Showing posts with label horror short story zombie zane. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horror short story zombie zane. Show all posts

Friday, April 6, 2012

I'd Totally Shane that Stupid Bitch By: Zombie Zane

Hey there Dead End Horror fans and noted golf playing ninja’s. What’s good? Speaking of good, it’s Good Friday so if you’re of the religious sort I gotta ask you what the fuck are you doing on this blog? But whatever reason you’re here, please, by all means stay.

This was a shitty week for us a DEH. First, there were tons of plumbing problems at the Zombie Zane house. Then to top it off, a ton of other zombies invaded my space. What a shit pile kind of week! 


And then, and then, Sasha was all geeked about watching the series, “Dark Shadows” but Netflix fucked the whole deal up. Read Sasha’s post for more info on that. I was bummed too. I was really wanting to hear what she thought about it. More than that, I was just wanting her to suffer through bullshit I thought she’d hate. I’m a great taskmaster. Just ask her. 
We’ve been running behind for the last few weeks and I beg your apology. Sometimes shit just gets away from ya and the next thing you know you’re behind. I like to behind. Behind Sasha that is! BAM! POW! How the fuck you like me now! What was that all about? I have no clue. Just rambling. 
Anyway, Sasha and I are gonna be back to schedule. Sooner rather than later. The dust is starting to clear and we should be back on track. Like next week. Fingers crossed! 
Okay noted dead heads and wet ends, have a safe and Hoppy Easter! Did you see what I did there? Hoppy? Get it? Bad joke I know. But what the fuck do you expect? I ain’t started drinking yet.

Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out. See you on the flip side.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Chocoalte Cake and Sodomy By: Zombie Zane

Put it in your mouth and suck it and suck it! What’s up Dead End Horror fans and noted apple turnovers? So it’s Wednesday and that means it’s time for me to post some shit. Aren’t you excited?

Anyway, what I got for you today is some Zombie Zane original shit. For the past few weeks I’ve been doing some short story writing for Yahoo! to go along with my sports shit. For those of yous who don’t know I do freelance writing. What? Did you think this was like my only job?
So this is where I’m gonna hit you up for a favor. I need some hits on some of these stories. You don’t have to read the shit. I mean you can if you want but I just need you to click on the links below. You click, I get paid and you ultimately get nada in return. Except the satisfaction of helping me out.

Don’t get me wrong, these are some good stories. I did write them after all. They are of the
PG-13 variety so I couldn’t say cunt or fuck or shit like that. And I had to edit some of the horror so they are bit watered down but good nonetheless.
So without further ado, here’s the links. Click ‘em and help your old buddy out. I Appreciate your support.

El Lobo

Skulls and Thugs

Well, that’s all I got for today. Be sure and see what Sasha’s up to. If your lucky she may have something good to show you. IF you’re not lucky...you are shit out of luck my friends. Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out. See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Found Footage of my Nut Sac By: Zombie Zane

Hey cumba-chumba! What’s good Dead End Horror fans? So this week Sasha and I are blogging about shit we haven’t seen yet in the horror movie world. Believe it or not, we haven’t seen every horror movie out there. Shocking I know.

Anyway, I just watched the movie, ‘The Amityville Haunting.’ Why did I watch it? I’m not sure. What can I say. I’m mildly amused by Amityville shit. Plus I had heard some shit about it and wanted to find out for myself. All I can say is you may want to avoid this one. 
SO this film is from 2011 and it is, get this...the 10th film inspired by the original. 10 films! Fuck me silly and call me Shirley. Really? I think they may be beating a dead horse here. Anyway, let me run down this film a little bit and then you can decide if you wanna peep it out or not.

Let me start off by saying it’s another one of those found footage type of deals. Dead HORSE! Fuck it, enough of that shit already. Anyway, it’s about a family that moves into the old, famous Amityville home. They obviously all got offed and their footage was the only thing found. There’s a fucking surprise. 
This thing had some creepy shit in it. But nothing I haven’t already seen. Maybe that explains why it went straight to DVD. Ya know, some originality would be nice. It seems like all the horror films lately are found footage. Tired of it.

Overall, I give this film a solid 2 out of 5. It wasn’t even middle of the road for me. And I usually dig Asylum films. Like I know they’re low budget but for the most part they’re worth a watch. This one is too if you’re not done with the found footage thing. But as for Sasha and I, we are totally done. 
This thing is available on Netflix instant watch if you are so inclined. Maybe check it out tonight if you don’t have anything else going on. Or maybe you’d rather watch paint dry. Or watch my pubic hair grow. Either way.

