..”THROW IT TO THE HOOKER!” Reppin’ the seven six one oh seven, it’s that time once again to do what we do y’all. Time to talk some horror. And let me tell ya, I got a very strange motherfucker of a movie for today’s post. Anyone ever heard of the movie, “Penetration Angst?” No, you pervs, it ain’t a porno...Well, not really. I mean it does have Fiona Horsey (Sasha hates her, lol) so if you’re familiar with her stuff, I guess you know it does have a shitload of nekkidness in it. But if you aren’t, then stay here and educate yourself. I’ll tell you all about this film and show you some images as well. So let’s cut out the foreplay and get down to bussy! (Bussy- Re-re speak for business. More of an inside joke between Sasha and I) So, let’s get to it, yes?
“Penetration Angst” is a UK horror film written and directed by Wolfgang Buld. And it stars (as I mentioned in the above paragraph) Fiona Horsey. Now when this film was released in 2003 over here in the USA, they dropped the Penetration and just released it as, “Angst.” It runs just about 100mins, and can usually be found in those ‘bargain buy’ sets. My set is called, “Blood Bath.” Not a bad set either, it’s got 12 movies on it and I think I got it on Amazon. So if you wanna up your horror movie collection, this is a cheap way to do it.
As I said earlier, this is one odd film. I mean anytime you combine a girl with a hungry pussy and a set of horny conjoined twins, and a sunburned dick, I mean c’mon, how fuckin’ random is that? Anyway, this film is about a woman (Fiona Horsey) who turns into a prostitute to satisfy her hungry twat. That’s right. Hungry twat. Her box eats all the guys she bangs. Now the only problem with this is, she finally finds a dude she likes but doesn’t want to throw him a fuck due to the fact that her tool shed will eat him up. Kinda funny huh? I mean if you think about it, sometimes guys go down and eat out, right? But in this film, the girls nah-nah is the one doing the eating. Now that’s funny!
Ok, I know I was brief in that review (Brief like when I wear my tighty-whitties!) Eww, sorry for the nasty image. But if I were to get into the plot too much, you wouldn’t watch it. I watched this film without knowing anything about it. That’s the best way to roll. Trust me, I’m a professional.
Overall, I’m not sure what I think about this film. It was kinda hard for me to rank. It was just so fuckin’ weird, man. But as I do with all movies, I try and find some kind of ranking So I gave “Penetration Angst” a 2 out of 5. It had plenty of nudity, and plenty of gore as well. It was just really, really strange. Is it worth a watch? Sure. I mean it is a different kind of horror film. My advice, just save it until one of those late nights when there ain’t nothing on and you got a little buzz goin’ and aren’t quite ready to crash yet. That’s the best time for this kinda movie.
So, wanna see some blood and boobs? ME too! Here’s some scenes from this odd little nugget...
YEP-YEP-YEP! I guess that about covers it. If you wanna see some more then get the movie. And before you get outta here, be sure and see what kinda stuff Sasha has for you. I'm sure she has just what you need. She may even have a hungry box...Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!
BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!! Hey there!! Sasha Slaughter here with you for the final time this week and for the final day of random stuff month. Since I reviewed a zombie movie yesterday, I figured why not stay with the zombie theme. So, I'm going to list the top 5 reasons why I love zombies. I guess that kinda explains the whole "BRAINS" opening a little better huh?? I've always been fascinated by zombies, ever since I was a teenager and saw "Night of the Living Dead" (The original) for the first time. After that I was hooked. I don't know what their appeal is to me, but zombies are hands down my favorite monster. RAWR!!! So kick back and enjoy top 5 reasons why I love zombies!!!
5.) They fuck shit up. They cause chaos, panic, and disorder. Think about it, in most movies when a zombie apocalypse happens, the whole entire world seemingly shuts down. People leave, they kill themselves out of fear, they end up becoming the very thing they are afraid of or they man the hell up and try to survive. In almost every zombie movie I've ever seen, entire populations are wiped out or they flee somewhere else to get away from the zombies. With all of the chaos and death happening, would you be able to survive a zombie apocalypse? Would you be able to stay calm and get out alive or would you fall victim to the zombies?? I myself don’t do so well with chaos or panic, I'd probably never make it out alive. So I'm really hoping I never have to live through a zombie invasion. Because my pasty white Yankee ass would perish...quickly.
