Hello Dead End Horror sheep that wear the same clothes everyday while trying to catch ghosts and funking up the room that you’re in. People notice ya know.
Anyway, what a shitty last few days for your buddy Zombie Zane. My Yankees were ousted from the ALDS, and my New York Football Giants lost today in heartbreaking fashion. Needless to say, I’ve really taken it up the ass.
Well, another weekend has come and gone here at DEH. (Dead End Horror) and I gotta tell ya, Sasha and I are quite the worse for wear. One word. HUNGOVER! I woke up this morning with a $20 taped to my forehead, my pants down around my ankles, and a sore ass. I think Sasha was up to her usual tricks again. As was I. Funny thing, she woke up the same way!
So enough about our drunken malfeasants and our sore ass-holes. Let me tell you what we got going on this week here at DEH. Wait, fleeting thought! Before I do that, I just wanna say I did watch the pilot of ‘American Horror Story’ this weekend. I read somewhere, (from one of our competitors) that it was as shocking as the movie, “The Human Centipede.” What the FUCK?? Not even close! The way this other dude was carrying on he made it sound like it was the most controversial thing he’d ever seen. Go back to horror school, get real, and shut the fuck up. Not shocking in the least.
What it do What it do! Zombie Zane here coming to ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven. This week our topic at DEAD END HORROR is shocking horror films. Good topic huh? I thought so too. Anyway, Sasha and I are watching a couple of films together and reviewing them. Now the movies we picked this week are from my top ten shocking horror movie list and they are bot available on Netflix so if you wanna watch them after you read us, then you may do so. Ok, the first movie we watched was, ‘THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE : FIRST SEQUENCE.’ Ever seen that one? No? That’s cool, take a sec and read this review. Maybe you’ll wanna watch it. Or skip this one and read Sasha’s. Either way.
This 2010 Dutch horror film was written and directed by Tom Six. (No relation to the Motley Crue guy) Anyway the film is about a German doctor who kidnaps three tourists and connects them surgically mouth to ass. EWWW!! Talk about shitty huh? And by doing that, he creates a human centipede. Hence the title of the movie. He basically does it for his own amusement and because he’s kinda a sick bastard. Really, that’s the plot. I know it doesn’t sound deep, but it does have a unique concept. How many other movies have you heard of like this? And the dude that plays that German doctor (Dieter Laser) is a total creepy von creep creep!! He really does a great job of portraying the mad doctor. He really makes this film work.
Now as far as the surgical procedure is concerned, the whole ass to mouth thing, not much of it is shown. There’s just enough to make you feel a tad squeamish. It’s more the concept of the whole thing that makes this movie what it is. I mean if you stop and think about it, it’s really kinda fucked up. How would you like to be attached to someone else’s ass and have to eat their shit? EWWW!! No thanks, I’ll pass. And yes, that actually is one of the scenes in this movie. Hence that’s one of the reasons this film made my list of the most shocking horror movies.
Now I know this film sounds like it’d be full of gore and shit like that, but really, it’s not. It’s not as bloody as you might think it would be. As I said before, it’s the general concept of the film. It does have some death, it does have some nudity, some foul language, it does possess the necessary ingredients that most horror movies need to be worth a fuck. And a little side note here, there’s very little in the way of CGI. I get so tired of that shit. The less CGI the better. And the human centipede actually looks pretty creepy and not too over the top. The actors wore special underwear made of rubber with a place to bite down on to create the effect of the mouth to ass. In any case, this is a pretty cool movie and you should give it watch. Let me take a sec and break it down further fo ya.
BODY COUNT - 6 - Not a bad number for a horror film. 6 deaths is a lil below avg. But I’ll take it.
SEVERINGS - 0 - Not limbs, or heads, or anything, but there is a good surgical scene.
SEX SCENES - 0 - No humpin here...It;’s a fuck free film.
NUDITY NUMBER - 1 out of 5. Not much here either, a couple side view boob shots, and an old man’s ass...Could’ve done without that....
GORE SCORE - 2.75 out of 5 - Not much gore, but enough to make you squirm a bit.
MY SCORE - 4.5 out of 5 - Almost perfect! I give it such a high score due to the concept of the film. It’s very unique and very disturbing. I highly recommend it if you’re in the mood for something different.
Well, there ya have it. Be sure and see what Sasha has to say about it. Until next time, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out.
