COLDER THAN A WITCHES TIT BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that like to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy till the break of dawn, YEAH! What’s poppin’ slimes? Well, it’s Friday so that means it’s time for me to do what I do. And by that I mean educate you guys about some good horror. Speaking of good horror, did y’all catch the latest episode of ‘American Horror?’ Fucking A! What a series! That maid talking to that Armenian dude about thick cocks...Crazy! Then when she bit...OOPS! Better stop just in case you haven’t caught it yet.

Anyway, how about we talk about one of the horror movies I watched a couple of nights ago? Ya wanna? Ever seen, “The Thaw?” No? Oh shit! Ya gotta see this thing. Especially if bugs and parasites give you the wibbly-wobbles. So how about we cut the foreplay and get to today’s shit, yes?

“The Thaw” is a 2009 American horror/sci-fi film. It’s also one of the ‘Ghosthouse Underground’ movies. Just in case you were wondering. And just in case you weren’t. Anywho, it’s directed by Mark A. Lewis and it stars Val Kilmer and a bunch of people I’ve never heard of. It runs just about 90mins and sadly, it’s not on Netflix for instant watch. BOO! But if you have IFC, you may can find it on there. I’ve seen it on there a few times. Or you can always go out and get it. There are Best Buy’s and shit like that that sell dvd’s and whatnot.

Ok, how about we get to the plot and other shit?

THE PLOT AND OTHER SHIT

The plot breaks down like this: A global warming research team stumbles across this deadly parasite while doing some research in the Arctic about the effect global warming has on the icecaps. Once the parasite is released, YAMMA MAMMA! All shit breaks loose and the mayhem begins. Sounds good huh? 

I gotta tell ya, this movie made my fuckin’ skin crawl! Bugs and shit like that give me the crawlies. I was like tweeking out while I was watching this thing. Just the thought of something alien laying eggs in me and then hatching....YIKES!  

I really liked this film. Anything that makes you uncomfortable when you watch it (especially horror movies) is a must watch. I mean if you’re gonna do safe, then fucking watch ‘Twatlight’ or some shit. It’s all about getting freaked out, don’t you agree? So yeah, I really liked this film. Not all the Ghosthouse movies are good, but this is one of the better ones.

On that note, I give ‘The Thaw’ a solid 3.25 out of 5. There’s not much in the way of gore, I mean there is some, this dude cuts off his infected arm. And some of the sick people do some pretty gross shit, so there is a bit of an ich factor to it. No nudity though, sorry boob fans. But whatever. It’s still worth an hour and a half of your time. So if you wanna see flesh eating, egg laying alien parasites, give this a watch. You’ll like it.

Well, I guess that’s all the news that’s fit to print. It’s the weekend and I got shit to do. Like what? Drink beer and raise the dead of course! Anyway, until Monday, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and midget orgy grease!

1..2..THESE WAYWARD SPIRITS ARE COMING FOR YOU! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey there for the final time this week! Sasha Slaughter here with to pleasure your eye sockets with some kick ass horror. This will be our last full week of posting until after Thanksgiving. We'll post Monday and Tuesday of next week and then Zane and I are taking a break for a few days. We've been so busy there, that we haven't been able to participate in as much debaucherous behavior as we'd like to. 

But I guarantee during our break we'll get into all kinds of things...maybe we'll tell you about it..or maybe not. So today I'll be telling you weirdos about a movie called The Gravedancers. Ever hear of it? No? Yes? Well let me tell you a few things about it. The Gravedancers is a 2005 American horror film directed by Mike Mendez and written by Brad Keene and Chris Skinner. Here's something you may or may not know, The Gravedancers was chosen as one of 8 Films to Die For in 2006 and was screened at that year's After Dark Horrorfest film festival. Awesome. Let me tell you a little more about it.

The film begins with a young woman in a dark room telling someone or something to leave her alone. She is then attacked by an invisible force, who hangs her in the stairway of her house. As she dies, she drops a black envelope on the stairs. Fast forward exactly one year later to the funeral of Devin Lansing, who died in a car accident. His three close friends from college, Sid, Kira, and Harris attend the funeral and meet up at a local bar. 

Sid decides that they should all go to Devin's grave one last time together because he didn't go to the funeral. Harris and Kira are hesitant at first but eventually meet up with Sid. They begin drinking and saying their final goodbyes to an old friend. Sid finds a black envelope tucked behind flowers on Devin's headstone. It contains a note urging those present and alive to be joyful and dance on the graves. In their drunken state, the three friends regard this as a celebration of life, and so they dance.

Shortly after, strange things begin happening. Harris and his wife Allison are frightened by unexplained sounds and odd visions. While lying in bed one night, Allison hears someone next to her saying "He told me that he loved me" and when she turns around she sees a woman whom she thinks is Kira, Harris' old flame from college. The woman lunges at Allison and she runs down the stairs to tell Harris. She is so convinced that it was Kira that she drives herself and Harris to Kira's house to confront her. 

Upon arriving, they discover Kira's house in disarray and Kira nowhere to be found. They are walking through the house when Kira stumbles out of the bathroom but it quickly dragged back inside while the door slams shut. Harris opens the door and finds Kira cowering in a bathtub with blood and marks all over her body. They take her to the hospital where the doctor tells them that she was severely bitten and possibly sexually assaulted.

They get a call from Sid who believes he is being haunted. He enlists the help of two paranormal investigators, Vincent Cochet and Frances Culpepper. They talk to Harris and Sid and the two admit that they danced on graves the night of Devin's funeral and tell the investigators about the note on the headstone. Vincent and Frances tell them that they inadvertently invoked a powerful force by dancing on the graves. They tell them that they are now being haunted by three wayward spirits. Sid is being haunted by a child pyromaniac, Harris is being haunted by a passionate axe murderer, and Kira is being haunted by a serial killer/rapist who had a fetish for sodomy. They then tell Harris and Sid that the spirits will take their revenge and kill them on the next full moon.

As the full moon approaches, under the advice of Vincent and Frances, they return to the cemetery to uncover the remains of their tormentors, hoping to rebury them and put the curse to rest. The spirits attack Sid, Harris, and Kira at the cemetery and they barely escape alive. They return back to Vince's home where they are attacked again by the malevolent forces. Kira is talking to Allison when the force that's haunting her finds her and traps her in a room. 

Sid and Harris are trying to knock down the door to get to her, but when they do they find Kira floating in the air and a shard of glass hovering above her throat. As they move to save her, an unseen force slits Kira's throat and she falls to the floor. Vincent insists that everyone stay together, and when they can't find Frances, he eventually finds her alone in a study. Allison, Harris, and Sid join them and that's when she tells them that.....

What does that nerdy bitch have to say?? Well, how about you go to Netflix and watch The Gravedancers and find out! I liked this movie alot. It creeped me out a few times..I mean it gave me goosebumps and everything. The special effects were a little on the cheesy side, but creepy nonetheless. I mean the creepy, rapist ghost when it was attacking Kira was just scary looking!! Ughh! 

I'd straight pee in my underpants if I saw that thing coming at me. But I will say that some of the effects really kinda looked like people in Halloween costumes, not too believable really. And it's the weirdest thing, I thought that I'd never seen this movie, but it wasn't until almost towards the end when I saw the ghost of the child pyromaniac when I realized that I had seen it before. How could I forget that creepy skull head on that little kids body!

The acting was decent and I thought the plot was really original also. The whole getting cursed for dancing on graves thing was kinda cool I thought. It was a little B-ish though during some parts. Not horrible, but not great either. My one big problem was with the end, I won't give it away but the last five minutes are just...terrible. The CGI at the end was totally unnecessary and completely ridiculous. It sort of reminded me of a scary Disney movie. 

Overall I'd give The Gravedancers a 3.5 out of 5. It was a decent film, something I'd definitely recommend watching with someone in the dark, it's sure to make you jump a time or too. Not really all that scary, but I think it meant more as a cheesy, over the top kinda thing, ya know? Now that you know how I feel about that, make sure to stop by and see what Zane's doing! And as always, check back next week for new stuff here at Dead End Horror.

HORROR'S BEST BOOBS PART 2 BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that are fans of the automobile and are into kinky sex with one legged wrestling superstars. What’s poppin’ slime? Anyway, another day, another post. I got some good shit for all you horny horn-balls out there. A while back I did a post about Horror’s Hottest Boobs. Do ya remember that one? Sure ya do. 

Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to kinda do a sequel. Now before I get to it, Sasha Slaughter is not, I repeat, IS NOT gonna grace us with a sneak peak. BOO! I know, I know. I tried, I tried. But to no avail. But hey, don’t worry. I got a five other contestants. In all, that’s like ten total tits! Two boobs per contestant equals ten total ta-ta’s! I rule! So how about we quit the foreplay and get to Horror’s Hottest Hooters Part Two!

These first set of bra buddies belong to Brit Ekland. She played ‘Willow’ in 1973's “The Wicker Man.” I’m sure you remember this odd little scene don’t ya? Remember her like slapping her ass and banging on the wall? Btw, the song she’s singing, is a killer song. I have the remake by The Sneaker Pimps. They used that song on ‘Hostel.’ Remember, Sasha? 

 

The next set of ICBMS belong to Cerina Vincent. She was the dark haired girl in ‘Cabin Fever.’ Btw, remember when she was fucking her boyfriend at the first and she rolls him over and jams her finger up his ass? What the fuck? One little side note, ‘Cabin Fever’ is a Zombie Zane favorite. Love it! Got Heeeeeem! 

Next set of skooners that we need to discuss is Erin Marie Hogan. Ya know, she’s the sister in ‘Paranormal Entity.’ Ya gotta wait for most of the movie to see ‘em, but what the hell. The movie ain’t that bad so, ya know, it’s kinda a win-win deal. Ya get to see a good movie, and you get a bonus at the end. They’re not as good as Sasha’s, but beggars can’t be choosers. 

Remember that movie, ‘Starship Troopers?’ Do you remember the red-headed chick? Anyway, I’m talking about Dina Meyer. She was the one that had the wettie for Rico. And by the way, Rico was such a douche bag! I hated the retard! I thought it was funny when he got his ass canned. Fuck-tard. Anyway, Dina Meyer makes the list. 

Last but not least we have Gianna Michales. Remeber the topless parasailer in ‘Piranha 3D.?’ That’s her. Not sure why I didn’t include her on the last one of these I did. But whatever. Better late than not at all.  

 

Well, there ya go. Plenty of spank bank material for ya. I still wish Sasha would’ve given us a sample, maybe if and when I do another one she’ll give up the plate. But for now we just gotta use our imagination. Well, at least you guys have to. I’ve seen them. And they are spectacular!

Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and you still ain’t cooler than me grease! 

EVIL DEMON GOT YA SCREAMIN! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Well helloooo there!! Sasha Slaughter here with you on another dreary grey day. I'm telling you, this kind of weather makes me want to sleep all day. But like I said yesterday, I have to stay awake and entertain you, our minions! Today I'll be telling you about Paranormal Activity 2. If you were good little followers, then you'd know that yesterday I told you a little about Paranormal Activity.  

Paranormal Activity 2 is a prequel to the first one. It was released on October 22, 2010 and was written by Michael R. Perry and directed by Tod Williams. And one of the producers, Oren Peli, actually wrote and directed the first installment, Paranormal Activity. So let me tell you more about it huh?

In 2006 what homeowners Kristi and Dan Rey think is a burglary is actually something more sinister than they could ever imagine. They come home to find their house completely trashed, except for their infant son Hunter's bedroom. They realize the only thing that was stolen was a necklace given to Kristi by her sister Katie (remember her from the first film?). Dan decides to install security cameras to watch over Hunter. 

Martine, the housekeeper and nanny, can sense evil in the room and decides cleanse the house of "evil spirits". Dan finds her burning sage and immediately fires her. Meanwhile Katie and Kristi begin talking about how they were tormented by a demon when they were children and wonder if it's happening again. Dan and Kristi's daughter Ali begins to investigate the mysterious happenings. Eventually she discovers that on occasion, a human can make a deal with a demon for wealth or power by forfeiting the life of their first-born son. Ali also realizes that until Hunter, there had not been a male child born into Kristi and Katie's family since the time of their great-grandmother.

