GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHERFUCKER By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

What it is Ho's?? Ohh wait, I mean hey there fellow horror fans! =) It's almost Thanksgiving! Can you believe that? My oh my how time does fly! We all know what holiday comes this month...Thanksgiving! Yeah! The time of year when you stuff yourselves silly and go into a food coma. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, today I'll be talking about a little film called ThanksKilling. 

Thankskilling was released in 2009 and had a budget of just $4,000. It was written by Jordan Downey and Kevin Stewart and was directed by Jordan Downey. The film was shot in Downey's hometown of Licking County, Ohio. The film is basically about a foul mouthed homicidal turkey that's offing college kids. This should be fun! Let me tell you a little more about it.

The movie begins back in in the olden days in 1621, moments after the very first Thanksgiving. A topless pilgrim (I cannot figure out why the old wrinkly bitch with gross brown nipples was topless in the first place, but whatever works) running through the woods and then getting killed by a turkey (Who tells her she has nice boobs). Fast forward to the present and we meet Johnny, Allie, Kristen, Darren, and Billy, five college kids getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving break. 

In the woods, a hermit and his dog flashy are walking when flashy finds some sort of statue and pisses on it. The ground begins to shake and a turkey rises from the underground and kills the dog. Meanwhile, on their way home, Johnny's jeep breaks down along the road and the kids decide to spend the night in the woods and leave first thing in the morning.

As they are walking into the woods, Darren sees a sign that reads Crawberg. They set up camp and Darren mentions finding the sign and makes a big deal about it. When no one knows what it means, he tells them the story about an Indian who was betrayed by a pilgrim. He tells them that the Indian vowed to curse every white man there was so he necromanced a turkey and every 505 years the turkey comes to life and kills white people. In another part of the woods, the hermit finds his dog  dead, with the turkey standing over top of it with an axe. The turkey said there was an "axeident" (haha) and runs away. 

The kids don't believe Darren's story and when Kristen goes into the woods to call her father, she sees the turkey and runs back to camp to tell the others. No one believes her and they tell her to calm down. As they are sitting around the camp fire a rabbit (A stuffed one of course, and it looked so fake) flies through the air and into the fire. Everyone is starting to get scared so they all go to bed for the night. The following morning Billy wakes up to find the hermit standing over him telling him that the turkey was there and he saved Billy's life.

They pack up their things the following morning and Johnny takes everyone home. Once he gets home he greets his parents and is talking to his father outside when the turkey shows up and cuts his dads head off and then kills his mom. Johnny calls everyone and they meet at Billy's where he tells them that the turkey is real and it killed his parents. Meanwhile Allie is at home screwing some random guy when the turkey comes in and kills him and then starts doinking her. 

She realizes something is wrong and turns around to see the turkey behind her as he breaks her neck. Everyone rushes to Allie's house to warn her, but when they arrive Johnny finds her dead on her bed with a turkey feather and an extra small gravy flavored condom beside her (OMG!! Right?? That's fucking hilarious!) They agree to try and kill the turkey before it kills more of them. Darren says that there is a book that explains how to kill the turkey and Kristen offers to take them to her house and look through her dads book collection.

 The kids arrive a short time later and the turkey (whom Kristen thinks is her dad because the turkey is wearing her dad's face and his sheriff hat) greets them at the door. He let's them in the house and they begin looking for the book that will tell them how to kill the turkey. Darren finds the book and tells them that they have to burn the turkey at the stake and recite a demonic spell backwards in order to kill it. Billy starts bitching about being hungry and leaves. As he is wandering down the street he sees an imaginary turkey and eats it. Soon after his stomach explodes and the turkey comes out with a shot gun and says "FOWL PLAY!" (How funny is that?).

The kids realize Billy is missing and they eventually find him dying on the side of the road. They want to avenge the death of their loved ones, so they agree to find the turkey and kill him. One of the things they had to do to kill the turkey was find the talisman that's hidden in it's feathers and destroy it. They find the talisman and then get in Johnny's jeep to find the Tee-pee where the turkey is usually hiding. They find the tee-pee on the side of the road and make a plan to attack the turkey and tie him up. They go inside the tee-pee to find the turkey eating a salad (Really? Guess that turkey wasn't bad ass after all). They tie the turkey up and then...

And then?? If you're in the Thanksgiving mood, then give ThanksKilling a watch. Unless of course you aren't into ridiculous, campy, so bad there good B movies, then I don't recommend this at all. WOW!! I don't even know what to say other than LOL! I literally laughed out loud during this whole movie! The plot is horrible but it's hilarious at the same time. The acting was just bad..I mean...terrible! And the skanky chick with the black girl and her valley girl accent annoyed the piss out of me! 

Where did they find these people? Oh wait, I read somewhere that they found them on Craigslist. That explains alot. And what's with the topless pilgrim lady at the beginning? You know, she probably ought not to have been topless. Her boobs gave me the wiggins. And the turkey was soo cheesy looking! It was basically a rubber turkey demon puppet. It was just too funny. Ohh and the extra small gravy flavored condom?? Fucking genius. That really tickled my funny bone.

The dialogue and scripting was terrible. I think a three year old could have written something better. Although, I think that this movie was meant to be as ridiculous as it was. It is a B movie after all. The whole maniacal talking killer turkey thing was so stupid it was genius. I mean, you've got this rubbery homicidal turkey that's only shown close up spewing off these funny one liners while going around killing people. What's not to like? You obviously have to have a sense of humor to get through this whole movie, if you don't, it's best not to watch, you will not be amused. This movie was just over the top in all aspects. The acting, the dialogue, the plot...everything was just absolutely horrendous, but yet I enjoyed it.

This is just an entertaining, low budget B film and it makes no apologies for what it is. Some of you may need a beer or 12 and some friends to enjoy this movie, but I don't think Nana would appreciate it. Overall I'd give ThanksKilling a 4 out of 5. Like I said, it was a terribly acted and written movie, the special effects were horrible, and the turkey was a total joke, but I will not lie, I was amused from the beginning to the very end, and that's what counts. Now that you how I feel, stop by and see what Zane's got going in his world. I'm sure it'll be good. Trust me. I'm a professional. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror.