Ok, so you know how there’s been like three earthquakes in two days right? Anyway, this old retarded guy by the name of Pat Robertson says that gays are the reason for earthquakes, tornados, and bombs. Are you fucking for real?? I mean everyone knows that it’s the aliens that are responsible for all these natural disasters and whatnot. This guy is a total fuck-tard! His statements have to be some of the dumbest shit that I’ve ever heard. Old ass man, shut the fuck up. Could somebody please give him a dick to shove in his mouth so that he’ll quit talking. And don’t get me started on the people that follow this guy and believe his nonsense. They can suck it too. Bunch of fuckin uneducated simpletons. So here’s a big FUCK OFF to Pat Robertson and his diluted thinking.
Wow, that was a rant huh? Sorry. But I gotta tell ya, I can’t tell ya that I cannot tolerate ignorance. So if you’re still with me, how about we do what we do and get into some horror. Have any of you guys seen the movie, “Hatchet?” I know it’s a few years old, but this movie is one of my all time favorites in the slasher movie genre.
Anyway, “Hatchet” is a 2006 slasher film from Ariescope Pictures written and directed by Adam Green. The film was originally given an NC-17 rating, but after a few minor cuts here and there, the MPAA gave it an R rating for ‘strong bloody horror, violence, sexual content, nudity, and language.’ Hell to the yeah!!! The recipe for a perfect slasher film, right? My thoughts exactly. Let’s get to the plot, yes.
“Hatchet” is set in the swamp lands of Louisiana (which I find cool because I’m from the south and dig the shit out of Louisiana) So basically the movie is about a group of tourists who learn that the legend of Victor Crowley is real and he is in fact one bad-ass motherfucker. This movie is kinda like “Friday the 13th” in the swamp. Ya know, deformed retard hunts and kills a group of twenty-somethings. But after all, it’s a slasher film, what more do you want? Yes, the plot is simple and somewhat predictable, but this is still worth watching. Especially if you’re a fan of slasher movies.Another cool thing I liked about his movie was that Robert Englund and Tony Todd were in it. And if you don’t know these two guys, then you suck. Really suck. Just kidding. Robert Englund obviously was Freddy Krueger in the NOES series and Tony Todd is the dude that played in the Candyman movies. So see, some pretty cool actors are in this film. Really, the other cast members weren’t that bad either, I just didn’t recognize the names so I ain’t gonna type them all out. You can IMDB this movie if you wanna know the full ensemble of actors. (See, I used ensemble, that’s a big boy word! I don’t always cuss like a sailor.)
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| Sasha's Lover |
So, wanna see some boobs and blood? Me too! Let's do some boobs first!
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All right pervs, no more boobs for now, let's get to some gore....
That should satisfy all of your blood/boob needs. If not, I don't know what to tell ya. Go find some porn or something. Anywho, speaking of boobs and blood, go by and see the busty Sasha Slaughter, she's got plenty of both. Until tomorrow horror fans, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!
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| ZOMBIE ZANE |
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