The violence begins to escalate and Katie is getting tormented further. The family's loyal dog named Abby is attacked violently off-camera and then apparently suffers a seizure. Dan and Ali decide to take the dog to the vet, leaving Kristi alone with Hunter. Kristi goes to check on him when she notices a light flicker on and off. She turns the light back on but as she walks away she notices it flicker off again. As she goes to investigate she is suddenly dragged down the stairs by an unseen force and then suddenly released. 

Kristi immediately runs back up the stairs but is again dragged down the stairs. This time Kristi is dragged into the basement where she stays for hours. Finally the basement door opens and Kristi walks out. The following day Ali is alone with Kristi, who wont get out of bed. Ali notices that the inside of the basement door is covered with scratches. She also sees the word Meus (Latin for Mine) carved into the door. That was only the beginning, the worst was yet to come for the Rey family.

I think I pretty much said it all yesterday. This film was decent too. I will say, it creeped me out. The weird loud growling noises, the chick getting dragged down the stairs..it was just creepy. I jumped a few times and was weirded out, but I kinda like that feeling. Total adrenaline rush. Like I said, all these sequels and prequels are just total overkill. Leave well enough alone! Ok, so two films are fine. The first one leaves us wanting more, and the second actually explains more, and hey, now we get it. No more! 

Do something more productive with your time...write a kick ass horror movie that ISN'T a sequel to Paranormal Activity 2....or 3...blahh!! I'm not hating on sequels, sometimes they're ok, but sometimes they are total shit. I already mentioned the Saw series...total overkill. The first 2 or 3 were good and creepy and bloody. The rest of them were like...REALLY??

Anyway, I'd give Paranormal Activity 2 a 3.5 out of 5. Like I said, it weirded me out and I liked the fact that it was a prequel and it explained some events that had happened before Micah and Katie started experiencing activity in their home. It's a good movie to watch in the dark..alone if you dare! So there it is, and thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror. Don't forget to check out what Zane's got going on. You'll be glad you did. Trust me. 

DOES ANYONE HAVE THE NUMBER FOR THE NEAREST GHOST BUSTER? By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Well hey there substance abusing sheepies!! How are things?? Things are grey and dreary in my part of world and it makes me wanna sleep. But alas, I can't sleep... I must entertain you, our faithful blog stalkers. And since it's still random, do whatever you want time here at DEH, I'll be giving you a little review of Paranormal Activity. Ever hear of it? No? Where the hell have you been?? I figured since Paranormal Activity 3 came to theatres  recently, I'd give you a little rundown of 1 and 2 (which I'll be doing tomorrow).  

Paranormal Activity was written and directed by Oren Peli and produced by Steven Schneider and Jason Blum. It was first seen at the Screamfest Film Festival on October 14, 2007 and then it hit select theatres on September 25, 2009. And finally Paranormal Activity came to theatres worldwide on October 16, 2009. Let me tell you more about it.

Paranormal Activity is a 2007 supernatural horror film. It centers around young couple Micah and Katie, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. It's presented in the style of "found footage" (Think Blair Witch Project), from a camera set up by the couple in an attempt to capture footage of what is haunting them. Katie and Micha had recently moved into a two story house in suburban California and Katie believes that an "Evil" presence that has haunted her since childhood has followed her to their new home. 

Each night, Micah mounts a video camera on a tripod in their bedroom to try and catch any activity that may happen while they are asleep. The first night all they catch is footsteps. Katie calls a psychic named Dr. Fredrichs, who tells her that she isn't being haunted by a ghost, but by a demon. He tells her that the demon feeds off of negative energy, and that it's intent is to haunt and torture Katie no matter where she goes.

The psychic advises them not to taunt or attempt communication with the demon, and to contact a demonologist right away. Katie seems interested and desperate for help, Micah doesn't take the information seriously. Over the next several nights the camera captures supernatural phenomena that is minor at first. As time goes on the activity gets more intense. On night 5 Katie wakes up from a terrible nightmare and it is revealed that something was whispering to her in her sleep. 

Micah decides to go against the psychics warning and begins tauting the demon. That's when the activity goes from bad to worse. On night 13 they are awoken by a screech and a loud thud. When they go downstairs to investigate they see the chandelier moving by itself. Two days later, on night 15, Katie wakes up and stands by the bed and stares at Micah for hours while he sleeps and then goes to the backyard and sits in the swing. Micah awakens and tries to convince her to come inside but she refuses.

