did they get some of those actors playing the children?? I mean yeesh! Some of them was ugly! haha. 

And Isaac really got on my nerves. The sound of his voice was like fingernails on a chalk board. And he pretty much looked like a 40 year old trapped in a 12 year olds body. But maybe it was supposed to be like that? I don't know. But it for made the movie creepier. Like I said, the special effects weren't great..."He who walks behind the rows" thing was really weird looking...I don't even know what it was supposed to look like. But it was 1984 afterall...sooo.

But it doesn't matter, like I said, it is a total classic! There were definitely some disturbing parts. Take the diner scene for instance, totally creepy. Everyone was hanging out after church and then all of the sudden BAM, kids start coming out of the woodwork and killing people. And I will say also that little Isaac and his enforcer Malachai were malevolent little pricks! I'd be scared of them. *Shivers*. Overall I'd give Children of the Corn a 3.5 out of 5. I was excited to see the original, but not too thrilled with the acting or the special effects. I loves me some SK, but this movie was a little on the cheez-whiz side, ya know? But it's still a great movie, and I'd probably watch it again.

So know you know how I feel about that, now you can go on over and see what Zane's got going on in his weird part of the world. But be careful, he just may moon you. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror.

HAIL TO THE FUCKING KING! BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror fans that do jumping jacks in the nude while listening to the golden oldies radio station. What’s poppin' slimes? Anyway, as you may or may not be privy to, this week Sasha and I are all about Stephen King. We figured this was long overdue. I mean he is the grandfather of horror.

Yesterday, Sasha gave you a top five list of her favorite King adaptations. After reading it, I figured what the fuck, I wanna do one too! So, let’s cut out the foreplay and let me share with you my favorite King adaptations....

ZOMBIE ZANE’S TOP 5 STEPHEN KING ADAPTATIONS

5.  Stand By Me (1986) This film was adapted from a novella titled, “The Body.” One of my favorite films of all time. I’m sure all you are familiar with this one, if not, REALLY? Leave this post right now and go watch it. The barfing scene is one of the best scenes ever! “...LARD-ASS! LARD-ASS! LARD-ASS!” 

4.  Christine (1983) Again, I’m sure all of yous are familiar with this one as well. Like if you’re not, shit...I don’t know...Maybe this is a good time for you to crawl out under that rock and start watching some of these movies. This movie is full of cool shit. The flaming car chasing Buddy Repperton, one of the creepiest scenes in the movie. And by the way, this film was directed by John Carpenter. 

3.  The Green Mile (1999) Not of the horror variety, but still, classic fucking King. “...Take my hand, boss...” Remember that line? This is a totally great film. In fact, it makes my top 25 list of the best movies ever. The acting, the plot, I could write a 2000 word essay why this movie kicks ass. So if you haven’t seen this film and read the book, fuck off outta here and go do so. 

2.  IT (1990) This thing was a television miniseries so it’s uber long. But don’t let that detour you. Like this is one adaptation that was damn near just as good as the book. Not quite as good, but close. There ain’t nothing scarier than a killer clown in the sewers. Fucking Pennywise is a bad motherfucker. Tim Curry did a hella good job! Kudos to him. 

1. Salem’s Lot (1979) Another TV miniseries but whatever. I fucking LOVE this movie! Love it! It scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. I’ll never forget the first time I saw the floating kid vampires. (The Glick brothers) All around the vampires in this film look bad-ass! Like I know it’s old, but shit! Awesome film. 

Well, there you go. My top 5 King adaptations. I know I left out some good ones, but there’s my list, take it or fuck off. Anywho, be sure and keep checking back all the week for more Stephen King shit. And also, be sure to drop over and see the ebbing out of existence Sasha Slaughter.

Until next time, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out! See you on the flip side.

TOP 5 STEPHEN KING ADAPTATIONS...WHAT WHAT!! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Guess who's back??? That's right DEH fans!! Zane and I are back and ready to rock your world! I know you've missed us...and we've missed you too! Yes, even you creepy weirdos who search for gross stuff. So this week Zane and I will be doing a little Stephen King tribute. The man is a legend as far as I'm concerned. One of my favorite authors for sure. 'Christine' was the first novel I've ever read by him, and from that moment I was hooked. Ok, enough walk down memory lane bullshit, let's get to it. Today I'll be giving you a top 5 list of my favorite Stephen King adaptations. Here we go!

5.) Thinner- Billy Halleck is an arrogant upper class lawyer living in suburban Maine. One day, while driving, Billy accidentally runs over an old Gypsy woman with his car. The Gypsy woman's father Tadzu Lempke curses Billy by touching his face and saying the word "Thinner". The curse causes Billy to lose weight rapidly, regardless of what he eats. The man also curses two of Billy's friends who help him avoid punishment for the Gypsy woman's death. Billy realizes that only Lempke himself can undo the curse, and tries desperately to make him do so.

