HIT THE ROAD BITCH BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hey there Dead End Horror sheep that stay up all night trying to figure out what came first the chicken or the motherfucking egg. What’s good, slime? Me, I’m just kicking back eating some brunch and doing what I do best. What do I do best you ask? Simple. Nothing! Ha! But whatever. How about we get to today’s shit, yes?

For today, I’m gonna be doing a little something different. I usually talk about movies, or top ten lists, or some shit like that. But today, today I’m going to be reviewing a book that I just read. And yes, I can read. Shocking ain’t it. And get this...I like it! There’s another shocker! But whatever. I thought I’d use today’s post to review, “The Road.” Ever heard of it? I do know that it’s a movie as well, but I haven’t seen it. So no more foreplay, let me tell you about this book.

“The Road” was written by Pulitzer Prize author Cormac McCarthy. I’d never heard of this dude before. But as I was flipping through those first few pages before the story starts, I found out that he also wrote, No Country For Old Men and All The Pretty Horses. (lame) So there ya go. Other than that, I didn’t recognize shit else.

Anywho, this book is set in a postapocalyptic world. It revolves around a father and his son. Basically there’s like not many people left on Earth. And the ones that are left, most of them are like all ragged out cannibals. No shit. Some of the survivors like hunt for others and when they catch them, they straight up boil ‘em and eat ‘em. So there’s some pretty intense shit going on.

So like the father and son are just walking. Walking and trying to survive. Really, that’s all this book is about. I mean there’s like that father loves his son dynamic theme but other than that, this book just paints a pretty bleak picture. It’s quite depressing actually. Makes me so sad I could fart.

But, no, it’s not a bad book. Especially if you like that whole postapocalyptic thing. I do. It’s a good story and it keeps you interested. I mean it’s a page turner. But BEWARE! It’s not an easy read. Some of the way this dude describes shit, is like what the what? I mean it’s like the dude just opened a thesaurus and started picking giant words. It’s kind of pretentious. (See what I did there? I used a big word, too!) But Whatever. I mean it’s a good read but I could’ve done without all the over descriptive shit, ya know. I mean I get it. I think he wrote the word cold like 2000 times.

And I wish he would’ve like gone into more detail about how the world got like it was in the book. That and I would’ve liked to read more about the cannibals. That shit’s cool. But all in all I give ‘The Road” a solid 2.75 out of 5. It isn’t a ‘must read’ but it’s worth giving it a try. Not sure I’d watch the movie though. Like I might if I were to catch it on like HBO or some shit. But I’m not going out of my way to find it. I’ll let find me.

So, I guess that’s all the news that’s fit to print. Be sure and see what the busty Sasha Slaughter has going on. She may be trying to capture an elf. Who knows. But until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and don’t stain your sheets grease!

BEWARE THE WENDIGO By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Well hi there weirdos! Thanks for stopping by today and checking us out! If you read Zane's post on Monday, then you'd know that this month we'll be sprinkling in some Christmas themed horror movies as opposed to just throwing them at you all at once. Let's be honest, I don't think you could handle all of the awesomeness at once =)

So today I thought I'd do my "series girl" thing and tell you a little about Fear Itself episode 8- Skin and Bones. In case you haven't been reading (you damn well better be) or you are a new reader, Fear Itself debuted on NBC in the summer of 2008. It's a horror anthology series created by Mick Garris. Only the first eight episodes were aired on television and the other five went straight to DVD, although they had already been produced. So let me tell you a little more about Skin and Bones.

Grady, a rural ranch owner, goes out on a hunting trip with friends in the cold lonely mountains. His brother Rowdy has been tending to the ranch in his absence. When ten days have passed with no word from Grady or the men he ventured into the mountains with, Rowdy and Grady's wife Elena begin to worry. Rowdy is preparing to ride back out into the woods when he looks out the window and sees Grady staggering toward the house. 