4). All they wanna do is eat your brains..or whatever else they can sink their rotting teeth into. They don't care who you are, where you live, or if they knew you before they died and then became undead. All they wanna do is eat you. They'll munch on your flesh, slurp up your brains and occasionally eat your intestines like spaghetti. Zombies are bad mamma jammas.
3.) I find humor in zombies. The whole concept of being undead and being ravenous for brains is funny to me. You gotta admit, sometimes the zombies in movies do some pretty funny shit. It's especially funny when they make noises. You know, the standard zombie moaning noises. It always cracks me up when they do that. There's just a quality about them that never ceases to amuse me. They could be coming for my brains, and if they make funny noises while doing so, yeah, I'm gonna laugh.
2.) They can be killed....but only by destroying their brains or decapitating them. No stakes in the heart or strings of garlic will keep these flesh hungry stalkers down. You gotta go straight for the thinker if you wanna survive the zombie invasion. Get your guns or axes, whatever you can use to split a zombies head open with. That's your only guaranteed way to survive the undead.
1.) Zombies aren't vampires. I'm not crazy about vampires, but I don't hate them either. OK, I'll admit, I'm kind of obsessed with Twilight (I'm a chick, whattya want from me??). But like the movie said, vampires do kind of suck. Especially the new ones. They only drink from animals, they can come out in the daylight and to top it all off, they sparkle in the sun!!! WHAT? But with zombies, they've pretty much stayed true to how they've always been described. Zombies don't sparkle, they can come out whenever the hell they want, and screw animal blood, they want human brains!!! And honestly, who do you think would win in a zombie vs vampire battle royal?? No, vampires don't have blood, but they've got some tasty brains for the zombies to devour. And yeah, the vampires are smarter and faster, but zombies are obviously the more superior monster, to me at least.
So there you have it, my top 5 reasons for loving zombies. I maybe could have thought of more, but that could have taken a while. Making that list took a lot longer than you'd think. Most of the time I sat staring at the computer screen mouth breathing a little. =) But I got it done. If you're a zombie lover like me, or you at least think they're cool, hopefully you could relate to some of the reasons why I effin love zombies so much! Thanks for wasting your time with me! And while you're here, how about you go waste some of your time with Zane too!! And as always, check back tomorrow for new stuff here at Dead End Horror.
Coming at you live and direct once again from the seven six one oh seven, it’s the man of the hour himself, Zombie ‘Fat Boy’ Zane. What’s good horror fans that stay out all night chasing zombies and drinking hot beer. Now before I get into todays post, I wanna take a second a jump up on my soapbox. So if you can just be patient, we’ll get to the boobs, blood, and whatnot in just a sec. Or you can skip ahead. Whatever.
Ok, so you know how there’s been like three earthquakes in two days right? Anyway, this old retarded guy by the name of Pat Robertson says that gays are the reason for earthquakes, tornados, and bombs. Are you fucking for real?? I mean everyone knows that it’s the aliens that are responsible for all these natural disasters and whatnot. This guy is a total fuck-tard! His statements have to be some of the dumbest shit that I’ve ever heard. Old ass man, shut the fuck up. Could somebody please give him a dick to shove in his mouth so that he’ll quit talking. And don’t get me started on the people that follow this guy and believe his nonsense. They can suck it too. Bunch of fuckin uneducated simpletons. So here’s a big FUCK OFF to Pat Robertson and his diluted thinking.
Wow, that was a rant huh? Sorry. But I gotta tell ya, I can’t tell ya that I cannot tolerate ignorance. So if you’re still with me, how about we do what we do and get into some horror. Have any of you guys seen the movie, “Hatchet?” I know it’s a few years old, but this movie is one of my all time favorites in the slasher movie genre.
Anyway, “Hatchet” is a 2006 slasher film from Ariescope Pictures written and directed by Adam Green. The film was originally given an NC-17 rating, but after a few minor cuts here and there, the MPAA gave it an R rating for ‘strong bloody horror, violence, sexual content, nudity, and language.’ Hell to the yeah!!! The recipe for a perfect slasher film, right? My thoughts exactly. Let’s get to the plot, yes.
