TOP 5 REASONS WHY I LOVE ZOMBIES By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!! Hey there!! Sasha Slaughter here with you for the final time this week and for the final day of random stuff month. Since I reviewed a zombie movie yesterday, I figured why not stay with the zombie theme. So, I'm going to list the top 5 reasons why I love zombies. I guess that kinda explains the whole "BRAINS" opening a little better huh?? I've always been fascinated by zombies, ever since I was a teenager and saw "Night of the Living Dead" (The original) for the first time. After that I was hooked. I don't know what their appeal is to me, but zombies are hands down my favorite monster. RAWR!!! So kick back and enjoy top 5 reasons why I love zombies!!!                    
                                                                               

5.) They fuck shit up. They cause chaos, panic, and disorder. Think about it, in most movies when a zombie apocalypse happens, the whole entire world seemingly shuts down. People leave, they kill themselves out of fear, they end up becoming the very thing they are afraid of or they man the hell up and try to survive. In almost every zombie movie I've ever seen, entire populations are wiped out or they flee somewhere else to get away from the zombies. With all of the chaos and death happening, would you be able to survive a zombie apocalypse? Would you be able to stay calm and get out alive or would you fall victim to the zombies?? I myself don’t do so well with chaos or panic, I'd probably never make it out alive. So I'm really hoping I never have to live through a zombie invasion. Because my pasty white Yankee ass would perish...quickly.                                  
                                                                        

4). All they wanna do is eat your brains..or whatever else they can sink their rotting teeth into. They don't care who you are, where you live, or if they knew you before they died and then became undead. All they wanna do is eat you. They'll munch on your flesh, slurp up your brains and occasionally eat your intestines like spaghetti. Zombies are bad mamma jammas.
 
3.) I find humor in zombies. The whole concept of being undead and being ravenous for brains is funny to me. You gotta admit, sometimes the zombies in movies do some pretty funny shit. It's especially funny when they make noises. You know, the standard zombie moaning noises. It always cracks me up when they do that. There's just a quality about them that never ceases to amuse me. They could be coming for my brains, and if they make funny noises while doing so, yeah, I'm gonna laugh.

    
 

2.) They can be killed....but only by destroying their brains or decapitating them. No stakes in the heart or strings of garlic will keep these flesh hungry stalkers down. You gotta go straight for the thinker if you wanna survive the zombie invasion. Get your guns or axes, whatever you can use to split a zombies head open with. That's your only guaranteed way to survive the undead.

1.) Zombies aren't vampires. I'm not crazy about vampires, but I don't hate them either. OK, I'll admit, I'm kind of obsessed with Twilight (I'm a chick, whattya want from me??). But like the movie said, vampires do kind of suck. Especially the new ones. They only drink from animals, they can come out in the daylight and to top it all off, they sparkle in the sun!!! WHAT? But with zombies, they've pretty much stayed true to how they've always been described. Zombies don't sparkle, they can come out whenever the hell they want, and screw animal blood, they want human brains!!! And honestly, who do you think would win in a zombie vs vampire battle royal?? No, vampires don't have blood, but they've got some tasty brains for the zombies to devour. And yeah, the vampires are smarter and faster, but zombies are obviously the more superior monster, to me at least.                      
                                                 
So there you have it, my top 5 reasons for loving zombies. I maybe could have thought of more, but that could have taken a while. Making that list took a lot longer than you'd think. Most of the time I sat staring at the computer screen mouth breathing a little. =) But I got it done. If you're a zombie lover like me, or you at least think they're cool, hopefully you could relate to some of the reasons why I effin love zombies so much! Thanks for wasting your time with me! And while you're here, how about you go waste some of your time with Zane too!! And as always, check back tomorrow for new stuff here at Dead End Horror. 
                                                                                   

Sasha Slaughter

    




                                                                             

BRAIN EATING ZOMBIES AND A NAKED GRAVE DANCIN CHICK!!! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

If the house is rockin, don't come knockin!! OWWW!!! Well, my house was rocking earlier, and it wasn't because of you're thinkin =) That's right, we felt a little of the shake from the quake....yikes! Anyway, let's get down to it! Today I'll be reviewing Night of the Living Dead...old school right!!?? Well, I've never seen the whole thing, so I decided what the hell, it's got zombies and as you all know, I loves me some brain eatin zombies!! It came out in 1985 and was directed by Dan O' Bannon.

In this horror/comedy two employees from a medical supply company unknowingly release several zombies from cylinders that they've been trapped in for years. It causes local citizens to deal with a large scale zombie epidemic. Frank is showing new employee Freddy the ropes when he mentions that there are bodies in basement that have been there for fourteen years. He tells him that they came from the Army when a chemical seeped into the morgue and brought the dead back to life. The Army attempted to get rid of the problem and accidently shipped the contaminated soil and dead bodies to the medical supply company.

They go into the basement and look at the cylinders. Frank taps on one of them to assure Freddy that they are sturdy and when he does, it breaks causing a chemical gas to be released into the basement and out of the warehouse. The gas causes Freddy and Frank to pass out and when they come to they are both starting to feel sick. They come out of the basement and hear strange noises coming from the warehouse. They go to find that the stuffed dogs they sell to veterinarian school have come to life and then they hear screaming coming from where they keep dead bodies.

A colonel from the Army is talking to his wife about finding the missing bodies. He tells her he can't rest until they are found and that they could be anywhere. While Freddy and Frank try to figure out what the noises are, his friends are waiting in the graveyard for him to get off of work. They all want to party but don't have anywhere to go so they take a radio to the graveyard and hang out. (And then comes the part with the creepy red head named "Trash" dancing naked on a grave...I guess that's supposed to iconic or something??). Anyway, Frank decides to call his boss Burt and tell him what happened.                                          

When Burt arrives Frank explains what happened. They tell him about the screams coming from where the dead bodies are kept. They come up with a plan to kill the cadaver and then destroy the evidence. Frank opens the door and the cadaver runs out headed straight for Burt. They catch it and bury a pick axe into it's brain but it wont die. So Burt decides to chop it up in pieces. He tells Frank and Freddy that he has a friend that runs a mortuary and he's going to ask him to help them. Burt goes to the morgue and asks his friend Ernie (Haha...Burt and Ernie!) for help. At first he tells him there are rabid weasels in the bag and they need to destroy them. But when Burt says he'll take them outside and shoot them Burt finally tells him what's actually in the bag. He shows Ernie the body parts and Ernie agrees to help him by burning the parts in the incinerator.

As the body is being burned the chemical gas is released into the air and then it starts to rain. Freddy's friends are in the graveyard when the rain starts and they run to their car yelling that the rain is burning their skin. As the rain soaks into the ground, it begins to bring corpses back to life. Tina goes to the medical warehouse to look for Freddy and she goes into the basement. One of the things from the cylinders attacks her yelling that it wants her brains. Her friends come and rescue her and they all leave the warehouse and run back into the graveyard. Trash gets attacked by zombies (Thankfully, I was tired of seeing that bitch naked) and the rest of her friends escape. Three of them manage to make it to the mortuary when Ernie calls 911 and asks for paramedics to come because there are two men that are poisoned.  

The EMT's show up and can't get a pulse or blood pressure Frank or Freddy. They say that their body temperature is 70 degrees and that it's not normal. The EMT's go to get stretchers when they are attacked by zombies. Freddy's friends make it to the mortuary and tell Burt that there are bodies all over the place and that they're killing people. They begin boarding up the mortuary to keep the zombies out. When questioned about what's wrong with Frank and Freddy, Burt finally admits that a chemical was released when Frank and Freddy were messing with the cylinders in the basement. He tells them that the chemical gas escaped and they both breathed it in and it's causing them to get sick.