On that note that’s all I got for you today. Be sure and see what Sasha’s up to. I haven’t seen her yet today so that leads me to believe she’s doing something naughty. Let’s go find out, yes?
Until tomorrow, take care and stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and shopping for tuna net grease.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

That's Not Fucking Funny By: Zombie Zane

Wack-a-do, wack-a-do! What’s new? What’s good Dead End Horror fans that sleep with sheep? Anyway, this is not my normal posting day, our schedule is all fucked up this week due to us taking Monday off. But we’ll be back on schedule next week.

So since this isn’t my usual day, I thought that I would post something out of the norm. I stumbled across some pretty funny zombie jokes and thought I’d share a few of them with you. Sounds like a fuckin’ laugh riot, yes? I thought so.   

Okay, no more rambling. What do you say we cut the foreplay and get to the jokes, yes? Without further ado, here are five fucking funny zombie jokes:

Q: “What’s cuter than a zombie baby?”

A: “A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth.”

How cute! If that were my child I’d be posting that shit all over facebook! Wonder who many ‘Like’ hits I’d receive.

Q: “Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?”

A: “No! They eat the fingers separately."

Okay, that was a little lame. It did give me a chuckle though. Let’s see if I can’t turn up the heat on the next couple.

Q: “What’s blue, covered with frost, and sits next to a turkey?”


A: “ A zombie baby in the freezer!”


Ba-boom-crash! I’m not sure why the zombie baby is in the freezer. Like I get the joke and all but why the fuck is it in the freezer? Maybe someone locked it in there. Whatever.

Q: “What did the zombie do after it’s teeth were pulled out?”

A: “ It ate the dentist.”

Man, I really don’t get that one either. Why the hell would a zombie be at the dentist’s office any damn way? Okay, I know these are a little on the bad side, I’ll try and find better jokes the next time. Let’s do one more.

Q: “What do you call a zombie in a tux?”

A: “Black and white and dead all over.”


Okay, okay that’s it. No more jokes. If I didn’t have shit to do today I’d probably rethink this post. But, alas, I am a busy guy so I’m gonna post this anyway. Go by and read some of Sasha’s shit. It’s surely better than this post. Until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out.


Zombie Jokes

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Join the Cult Everybody! By: Zombie Zane

Yep! Yep! Yep! Yep! Yep! Let’s get to this motherfucking thing! Zombie Zane with you once again so please hold all comments until after the post. So, what’s good? Anyway, this week at Dead End Horror Sasha and I are talking about cult horror films. Much to Sasha’s chagrin. I don’t think she’s a fan.


But hey, I am! And so are you hopefully. Because if you ain’t, then you're most likely gonna stop reading this and leave me here with my thoughts. And I use my left hand for that in case you’re wondering.
So, how about I give you a list of the top five cult horror films of all time? Sound good? Okay, then. Let’s cut out the foreplay and get down to bussy.


Zombie Zane’s Top 5 Cult Horror Films of all Time.
5.  The Toxic Avenger (1984) This Troma film is one of my absolute favs! I remember being a little kid and sneaking up at like 2 a.m. to watch it. I’ve been a fan of this movie ever since. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

4.  Evil Dead II :Dead by Dawn (1987) ‘Let’s head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.’ Gotta love some Bruce Campbell. This is another movie that you must see.


3.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) Can’t have a cult horror movie list without this little gem. This movie is known for a ton of gore, but it’s really not as bloody as you may think.
2.  Faces of Death Volume 1 (1978) I remember this one too. Remember the tagline was something like, ‘Banned in 46 Countries!’

1.  The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) The title speaks for itself. Like I can sing most of the songs from this thing and damn near quote it verbatim. Fucking love it!


So see, if you’re not that familiar with cult horror, try giving these movies a watch. Or go see what Sasha’s writing about. She’s watching some pretty good cult horror films as well. So until the next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am outta here! Onward and upward.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

OUTLANDERS AND CORNHOLES By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey hey hey there! Sasha Slaughter here with you for yet another DEH post. And continuing with our Stephen King tribute, today I'll be reviewing a little movie titled "Children of the Corn". Ever heard of it? Yes? No? Well I'll tell you a little about it. And I will say, and this is kind of embarrassing seeing as how I'm totally into horror, it wasn't until today that I've seen the original Children of the Corn. Damn you Syfy and your stupid remakes!! 

But I'm new school, what can I say? Children of the Corn was based upon a 1977 short story by King. Set in the town of rural Gatlin, Nebraska, the film tells the tale of a demonic power referred to as "He who walks behind the rows". The entity entices the children of the town to ritualistically murder all of the adults to ensure a successful corn harvest. So let me tell you a little more about it.
A little boy named Job tells the story of a sleepy town named Gatlin. The town is mostly agricultural and is surrounded by vast cornfields. One particular year, the corn crop fails and the people of Gatlin turn to prayer in hopes to revive their crops. A mysterious boy preacher, Isaac Chroner, arrives and takes the children to the cornfield and speaks to them about the prophecies of "He who walks behind the rows". Isaac's second in command named Malachai, leads the towns children in a brutal slaying of all adults and any adults who happen to pass through the town.