“Hatchet” is set in the swamp lands of Louisiana (which I find cool because I’m from the south and dig the shit out of Louisiana) So basically the movie is about a group of tourists who learn that the legend of Victor Crowley is real and he is in fact one bad-ass motherfucker. This movie is kinda like “Friday the 13th” in the swamp. Ya know, deformed retard hunts and kills a group of twenty-somethings. But after all, it’s a slasher film, what more do you want? Yes, the plot is simple and somewhat predictable, but this is still worth watching. Especially if you’re a fan of slasher movies.
Another cool thing I liked about his movie was that Robert Englund and Tony Todd were in it. And if you don’t know these two guys, then you suck. Really suck. Just kidding. Robert Englund obviously was Freddy Krueger in the NOES series and Tony Todd is the dude that played in the Candyman movies. So see, some pretty cool actors are in this film. Really, the other cast members weren’t that bad either, I just didn’t recognize the names so I ain’t gonna type them all out. You can IMDB this movie if you wanna know the full ensemble of actors. (See, I used ensemble, that’s a big boy word! I don’t always cuss like a sailor.)
Sasha's Lover
So, wanna see some boobs and blood? Me too! Let's do some boobs first!
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All right pervs, no more boobs for now, let's get to some gore....
That should satisfy all of your blood/boob needs. If not, I don't know what to tell ya. Go find some porn or something. Anywho, speaking of boobs and blood, go by and see the busty Sasha Slaughter, she's got plenty of both. Until tomorrow horror fans, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!
If the house is rockin, don't come knockin!! OWWW!!! Well, my house was rocking earlier, and it wasn't because of you're thinkin =) That's right, we felt a little of the shake from the quake....yikes! Anyway, let's get down to it! Today I'll be reviewing Night of the Living Dead...old school right!!?? Well, I've never seen the whole thing, so I decided what the hell, it's got zombies and as you all know, I loves me some brain eatin zombies!! It came out in 1985 and was directed by Dan O' Bannon.
In this horror/comedy two employees from a medical supply company unknowingly release several zombies from cylinders that they've been trapped in for years. It causes local citizens to deal with a large scale zombie epidemic. Frank is showing new employee Freddy the ropes when he mentions that there are bodies in basement that have been there for fourteen years. He tells him that they came from the Army when a chemical seeped into the morgue and brought the dead back to life. The Army attempted to get rid of the problem and accidently shipped the contaminated soil and dead bodies to the medical supply company.
They go into the basement and look at the cylinders. Frank taps on one of them to assure Freddy that they are sturdy and when he does, it breaks causing a chemical gas to be released into the basement and out of the warehouse. The gas causes Freddy and Frank to pass out and when they come to they are both starting to feel sick. They come out of the basement and hear strange noises coming from the warehouse. They go to find that the stuffed dogs they sell to veterinarian school have come to life and then they hear screaming coming from where they keep dead bodies.
A colonel from the Army is talking to his wife about finding the missing bodies. He tells her he can't rest until they are found and that they could be anywhere. While Freddy and Frank try to figure out what the noises are, his friends are waiting in the graveyard for him to get off of work. They all want to party but don't have anywhere to go so they take a radio to the graveyard and hang out. (And then comes the part with the creepy red head named "Trash" dancing naked on a grave...I guess that's supposed to iconic or something??). Anyway, Frank decides to call his boss Burt and tell him what happened.
When Burt arrives Frank explains what happened. They tell him about the screams coming from where the dead bodies are kept. They come up with a plan to kill the cadaver and then destroy the evidence. Frank opens the door and the cadaver runs out headed straight for Burt. They catch it and bury a pick axe into it's brain but it wont die. So Burt decides to chop it up in pieces. He tells Frank and Freddy that he has a friend that runs a mortuary and he's going to ask him to help them. Burt goes to the morgue and asks his friend Ernie (Haha...Burt and Ernie!) for help. At first he tells him there are rabid weasels in the bag and they need to destroy them. But when Burt says he'll take them outside and shoot them Burt finally tells him what's actually in the bag. He shows Ernie the body parts and Ernie agrees to help him by burning the parts in the incinerator.
