...ROOM SERVICE! BY: ZOMBIE 'FATS' ZANE

YO! IT’S FRIDAY!! What’s good! Coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven it’s time once again to talk some horror. Zombie Zane here with ya on this hotter than fuck summer day. Jesus, this heat is fucking relentless! I’m sitting cool in the fan though. Cool in the fan. Anyway, I thought I’d throw in a bonus post this week. Why? I guess cause it’s hotter than shit and I have nothing else to do. So, how about we cut the foreplay and get to today’s bonus post.

Ok, so last night I watched this odd film called, ‘The Chambermaid.’ Have you heard of that one? Well, hell! Why not kick back for a second and let me tell you all about it. I’m sure you will find this post quite entertaining. And if you don’t, you can fuck off outta here and go read something else. But for the record, you won’t find a better horror blog anywhere else. Trust me...I’m a professional.

‘The Chambermaid’ is a 2007 horror film starring the one, the only, Fiona Horsey. (And if you don’t know who Fiona Horsey is, well hell....Just look at this...

FIONA HORSEY

　

Ok, I really don’t have a lot of background or info on this film other than it stars scream queen Fiona Horsey and it runs about 90mins. Now I got my copy off of a 12 movie collection called Blood Bath. I got it at Amazon but I’m sure you may be able to find it at like Half Price Books or something like that. So, since I really don’t have anymore info on this film, let’s get to the plot.

THE PLOT...’The Chambermaid’ is about a young chambermaid (Horsey) who is struggling with her life. Her boyfriend is a fuck-tard, her boss has a raging hard on for her, and to make matters worse, she is working two jobs just to make ends meet. And to top it all off, she’s on probation. Not a good situation. So the shit hits the fan when she finds out her boss (the owner of the hotel she works at) has been drugging her so he can fuck her while she’s comatose. Nasty bastard! So after finding this out, she decides to take matters into her own hands by seeking a bit of revenge on her boss.

Now this to me wasn’t really a horror movie per say. I mean it did have a kinda sick/twisted plot. And none of the characters had any moral values at all. Even the chambermaid was a calculating bitch. Even before she knew she was getting the high hard one while doped up. I’m not sure what I think about this film. I mean I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it though either. If it didn’t have Fiona in it, I would’ve shit canned it after the first half hour. As it was, the movie didn’t start rolling until about three fourths of the way through. But I will say I did kinda dig the story line. And the cum shot scene was rather amusing...This film had plenty of explicit content in it. There were hand jobs, blow jobs, jerking off, rubbing one out (Fiona) a ton of rape, (although not explicit rape) cum shots and cybering. This was more a soft porn than it was a horror film. Not that I mind, I’m just saying.

BODY COUNT - 3 - Only three deaths. Not near enough.

SEVERINGS - 0 - A big fat nada!

SEX SCENES - 3 - A low number, but we’re talking quality, not quantity.

NUDITY NUMBER - 2.75 out of 5. Bush, boobs, ass, it’s the nekkid tri-fecta!!

GORE SCORE - 1- No blood, just boobs...

MY SCORE - 1.75 out of 5 - I really wanted to give it a 2, but I just couldn’t. Not enough horror in it for me so it loses some cool points there. Not that it was a total waste of time, I mean it did have some worth while shit in it and it did keep my attention I’m just not that impressed with the film overall. I liked ‘Angst’ a whole hella lot better. (‘Angst’ also is a Fiona Horsey film)

Well, that’s it for the week. We all done here. Hope you enjoyed this weeks offering, next week I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but I do know it’ll be good. So until then, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out! ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT! BIG BALLS! FUCKING A!

ZOMBIE 'FATS' ZANE