He and Eddie Bear, a Native American who lives with the family and cares for the ranch, rush out to help Grady. When they get him inside they realize he is injured and suffering from severe frostbite. Later that night after they get him settled into bed, the family realizes that he doesn't like the same as he did when he first arrived. His face is sunken in and he looks very sick and malnourished.

Later that night after everyone is asleep, Rowdy and Eddie Bear hear strange noises coming from the horse stables. They rush out to find one of their horses, lying on the ground slaughtered. Eddie Bear glances up and sees Grady in the window staring down and grinning wickedly. The next day Eddie Bear talks to Grady, because he believes he knows what is ailing him. He tells Grady the tale of the day his uncle disappeared into the mountains for two weeks. 

He tells him that his uncle appeared out of nowhere, looking very much the way Grady does now. Grady takes offense to the story and Eddie Bear leaves. Eddie meets up with Rowdy and tells him the same story as the one told to Grady. He tells Rowdy that he believes Grady has been possessed by a Wendigo (A mythical creature appearing in mythology of the Algonquian people. It is a malevolent and cannibalistic spirit that can possess any human.)

Later that night Elena goes to check on Grady when he wakes up and speaks to her as the real Grady may have and explains what happened to him in the mountains. He tells her there was something whispering in his ear and in his head saying to him "I can save you...let me in". He says the voice instructed him to eat and he admits to eating the last hunter that stayed with him. Elena, visibly shaken, tries to exit the room slowly, but Grady moves behind her and appears to try to eat her. Rowdy intervenes and pulls a shotgun on Grady and tells him to let her go. 

Eddie Bear walks up the stairs to try and find Grady, but is then quickly killed. Rowdy comes up the stairs to find Eddie Bear dying, and before he dies Eddie Bear tells him that Grady will eat all of them. He finds Grady lying in bed, pretending to be too sick to move. Grady guilt trips him into lowering his weapon, which gives him enough time to kill Rowdy. Elena hears the shot from the barn and attempts to take her children and leave. Grady stops her and drags her into the kitchen. He puts Rowdy's body onto the table and...

Well ok then! I suggest that you check out Fear Itself: Skin and Bones either on DVD or on Netflix. I think this one was of my favorite episodes! Skin and Bones and The Eater are tied for first place. They were both equally gory and creepy. The plot was great, being based on a Native American legend of the Wendigo. 

I've never heard of it, but it is actually a real thing. The guy that was possessed by the Wendigo was soo sickly and strange looking!! Each time he ate someone and got more powerful, his facial features changed more drastically. I thought the acting was superb. I wish that the episode was longer though. It felt like it could have been, and the ending kind of leaves you hanging, wondering whats going to happen next.

Overall I'd give Skin and Bones a 4 out of 5. Like I said, the acting was great, the plot was great...everything about it was great! There was a good deal of gore and blood. And of course, this wouldn't be an episode about a cannibalistic demon without some good 'ol cannibalism right? I won't spoil it for you, you just have to see for yourself. 

I would recommend this episode to you freaks out there that enjoy a good scare, or being creeped out. This is by far one of the best episodes from Fear Itself that I've seen. And I'd probably watch it again...and again..and...you get the idea. So that's all I have to say about that! While you're here, don't forget to stop over and see what Zane's got going on. Thanks for stopping by!

BANG BANG! YOU'RE DEAD! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Well hello there blog stalkers!! Sasha Slaughter here with you, and yes, Zane and I are back...did you miss us?? Sure you did! We hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving, your food coma and we really hope you enjoyed lounging in your sheep pants (Wait, that was me...oops!). It's back to business as usual at DEH, and that means that we'll be bringing you some more mind blowing awesomeness, we're professionals, it's what we do! 

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we've got yet another holiday looming over our heads...Christmas! And in the spirit of the holiday season, I'll be telling you about a movie called Dead End. It takes place right around Christmas, so it's the perfect way to start the season, no? Dead End was released in 2003 and was written and directed by Jean-Baptiste Andrea and Fabrice Canepa. Dead End is a French film that was made in the USA. So , let me tell you about the movie.

