That's Not Fucking Funny By: Zombie Zane

Wack-a-do, wack-a-do! What’s new? What’s good Dead End Horror fans that sleep with sheep? Anyway, this is not my normal posting day, our schedule is all fucked up this week due to us taking Monday off. But we’ll be back on schedule next week.

So since this isn’t my usual day, I thought that I would post something out of the norm. I stumbled across some pretty funny zombie jokes and thought I’d share a few of them with you. Sounds like a fuckin’ laugh riot, yes? I thought so.   

Okay, no more rambling. What do you say we cut the foreplay and get to the jokes, yes? Without further ado, here are five fucking funny zombie jokes:

Q: “What’s cuter than a zombie baby?”

A: “A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth.”

How cute! If that were my child I’d be posting that shit all over facebook! Wonder who many ‘Like’ hits I’d receive.

Q: “Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?”

A: “No! They eat the fingers separately."

Okay, that was a little lame. It did give me a chuckle though. Let’s see if I can’t turn up the heat on the next couple.

Q: “What’s blue, covered with frost, and sits next to a turkey?”

A: “ A zombie baby in the freezer!”

Ba-boom-crash! I’m not sure why the zombie baby is in the freezer. Like I get the joke and all but why the fuck is it in the freezer? Maybe someone locked it in there. Whatever.

Q: “What did the zombie do after it’s teeth were pulled out?”

A: “ It ate the dentist.”

Man, I really don’t get that one either. Why the hell would a zombie be at the dentist’s office any damn way? Okay, I know these are a little on the bad side, I’ll try and find better jokes the next time. Let’s do one more.

Q: “What do you call a zombie in a tux?”

A: “Black and white and dead all over.”

Okay, okay that’s it. No more jokes. If I didn’t have shit to do today I’d probably rethink this post. But, alas, I am a busy guy so I’m gonna post this anyway. Go by and read some of Sasha’s shit. It’s surely better than this post. Until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out.

Zombie Jokes

The Bitch is Crazy! By: Sasha Slaughter

Well hi there creepers! I see you're still obsessed with sexual organ mutilation. Get a hobby weirdos!! =) But we do appreciate the views, so keep them coming! Anyway, Sasha Slaughter here with you and since there is no real theme, I'm gonna hit you with something random again. I was browsing Netflix and I found a movie called Slaughter that I thought sounded interesting. Slaughter was written and directed by Stewart Hopewell. It was part of the third After Dark Horrorfest and is said to be inspired by true events. The original title of the film was Faithless, but soon was changed to Slaughter. The film received mostly negative reviews, often being called boring. So let me tell you about it huh???

Faith is a young woman who is trapped in a relationship with her abusive boyfriend Jimmy. She finally has the courage to leave him and goes to Atlanta to start a new life. That's where she meets Lola in a bar. The two immediately hit it off and become close friends. Shortly after, Jimmy calls Faith at her new apartment, and Faith decides to ask Lola if she can stay with her. Lola accepts and Faith moves in with Lola on her family's farm where she lives with her two brothers and her controlling father. By day the girls do chores around the farm, and by night the girls go out and party at Atlanta. Faith notices that Lola brings home a different man every night. Eventually she also notices that the men seem to completely disappear after spending the night with Lola. Faith begins seeing strange things around the farm, and soon suspects that Lola's father is murdering the men in the farm's slaughterhouse. But unfortunately for Faith, she missed a few clues along the way that could mean life or death for her.

Bitch is crazy! I won't give it away, but yeeesh! Someone has some daddy issues. The movie was ok...nothing much happened the first like....hour. It was kind of boring. The end was decent, kind of suspenseful. There was some blood, death by shotgun, teeth being pulled out, and a hanging. It could have been better. The plot line has some potential, but it was totally wasted. The acting was ok, but the actors were totally overpowered by the music that was played during certain scenes. The whole idea of the movie was an identity switch, that's all well and good except DNA does wonders nowadays, and so does fingerprinting. I'm wondering if the director even thought about that?? You'll see what I mean. The chick has some serious issues, it's implied that she was molested as a child and takes her anger out on other men because of it.

Overall I'd give Slaughter a 2 out of 5. It could have been a really great film, but it seemed kinda rushed and a bit slow in the beginning. And what really agitated me was that Faith had the balls to get away from her abusive boyfriend, but was weak when it came to fighting off another female while trying to stay alive. STUPID!! 