Katie, who is already irritated by Micah's dismissal of the psychics warning, becomes irate when Micah decides to bring in a Ouija board, despite what they were told about taunting the demon. They leave the house that same evening and while they are gone the planchette on the board spins out of control and a small fire erupts on the board but goes out before they get home. They return to find an unrecognizable and unreadable message on the board. 

After that the activity gets more intense and Micah decides to put talcum powder in the hallway to see if anything happens. The couple wakes up to find non-human footprints leading from the bedroom to the attic. Micah then goes to the attic and finds an old picture of a young Katie, which was thought to have been destroyed in a house fire. The activity only worsens from there, and begins to become physical and eventually deadly.

I ain't afraid of no ghost! Ok, yes I am. Eeek! I liked this film when it came out. It freaked me out hardcore. I wasn't like, crying or hiding my eyes or anything, but I will admit that I did jump a few times. The thing that freaked me out the most was the footprints in the powder. Ohh and her getting dragged out of bed, that was freaky deaky too! This movie sort of reminded me of the Blair Witch Project and Quarantine in the way that it was filmed. Movies like that are ok, but sometimes they're a bit overdone. 

And speaking of overdone, Paranormal Activity now has a prequel which is Paranormal Activity 2 and then a third installment obviously titled Paranormal Activity 3 that was released in theatres on October 21, 2011. COME ON MAN! That's just overkill. And in horror, overkill is good, but I'm talking death scenes, not sequels to movies, ya dig?

And I heard that they are planning a Paranormal Activity 4...REALLY?? Stop the madness! This is kinda like the Saw series. The first 1 or 2 were good...and the next 5 were overkill. I'd give Paranormal Activity a 3.5 out of 5. It creeped me out and the acting was pretty decent. If it weren't for the footprints and the chick getting dragged out of bed, and the random, loud scary noises, I'd probably give it a 2.5. It's a decent film to watch if you feel like getting spooked. Well, that's that, how about you hop on over and see what Zane's doing? I think he may be planning to go old school on your candy asses!

DRUNK ZOMBIES AND HORNY WEREWOLVES BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror goats that hang with people you hate to make yourselves feel cooler. So, how’s that shit workin’ out for ya? Douche bags. Anyway, what a weekend here at DEH. (Dead End Horror) Needless to say, I’m a little worse for wear. This weekend the booze was flowin’, the nudity was plenty, (thanks in part to the very drunk and half nekkid Sasha Slaughter) and my poor New York Football Giants suffered a very heart breaking loss in the Bay Area. So pardon me if I am not in the best of moods. On a positive note, I continue to kick serious ass in fantasy football. I won by huge margins in both my leagues. But again, not here to discuss sports. Let’s get to today’s post, yes?

So this week at DEH, Sasha and I are gonna just do a bit of whatever. Oh don’t worry, it’ll be good. When is it ever not? I mean HULLO! We are the horror blog with the most swagger. Often imitated but never, EVER duplicated. Believe that shit!

I’m thinking that I may just do like three movies. I still have some shit on my DVR that I wanna watch. It’s some old-school Vincent Price shit too. Like, ‘The Tingler’ or I got ‘House of Wax’ or maybe I may do another installment of “Horror’s Hottest Boobs.” That seemed to go over pretty well. Maybe Sasha will contribute this time...Oh well, one can hope. But whatever I do, it’ll be sure to melt your butter.

As far as Sasha, not sure what she’s got on the slab. She may wanna do some ‘Fear Itself’ or she may wanna do some ‘Masters of Horror.’ Hell, she may wanna do both. Or she may wanna do none of the above and do all movies. Hard to know with that one. For all I know she may be planning another one of her well oiled midget and Ouija board parties. Those are quite fun! But in any case, you’ll just have to check back this week to see what’s what.  

Well sheep, I guess that’s all I got for you today. Be sure and check back this week to see what’s good. So until then, take care, stay a-scared and I am out. Peace peace and I will always conquer the haters grease! Fuck you, you fake ass freak shows. You know who you are.