On Christmas Eve, Frank Harrington and his family are driving through California for their annual trip to Frank's Mother in Law's house. Frank decides to take a different route through the forest to get to their destination. While driving, Frank falls asleep at the wheel and almost crashes into another car going the opposite direction. Shortly after, Frank sees a woman in white with a baby walking in the forest. He decides to turn around and look for her but doesn't find her. 

He looks once more and the woman in white appears at the car window and he invites her and her baby into the car. Frank's daughter Marion, who can't take the family fighting anymore, gives up her seat to the woman and decides to walk instead. The family tries to talk to the woman, but she doesn't respond. Frank finds a roadside cabin and decides to stop and see if he can get help. Frank and his wife Laura enter the cabin, leaving Marion's boyfriend Brad alone with the woman in the car.

The woman begins talking to Brad and eventually reveals that the baby she is holding is dead. Brad then screams, and when Frank and Laura return to the car, Brad and the woman are gone. The rest of the family begins looking for him, and while Marion is walking down the road she sees Brad in the back window of a black hearse which drives by slowly. Marion finds her parents to tell them that Brad has been taken, and they go to find him. They are quickly forced to stop after they run over a bump in the road. 

When the family gets out to investigate they find Brad's dead body. A while later, the family realizes that all clocks and watches have stopped at 7:30. Their younger son Richard suggests alien activity, with his idea immediately dismissed. Frank then encounters a black baby carriage in the middle of the road. Frank and Laura start fighting again, while Richard moves the carriage off of the road. He returns to the car and as they are ready to leave they see the carriage in the middle of the road again.

Frank and Laura resume their heated argument when suddenly Marion announces that she is pregnant. Richard then admits that he is doing drugs. The family stops to fix the car and Richard goes into the forest to get high. He encounters the woman in white. They begin kissing and the woman rips Richard's bottom lip off. While fixing the car, the family sees Richard in the back of a black hearse and begin to run after it. 

They then quickly get in the car and follow the hearse. Again they are stopped by yet another bump in the road. They stop to find Richard's burnt dead body. Devastated, Laura reveals that Richard was not Frank's son, and that she had had an affair in the past. They put Richard's body in the back of the car and drive on.

Back on the road, Laura is beginning to show signs of insanity. She begins acting childlike and drawing pictures of Brad's dead body. Frank then sees a sign for "Marcott", which he believes in a Naval base, and that they are on a military road. Laura eventually falls asleep but shortly after, wakes up and has to vomit, so they pull the car over again. She then sees a gun in the car, which was a gift for her gun obsessed brother. In her childish, confused state, Laura believes that the gun is a toy, so she threatens her daughter and husband with it. Frank then tells her that Richard is dead and she has to accept reality, so she shoots him in the leg. Marion cleans the wound and they are on the road again, this time with Marion driving.

Laura claims to see faces outside of the car windows and tells Frank and Marion that they all look sad. She then sees a friend of hers who had passed away, and demands that the car be stopped so she can see her. No one stops the car, so Laura opens the door and jumps out. The car is stopped just in time for Frank and Marion to see that Laura is being taken away by a hearse. Frank shoots at the hearse, causing it to stop. Laura stumbles toward them and says that she is fine but her head hurts. Feeling her head, Laura realizes that the back of her skull is split open. She eventually dies and Frank puts her in the back of the car.

 Frank thinks that getting out is hopeless, so he takes a gun and puts it to his chin but Marion stops him. They begin driving on the road again, and Frank explains to her about Alan, the man with whom her mother had an affair. He then begins drinking whiskey but Marion grabs the bottle and tosses it out the window. Frank is convinced the only way out is to walk through the woods. They get out of the car and walk, and eventually find themselves back where they started, realizing they walked in a complete circle. Frank finds the cabin from before and goes inside. The woman in white appears behind him and....

