COLDER THAN A WITCHES TIT BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that like to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy till the break of dawn, YEAH! What’s poppin’ slimes? Well, it’s Friday so that means it’s time for me to do what I do. And by that I mean educate you guys about some good horror. Speaking of good horror, did y’all catch the latest episode of ‘American Horror?’ Fucking A! What a series! That maid talking to that Armenian dude about thick cocks...Crazy! Then when she bit...OOPS! Better stop just in case you haven’t caught it yet.

Anyway, how about we talk about one of the horror movies I watched a couple of nights ago? Ya wanna? Ever seen, “The Thaw?” No? Oh shit! Ya gotta see this thing. Especially if bugs and parasites give you the wibbly-wobbles. So how about we cut the foreplay and get to today’s shit, yes?

“The Thaw” is a 2009 American horror/sci-fi film. It’s also one of the ‘Ghosthouse Underground’ movies. Just in case you were wondering. And just in case you weren’t. Anywho, it’s directed by Mark A. Lewis and it stars Val Kilmer and a bunch of people I’ve never heard of. It runs just about 90mins and sadly, it’s not on Netflix for instant watch. BOO! But if you have IFC, you may can find it on there. I’ve seen it on there a few times. Or you can always go out and get it. There are Best Buy’s and shit like that that sell dvd’s and whatnot.

Ok, how about we get to the plot and other shit?

THE PLOT AND OTHER SHIT

The plot breaks down like this: A global warming research team stumbles across this deadly parasite while doing some research in the Arctic about the effect global warming has on the icecaps. Once the parasite is released, YAMMA MAMMA! All shit breaks loose and the mayhem begins. Sounds good huh? 

I gotta tell ya, this movie made my fuckin’ skin crawl! Bugs and shit like that give me the crawlies. I was like tweeking out while I was watching this thing. Just the thought of something alien laying eggs in me and then hatching....YIKES!  

I really liked this film. Anything that makes you uncomfortable when you watch it (especially horror movies) is a must watch. I mean if you’re gonna do safe, then fucking watch ‘Twatlight’ or some shit. It’s all about getting freaked out, don’t you agree? So yeah, I really liked this film. Not all the Ghosthouse movies are good, but this is one of the better ones.

On that note, I give ‘The Thaw’ a solid 3.25 out of 5. There’s not much in the way of gore, I mean there is some, this dude cuts off his infected arm. And some of the sick people do some pretty gross shit, so there is a bit of an ich factor to it. No nudity though, sorry boob fans. But whatever. It’s still worth an hour and a half of your time. So if you wanna see flesh eating, egg laying alien parasites, give this a watch. You’ll like it.

Well, I guess that’s all the news that’s fit to print. It’s the weekend and I got shit to do. Like what? Drink beer and raise the dead of course! Anyway, until Monday, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and midget orgy grease!