Frank and Freddy complain of stiffness and pain and Ernie checks them and says that they are starting to exhibit signs of rigor mortis and that they are dying. Just then zombies break into the mortuary and kill one of Freddy's friends. Ernie grabs the zombie and straps it to a table in the embalming room. It starts talking and tells him that they want to eat their brains because it takes the pain of being dead away. They decide to lock Freddy and Frank in the chapel incase they turn into zombies. Tina insists on being locked in the room with Freddy. Shortly after they are locked in, Freddy turns into a zombie and tries to attack Tina. Ernie comes into the room and grabs her and they try and board the doors shut. Right before Frank turns into a zombie he puts himself in the incinerator to die.

Burt and Spider go outside and get in a cop car to try and get help. They end up at the warehouse and call the cops. The cops set up a barricade to try and stop whatever was happening but the zombies break through and start killing all of the cops. Back at the mortuary, only Ernie and Tina are left so they block themselves into the attic to keep from being killed. Burt finally realizes that no one is coming to help so he calls the number on the cylinders in the basement. He gets patched through to Colonel Glover and explains to him what's happening. Colonel Glover calls the General and tells him that they've found the cylinders in Louisville, KY but they have been opened. Burt is told that the Army had a plan in place to deal with the cylinders incase they were to be opened. The Army then lines up a missle and....

BOOOM!! What?? Idk, watch and see what happens dammit! Now, let's see what I thought shall we?? Ehh.. I gotta say, it's super cheesy. The acting is wayyyy over the top and the characters in the movie definitely look 80's! Too funny. I guess because I'm "new school" I'm not really used to seeing old stuff like that. That movie is older than me! I think overall I'd give it a 2.5 out of 5. I love zombies and everything, but this movie was one giant cheese doodle man! I know it was made in the 80's and everything, but yeesh! I will admit that the special effects were kinda cool. That zombie thing from they cylinder was creepy, except for the face. That made me laugh. It's eyes were all funny looking. Didn't really match the body, you know what I'm saying??

And the zombie skeleton writhing on the table bitching about wanting to eat brains was pretty cool too. I must say though, that red haired girl was kind of annoying. Not only was her acting bad, I was tired of seeing her naked. JEEZ! She was naked for practically the whole movie. I was tired of seeing her boobs, butt and vadge!! GROSS! There was a good amount of blood and brain matter, which was great and the zombies looked kinda creepy. It was all good except for that naked red haired bitch. For real! Now you know my thoughts, how about you go on and see what Zane is thinking?? Thanks for stopping by! We appreciate it mucho!

SASHA SLAUGHTER

...AND ACTION! By; ZOMBIE 'BIG BALLS' ZANE a.k.a 'FATS'

THE TRUE MASTER OF HORROR

YEPPA-YEPPA-YEPPA! Zombie Zane here once again from the seven six one oh seven! What’s poppin’ slime? Another day, another possible heat stroke. It’s so hot here I can hear trees calling the dogs over to piss on them. Anyway, how about for today’s post I run down ten of the best horror directors of all time? I mean let’s face it. If the director sucks the sac, then most likely the movie will too. And there are plenty of directors that suck the sac. Hey! I just had an idea! Maybe I could do a list of the top ten sac sucking directors of all time. But we’ll save that for another day. So, enough sac sucking, enough foreplay, let’s get to this weeks shit, yes.

THE TOP TEN HORROR MOVIE DIRECTORS OF ALL TIME

10. David Cronenberg - One of the founders of what is known as the ‘body horror’ genre. By that I mean bodily transformation and infection and shit like that. He’s done other films outside the horror genre, but I won’t go into all that. You can look him up if you want to know more. I’m not Wikipedia or Google. A couple of his horror films include, ‘The Fly’ (1986) and ‘Scanners’ (1981)

9. Dario Argento - An Italian film director, writer, and producer. He is best known for his work in the horror subgenre known as giallo. Giallo films are characterized by longer than average murder sequences, excessive blood, unique and stylish camera work, and weird ass musical arrangements. Some of his horror films include: ‘Suspiria’ (1977) and ‘Trauma’ (1993) He also directed ‘Jenifer’ and ‘Pelts’ which are two episodes from the ‘Masters of Horror’ Showtime-T.V. series.