As the body is being burned the chemical gas is released into the air and then it starts to rain. Freddy's friends are in the graveyard when the rain starts and they run to their car yelling that the rain is burning their skin. As the rain soaks into the ground, it begins to bring corpses back to life. Tina goes to the medical warehouse to look for Freddy and she goes into the basement. One of the things from the cylinders attacks her yelling that it wants her brains. Her friends come and rescue her and they all leave the warehouse and run back into the graveyard. Trash gets attacked by zombies (Thankfully, I was tired of seeing that bitch naked) and the rest of her friends escape. Three of them manage to make it to the mortuary when Ernie calls 911 and asks for paramedics to come because there are two men that are poisoned.
The EMT's show up and can't get a pulse or blood pressure Frank or Freddy. They say that their body temperature is 70 degrees and that it's not normal. The EMT's go to get stretchers when they are attacked by zombies. Freddy's friends make it to the mortuary and tell Burt that there are bodies all over the place and that they're killing people. They begin boarding up the mortuary to keep the zombies out. When questioned about what's wrong with Frank and Freddy, Burt finally admits that a chemical was released when Frank and Freddy were messing with the cylinders in the basement. He tells them that the chemical gas escaped and they both breathed it in and it's causing them to get sick.
Frank and Freddy complain of stiffness and pain and Ernie checks them and says that they are starting to exhibit signs of rigor mortis and that they are dying. Just then zombies break into the mortuary and kill one of Freddy's friends. Ernie grabs the zombie and straps it to a table in the embalming room. It starts talking and tells him that they want to eat their brains because it takes the pain of being dead away. They decide to lock Freddy and Frank in the chapel incase they turn into zombies. Tina insists on being locked in the room with Freddy. Shortly after they are locked in, Freddy turns into a zombie and tries to attack Tina. Ernie comes into the room and grabs her and they try and board the doors shut. Right before Frank turns into a zombie he puts himself in the incinerator to die.
Burt and Spider go outside and get in a cop car to try and get help. They end up at the warehouse and call the cops. The cops set up a barricade to try and stop whatever was happening but the zombies break through and start killing all of the cops. Back at the mortuary, only Ernie and Tina are left so they block themselves into the attic to keep from being killed. Burt finally realizes that no one is coming to help so he calls the number on the cylinders in the basement. He gets patched through to Colonel Glover and explains to him what's happening. Colonel Glover calls the General and tells him that they've found the cylinders in Louisville, KY but they have been opened. Burt is told that the Army had a plan in place to deal with the cylinders incase they were to be opened. The Army then lines up a missle and....
BOOOM!! What?? Idk, watch and see what happens dammit! Now, let's see what I thought shall we?? Ehh.. I gotta say, it's super cheesy. The acting is wayyyy over the top and the characters in the movie definitely look 80's! Too funny. I guess because I'm "new school" I'm not really used to seeing old stuff like that. That movie is older than me! I think overall I'd give it a 2.5 out of 5. I love zombies and everything, but this movie was one giant cheese doodle man! I know it was made in the 80's and everything, but yeesh! I will admit that the special effects were kinda cool. That zombie thing from they cylinder was creepy, except for the face. That made me laugh. It's eyes were all funny looking. Didn't really match the body, you know what I'm saying??
And the zombie skeleton writhing on the table bitching about wanting to eat brains was pretty cool too. I must say though, that red haired girl was kind of annoying. Not only was her acting bad, I was tired of seeing her naked. JEEZ! She was naked for practically the whole movie. I was tired of seeing her boobs, butt and vadge!! GROSS! There was a good amount of blood and brain matter, which was great and the zombies looked kinda creepy. It was all good except for that naked red haired bitch. For real! Now you know my thoughts, how about you go on and see what Zane is thinking?? Thanks for stopping by! We appreciate it mucho!
Yo! Yo! Yo! Coming at ya live and direct from the motherfuckin seven six one oh seven. What’s good horror fans that sit up late at night and drink blood while doing your laundry. Well the weekend is over and I guess that means I gotta get back to work. Boo! Anyway, since today’s post is gonna be a bit longer, I’m gonna skip the foreplay and get right to it. So grab some KY and let’s go.