4.) The Stand- A super flu hits the United States and leaves only 0.6 of the population left. The survivors gravitate between either the good side or the evil side. They are driven mainly to do so by having vivid dreams in the aftermath of the plague. Randall Flagg is the ruler of the evil, known as the "Dark Man", who tries to recruit people to join the evil side, where he reigns. Many of the remaining survivors begin to have dreams of Mother Abagail, and she eventually directs them to go to Boulder, Colorado where they begin a to establish a democratic society. Eventually Mother Abagail falls ill, and on her death bed, she instructs a few of the men to go to Las Vegas, Nevada to confront Randall Flagg, where the battle between good and evil begins.

3.) Bag of Bones- Mike Noonan is suffering severe writers block while mourning the death of his pregnant wife Jo. Four years after her death, Mike begins having nightmares that take place at his summer home in Maine. He decides to confront his fears and move to the house. His first day there, he saves a little girl named Kyra from a near accident and meets her mother, Mattie Devore. Mike gets dragged into a custody case between Mattie Devore and Max Devore (Kyra's grandfather). Mike begins to write again and quickly realizes that the ghost of his wife is helping him solve the murder of Sara Tidewell, a blues singer whose ghost is haunting the house.

2.) Rose Red- Dr. Joyce Reardon, a highly unorthodox psychology professor, leads a team of psychics to the massive Seattle mansion known as Rose Red. She is attempting to record data which would constitute proof of paranormal phenomena. The mansion is publicly thought to be haunted, as at least 23 people have died or disappeared there, and when they do, the interior of the house seems to get larger. Reardon's team unleashes a spirit in the house that causes several deaths and a revelation of the mansion's secrets.

1.) Shawshank Redemption- In 1947, banker Andy Dufresne is convicted of murdering his wife and her lover. He is sentenced to two life terms at the Shawshank State Penitentiary in Maine, run by Warden Samuel Norton. Andy befriends a man named Red, and soon realizes that Red has a knack for obtaining contraband. He asks Red to get him a rock hammer, and he does. Red jokes that Andy might use it to try and break out until he sees how small it is. Andy is eventually put in charge of the finances and begins giving financial advice to the guards and the warden. Andy learns from a new inmate named Tommy that he had heard an inmate at another prison claimed to have committed a crime similar to the one Andy was convicted of. When the warden finds out, he has Tommy killed and Andy is thrown into solitary for 2 months. The next day during roll call they find that Andy's cell is empty. When a warden throws a rock through a poster on the wall, it reveals a tunnel dug into the wall.

WHAT WHAT? Who doesn't love Stephen King right??? He's a genius I'm telling you! Hope you enjoyed my top 5 King adaptations, and if you haven't seen them, I highly suggest that you do. They are all amazing! And while you're here, don't forget to check out what Zane's up to...I heard that he faps to The Exorcist....spoooky! Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror!!!

BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP US BY: ZOMBIE 'NB' ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror fans that search facebook for shit you will never use. What’s good? So, Sasha and I are back for real this week. Please, hold all applause until the end of this post.

So, it’s Monday, fucking boo! And Monday means that’s it’s time for me to tell you what’s gonna be on the slab this week. So, with that in mind, here’s what Sasha and I have come up with...This week at DEH (Dead End Horror) will be all about the one, the only, the granddaddy of horror, Mr. Stephen Fucking King! Feel free to applaud now. 

But, yeah, we’re dedicating this week to the master of horror and some of our favorite shit that he’s done. Like movie adaptations, books, all kinds of shit. Sound good? I thought so.

Anyway, as you may or may not notice, we’ve made some (and are going to continue) changes around here. Different layout, different background picture, etc. etc. Hope you guys like it. Change is always good. So remember that when you’re wearing the same underwear for fucking days. Change is good.

What else was I gonna say...Shit. I hate when I have a brain fart. Which is quite often. Fuck it. I still can’t remember. Must’ve not been that important. I’ll probably remember the shit long after I type this motherfucker.

In any case, to kick off our week of Stephen King, I’ve decided to share this little article I wrote a few months back. I wrote this for Yahoo! So it’s like rated G. And another thing, it’s pretty short so you don’t have to worry about reading a ton of bullshit. So without further ado, here’s my article.


 
Hail to the King 


Pretty good huh? I know. I rock. I rule. I am Zombie Zane after all. Well, I guess that about does it for today. Make sure and come back ‘round tomorrow. Sasha will be doing her thang and you know you don’t wanna miss it. So, until tomorrow or the end of the world, whichever come first, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out! C-ya on the flip side.