8. Guillermo Del Toro - A Mexican director, producer, screenwriter, and designer. I just recently learned more about this dude this week (Thank you Tav!) And it turns out I’ve seen more of his movies than I realized. ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ (2006) and the ‘Hellboy’ franchise are a couple just to name a few.

7. Clive Barker - An English author, film director and a visual artist. He is best known for his work in the horror and fantasy genre. Now I’m not a huge fan of this guy, I honestly could give shit one about ‘Hellraiser.’ I know that I may get banged on for that, but whatever. But personal taste aside, this dude had to be on the list. I may not like his work, but I got respect for him. A couple of Barker directed films include: ‘Hellraiser’ (1987) and ‘Nightbreed’ (1990).

6. Sam Raimi- An American film director, producer, actor, and writer. He is best known for directing cult horror films and producing films such as ‘The Grudge’ and ‘The Grudge 2' and also the 2005 horror movie, ‘Boogeyman.’ He also directed the ‘Evil Dead’ series and the 2009 horror film, ‘Drag Me to Hell.’

5. George A. Romero - Everybody knows this guy. Or at least should. He’s an American film director, screenwriter, editor, and sometimes actor. One word comes to mind when Romero’s name comes up, and that word is zombie. Obviously everyone knows his 1968 classic ‘Night of the Living Dead’ which was the first of several zombie movies directed by Romero. He also directed ‘Dawn of the Dead’ (1978), ‘Day of the Dead’ (1985), ‘Land of the Dead’ (2005), ‘Diary of the Dead’ (2007) which is my personal fave and 2009's ‘Survival of the Dead.’ This guy is the zombie master.

4. Wes Craven- An American film director and writer. He is best known for creating the iconic character Freddy Krueger and for the ‘Scream’ series. He’s directed over 20 horror movies and has produced just as many. I like pretty much everything this guy does. How could you not. Some of his other works include: ‘The People Under the Stairs(1991), ‘Last House on the Left’ (1972) and ‘The Hills Have Eyes.’(1977)

3. John Carpenter - American film director, screenwriter, producer, editor, composer, and sometimes actor. Obviously known for 1978's ‘Halloween’ and 1982's ‘The Thing’ He also directed ‘The Fog’ (1980), ‘Christine’ (1983) and is currently working on ‘Fangland’ due out sometime in 2011.

2. Tobe Hooper - This guy could be numero uno on most people’s list. And I damn near put him there on mine. But as it is, he’s number two. Hooper is an American film director, and screenwriter best known for his work on ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and the Steven Spielberg produced, ‘Poltergeist.’ Other work includes, ‘Salem’s Lot’ (1979), ‘Lifeforce’ (1985) and ‘TCM 2' (1986)

1. Alfred Hitchcock - An English film maker and producer who founded many of the techniques used in today’s horror and suspense films. This guy started the whole enchilada. He directed the first slasher film, 1960's ‘Psycho.’ Which in turn spawned a prequel, a sequel, and a shitty-ass remake and a television series. His other works include such classics as ‘The Birds(1963), and ‘Vertigo’ (1958). Anyway, he may not be everyone’s overall number one, but he’s my pick. Really any of the top three could be moved around in any order, but I went old school.

Well, there you have it. Shit almighty that was a lot of writing!! There’s my list of the top ten horror directors of all time. So before you get outta here, be sure and check out Sasha’s stuff. If your lucky, she may show it to you again. So until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!                                                                                                                                 

ZOMBIE ZANE

                                              
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