 Ohh and before I forget, in the movie people were mean to poor little piggies!! They showed them being slaughtered (which obviously is fake) but it made me sad =(. Yeah, that was pretty random. Anyway, I don't really think I'd watch this again, just too many holes in the plot to be a good movie. 

Maybe with a little more time spent on it and more plot development, it could have been better. And hey since you're spying on me, don't forget to see what Zane has going on!! You'll be glad you did. Thanks for stopping by DEH!!

Hillbilly Hell By: Sasha Slaughter

Ohh well hello there DEH freaks! Sasha Slaughter here with you...did you miss us? If you didn't notice, Zane and I took the day off on Monday. Let's just say that our Super Bowl celebration got a little out of hand. =) 

Anyway, this week there isn't really a theme, so we'll just be throwing some random stuff at you, is that ok? Awesome! Today I'll be telling you about a film called Savage County (Brought to you by MTV). Savage County came out in 2010. It was written by David Harris and Daniel Alvarado and directed by David Harris. It is said to be similar to The Hills have Eyes and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so I guess we'll see. Let me tell you a little about it.

High School friends Izzy, Noah, Mike, Megan, Patrick, Angie, and Colby decide to find a new place to party, and Mike leads them dangerously close to the Hardell place. After complaining of being bored, Mike tells them about the dilapidated estate on the outskirts of town. No one believes that the Hardell's are really crazy, but Mike convinces the others to go the house. Patrick, the youngest and the most cowardly, accepts the dare to knock on the door of the Hardell's and run. 

But they get more than they expected when the eldest member of the Hardell clan bursts through the door with his double barrel- blazing. Panicked, Patrick's friend Noah races to his rescue and bludgeons the man with a shovel, killing him instantly. Soon after, they hear a car approaching and flee the scene. Upon discovering the family patriarch dead, face down in the grass and covered in blood, the rest of the Hardell clan vows to seek vengeance on every one of the kids involved, and ensure that each of them dies a slow and painful death.

Crazy hillbilly's! I don't wanna be their friend. This was actually a pretty decent hillbilly slasher flick. I did see some similarities between this movie and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You know, a bunch of crazies living in an isolated shack, a shady police force, a leather face villain and a few strange sidekicks. This movie had it all. And of course had a few kids that inadvertently got on the hillbilly's bad side. 

OOPS! It was a total B slasher brought to you by MTV, but it was pretty good. There were a few awesome death scenes involving knives, guns, and the blade of a lawn mower. 

The hillbilly dudes videotaped all of the murders they committed and watched them later, and used them to torture the others, which was pretty cool. The acting was good, but the homicidal hillbillies is what did it for me. They were all so weird and creepy...Ughh!! Overall I'd give Savage County a 3 out of 5. There was plenty of blood, lots of death, and a vat of acid...whats not to like? 

I'd recommend this if you are into B movies and hillbilly slashers for sure. I would definitely watch this again. While you're here, don't forget to pay Zane a visit and see what he's got going on. Thanks for stopping by!!!!

Secret Thoughts Lead to Bathroom Sex By: Zombie Zane

Bop-bop-bop-and fap-fap-fap! What’s new Dead End Horror fans? In case you haven’t noticed, this post is coming out a day late. Due to the Super Bowl and the Super Bowl festivities, Sasha and I decided to take yesterday off. I too elated with my New York Giants to even think about work.

So it’s now Tuesday and it’s back to the regular grind. Anyway, this week at DEH we’re just gonna do some random type shit. No real topic, just random horror whatever. Is that okay with you? No!? Too motherfucking bad! Our blog, our rules. But don’t worry, you’ll dig our shit. You always do. 

As far as digging our shit, Sasha will be doing a couple movie reviews, and maybe some dark poetry. She’s a damn good poet in case you didn’t know that. Me, I couldn’t write poetry to save my cock. Thank god that proposition hasn’t came about yet.

Anyway, as far as what I got going on for the week, not quite sure yet. Still mulling over what to do. But as usual, I’m a professional so you know it’ll be fuckin great. I may tell some nasty jokes, I was gonna do that last week but...And I got a couple of new horror movies I may wanna review. I guess you’ll just have to come back every day so you can find out. 

Well, I guess that’s about it for the day. I think I’ve covered everything that needs to be covered. Be sure and check back everyday so you can be up to date with our posts. Until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out. Later taters!