What I got for ya today, is a kinda a comparison type of article. What I’m gonna be doing is comparing two films. One is a remake and the other is the original. One was made here in the USA, the other is of the Swedish persuasion. I’m talking about, “Let Me In,” and “Let the Right One In.”
Ok, now as a general rule, most of the foreign horror films that are remade over here are pieces of shit compared to the original. But then again, aren’t most remakes pieces of shit? A few examples...”REC” is a 2007 Spanish horror film that kicked some serious ass! But the remake, 2008's “Quarantine,” eh, not so good. I know that everybody remembers, “The Ring.” But did you guys see the Japanese version directed by Hideo Nakata? Nakata’s film was WAY better! As I’ve come to learn, foreign horror movies are just better. Bottom line, foreign horror films kick our ass. And such is the case between “Let Me In” and “Let the Right One In.”
Now let’s get to the tale of the tape...
“Let Me In” (2010) U.S.A. (vs) “Let the Right One In” (2008) Sweden
Directed by: Matt Reeves Directed by: Tomas Alfredson
116 mins. 114 mins.
Netflix Instant Watch Netflix Instant Watch
My Score: 2.5 out of 5 My Score: 4.75 out of 5
As you can see, I ranked “Let the Right One In” like two and a quarter points higher. And I’m a professional so...Anyway, the plot for both films are the same. They both revolve around a bullied young boy who befriends a ‘young’ vampire. They both take place in the 1980's and they both have that romantic dynamic between the boy and the vampire. Basically the remake sticks to the original. Almost too much. It was shot pretty much scene for scene and for that it loses some points. If you’re gonna remake something, fuckin’ put your own twist on it. Don’t give me some regurgitated shit. C’mon boss. I would’ve really liked to see another director take a shot at remaking this film. Like Rob Zombie maybe. He would’ve done it better.
I also thought that in the Swedish version, the love dynamic between vampire and boy was portrayed a bit better. It was a bit more moving for me. The expressions of the actors, the way they acted with one another, I just thought that the kids in the foreign film did a better job. Plus, in the foreign film, they did a better job of explaining the whole ...”What if I’m not a girl” line. In the American version, we are led to believe that when Abby says that line she is referring to her being a vampire rather than a little girl. But in the foreign version, they actually show you what she means by that line. Now I won’t spoil it for those that haven’t seen it, but trust me, it does make a difference. It was a total jaw dropping moment. I was actually like, “Whoaaa.” And believe me, I don’t drop jaw that often.
Now as far as the score goes, both films did a good job with that. I thought the score was awesome for both. Both used some beautiful music. But I’d have to give the edge to the foreign version. On second thought, it was kinda neat to hear some 80's tunes in the American version. So I guess all in all, I’ll go ahead and give the score/soundtrack part a tie between the two movies.
I also thought that some of the bullying scenes were a little bit harsher in the USA version. The whole atomic wedgie/pants pissing scene was pretty rough. Poor Owen. Now don’t get me wrong, the bullying scenes in the foreign film were good too, but the American version did a little bit better job in some instances.
I guess the best way I can convey my point is this. The original version of the film is like hearing a song by Elvis, or by whatever band you think is awesome. And the USA remake is kinda like hearing that same song by another band that is just okay. I mean both songs are good, but one is obviously far superior than the other one. So my advise, for what it’s worth, I would watch the 2008 Swedish version first. And then watch the made in the USA one. I mean that’s how I did it and I’m damn glad I saw the original first. In fact, the original one is like one of the best vampire movies I’ve ever seen. And brother, (or sister) I’ve seen a lot.
Well, there ya have it. That's about all I got for today, but before I get outta here, I do have like one quick nude scene to show you guys. That and a couple of other pics that I thought may add to your viewing pleasure. I also have included the two trailers, so after you peep out the pics, watch the videos, yes?
Bit o' Boob
Bit more Boob (Sasha Barrese "Let Me In"
Bed is a burning!
FACED!!
Okay, for real, that's all there is and there ain't no more. Be sure and check out Sasha's stuff as well. She's always got something good going on. So until tomorrow horror fans. Take care, stay a-scared, and I am out!