Burt and Vicky are on their way to Seattle when they get lost and find themselves in Gatlin. They are traveling in their car when Burt hits a little boy that stumbled onto the road. He later discovers that the boys throat had been slit. He takes the boys body and puts it in his trunk and drives on. They search the town for a phone, and quickly realize that something isn't right. The children find the couple and chase them through the city. Burt and Vicky end up in a house where they find Sarah, Jobs' little sister. Burt decides to leave Vicky and try to find a phone. Soon after, the children find Vicky hiding in the house and kidnap her to sacrifice later that night.
Meanwhile, Malachai is getting tired of Isaac's arrogance, he decides to take command and orders Isaac to be sacrificed in Vicky's place. Night falls and Job and Sarah tell Burt that Vicky is in the clearing of the cornfield. He goes after her and finds the sacrifice of Isaac taking place. In the midst of the chaos, he finds Vicky and rescues her. He tells her to run while he explains to the children that their minds have been poisoned by a false god. Malachai attempts to kill Burt but is then killed by Isaac, who has been possessed by "He who walks behind the rows". Vicky and Burt run back to the barn where the other children are hiding and soon realize that in order to stop the demon they have to...

Ohhh nooo! What do they have to do??? Well I suggest you watch Children of the Corn and find out. I've only seen the remakes of this, and this was the first time I've seen the original. I must say, it was a decent film. Yeah, the special effects and what not are better in the newer versions, but who cares?? It's a classic baby! I do wanna know one thing...where the hell did they get some of those actors playing the children?? I mean yeesh! Some of them was ugly! haha. 
And Isaac really got on my nerves. The sound of his voice was like fingernails on a chalk board. And he pretty much looked like a 40 year old trapped in a 12 year olds body. But maybe it was supposed to be like that? I don't know. But it for made the movie creepier. Like I said, the special effects weren't great..."He who walks behind the rows" thing was really weird looking...I don't even know what it was supposed to look like. But it was 1984 afterall...sooo.

But it doesn't matter, like I said, it is a total classic! There were definitely some disturbing parts. Take the diner scene for instance, totally creepy. Everyone was hanging out after church and then all of the sudden BAM, kids start coming out of the woodwork and killing people. And I will say also that little Isaac and his enforcer Malachai were malevolent little pricks! I'd be scared of them. *Shivers*. Overall I'd give Children of the Corn a 3.5 out of 5. I was excited to see the original, but not too thrilled with the acting or the special effects. I loves me some SK, but this movie was a little on the cheez-whiz side, ya know? But it's still a great movie, and I'd probably watch it again.
So know you know how I feel about that, now you can go on over and see what Zane's got going on in his weird part of the world. But be careful, he just may moon you. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror.

Friday, December 16, 2011

WHEN IN DOUBT, SUCK IT BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror fans that go commando on chilly, winter days. What’s good? So, I know that I said I was gonna do a list of five more holiday horror movies for ya, but...I changed my mind. Why? Because I’ve decided to use our time here to shamelessly self promote some of my other work. I know that sounds lame and shit, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Look, you don’t have to read every motherfucking story. Alls you gotta do is simply clink the links and maybe share it on facebook, or Twitter or whatever. I could really use the hits and I know that I would totally do that for you if the shoe was on the other foot. 
And by the way, it ain’t like these stories are long and shitty. In fact, most of these are horror. So see, it’s all good. Now then, because of Yahoo!’s strict rules, I had to keep most of these on the PG-13 level. So no fucks, cunts, assholes, dicks, cocksuckers, etc. etc. Like I had to keep it relatively clean.

So, how about it? How about giving some of these a read. Help your good buddy Zombie Zane. You be good to Zombie, Zombie be good to you! Okay, here’s some of the links. Wait. Before I post these links, let me tell you about the three stories I wanna share with yous.
The first is a kinda horror/western theme, the second is about alien abductions and shit like that, the third is also alien related. But like I said, they all have a little horror in them. I mean after all, I am the horror master. Okay, here’s the links....

The Legend of Clayton Jacobs

The Greys

Never Was

See, that wasn't so bad. Anyway, thanks for giving me the traffic. Really appreciate it. Before you go, be sure to see what Sasha has got going on. Maybe she's in the nude hanging up Christmas lights. Until Monday, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!