Hey hey hey!! Sasha Slaughter here with you for another mind blowing week of pure talent and awesomeness...can you handle it?? =) This is the last week of random hodgepodge stuff (Boo! After this Zane gets to boss me!) and I'll be reviewing Masters of Horror episode 9: The Fair Haired Child. It was written by Mick Garris and directed by William Malone (Who happened to direct Feardotcom and House on Haunted Hill).
Young loner Tara is on her way home from a day of being tortured at school when she notices a van following her. While riding her bike through the woods she feels like someone is following her and just then a van runs into her. A man (Anton) emerges from the van, drugs Tara and tosses her in the back. Tara wakes up hours later, her mind hazy and a little confused. She sees a woman (Judith) sitting in the room with her. The woman says that she is a nurse and that Tara was found on the side of the road drugged. She then tells her that she is in Vermont and Tara starts freaking out and telling her that she's from Connecticut and doesn't understand what she's doing there.
Tara tells her she needs to call her mom and the woman says it's OK. Tara reaches her mom but her mom is too wasted to help. When Tara realizes the woman calling her by her name without telling her what it was, she freaks out and tries to leave. She yells out the window for help and notices she isn't in a hospital, but she's in someones home. The man from the van runs into Tara and grabs and he and his wife throw her into the basement. Tara hears noises in the basement and sees a teenage boy trying to hang himself. Tara helps him and gets the rope off of his neck. She quickly understands that he can't speak so he writes her messages in the dust of the basement floor. They begin looking for a way out when they see the words "Get out before it wakes up" scratched into a cabinet.
They then see a door with the words "Beware the fair haired child" carved into it. They open door and find a room full of backpacks from other children who had been kidnapped, a bathtub stained with blood and a cabinet full of skulls. Meanwhile, Judith and Anton are outside digging up a grave and taking body parts from a bag and putting them into a barrel of acid. (Idk how that's relevant to the story...whatever!) They are both having flashbacks of the drowning death of their fifteen year old son and the ritual they performed to have him brought back to life.
Back in the basement Johnny starts spazzing and writes "It's coming" in the dust on floor and then collapses. Tara screams that they killed him when his body starts convulsing and this creepy looking thing crawls out of Johnny's body. It begins chasing Tara and eventually finds her hiding in a furnace. She narrowly escapes the thing and gets away from it before it can harm her. Judith hears the commotion in the basement and says "Do what you have to do....so you can come back to me". Johnny wakes up and tries giving clues to Tara so she can figure out whats going on. She figures out that Johnny is actually Judith and Anton's son Jonathan and that they are trying to bring him back to life. He helps her figure out that they made a deal with a demon to kill twelve children every year on his birthday. He reveals to her that she is the last child they need to kill in order for him to come back to life.
He writes "Please forgive me" on the wall in chalk when the room goes black and the screaming starts. Jonathan turns into the creepy thing and starts eating Tara's insides. His parents go down into the basement and find Jonathan all bloody with a note written by Tara in her own blood reading "I forgive you Johnny". They realize that he's OK and back to normal. Later that night he is sitting alone quietly when his parents ask him what he's doing. He replies that he is waiting for something. He gets up and tells them that he was always jealous of their musical abilities and that he realized he has a talent of his own. The talent for bargaining. His mother begins to ask him what he's done and then....
What exactly did little Johnny bargain for?? Guess you'll have to watch Fair Haired Child and see for yourself. Now onto what I thought!! Ya know, I actually kinda liked it! The plot was really good and so was the acting. There wasn't a whole lot of violence or anything, but it got the point across without needing any of that. There was a bit of blood but none of the three B's (Sorry pervs!!!). Overall I'd give Fair Haired Child a 3 out of a possible 5. I KNOW!! I enjoyed watching it and the ending surprised the hell outta me! And that little creepy thing crawling outta Johnny with it's jerky movements and it's glowing night vision eyes....YOWZA!! That was creepy with a capital C ya'll!!! It gave me the wiggins for sure! So, that's all you need to hear from me. Don't forget to check out what Zane's got in store for the last week of random stuff month. I'm almost certain it just might contain some nudity...or more corpses...who knows! So stop by and see!!