And then??? Go ahead over to Netflix and check out Dead End if you really wanna know what happens next! This movie was decent. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible either. Not really sure if I'd call this a horror movie or not. It's more of a suspense type thing with a bit of comedy thrown in. The acting was ok, but the character of Richard really got on my nerves. I will say though that the character of the mom was great...after she went insane of course. OMG! It was a riot! 

The scene where she was chowing down on pie was too funny! I mean, she really nailed the whole childish, insane thing for sure! I laughed out loud quite a few times just watching her. I felt that the dialogue wasn't all that clever, it was almost as if a 7 year old wrote it. It indeed was a super cheesy movie, but what do you expect from Troma film??? I wasn't really scared watching this, but I will admit, for about .8 seconds, I was kind of confused. The ending itself I figured out, but how the plot unfolds left me scratching my head a bit.

The film almost had sort of a Twilight Zone feel to it in a way. Shorten it down to about 30 or 40 mins (Which could have been easily done, I'm sure) and BAM! Twilight Zone material! The thing I didn't like is that they didn't show the dead bodies of Brad (the boyfriend) or Richard (the son). I wanna see some dead bodies people...not the terrified reaction on of the families faces! DAMN SON! 

Overall I'd give Dead End a 2.5 out of 5. What lowered the score was the fact that they didn't show dead bodies, and like I said, the dialogue wasn't that great. The ending was a twist, I didn't completely see it coming, but I had a feeling that something like that would happen. And it wasn't scary at all. In fact, I was more amused than I was scared. So there you have it creeps. Now, how about you go on and see what Zane's got going on in his corner of the blog....you'll be glad you did!

MORE FUN THAN A WELL OILED MIDGET AND A CANDYCANE BY ZOMBE ZANE

What it do- what it do motherfuckers! We’re baaaaaaaaaaaack! Did you miss us? Of course you did. Hope everyone out there had a happy Thanksgiving. As for Sasha and I, our holiday was awesome! We totally ate till we puked, drank till we passed out, and had enough time to attend a spanking party. All in all, not a bad holiday. So, what’s poppin, slimes?

As for me, I’m doing good. My New York Football Giants continue to take it on the chin. I hate the fucking Saints! We had such promise a few weeks ago. How the mighty have fallen. Oh well, whatta ya gonna do. 

Anyway, it’s been a while since we’ve talked some horror. How about we get to some? So since the holidays are here, Sasha and I have decided to sprinkle in some holiday horror movies for ya. We figure on doing a couple each week so be sure to look for them.

I’m also gonna give you a list of some of my favorite holiday horror movies I know that you can’t wait for that. Not sure when though. It’ll be this week for sure I’m just not sure on day. I think I’m also gonna go out on a limb and do a book review. That’s right, I can read motherfucker.  

As far as what Sasha has for ya this week, I know she’s gonna be reviewing the film, “Dead End,” which by the way is a great holiday horror film. Umm...she may do some Masters of Horror, not sure what else though. But as you know by now, it’s gonna be good. I mean when is it ever not?

Oh yeah, one more important note. We’re gonna be posting our normal schedule (which is Mon-Fri for those who are new here) up until December 19. Then, due to the holidays, we’re gonna shut it down until after the new year. Not sure our return date, but it won’t be long after Jan. 1
That is if we are all still here.

Don’t be sad, what did you expect? Sasha and I do have family believe it or not. And we even on occasion get into the whole Christmas thing. We are human...well, kinda we are. 

Anywho, that’s it for today. Be sure and check back tomorrow and see what’s on the slab. Maybe Sasha will be half naked like she was last night...Until then, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and jump up and slap your pappy grease!

GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHERFUCKER By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

What it is Ho's?? Ohh wait, I mean hey there fellow horror fans! =) It's almost Thanksgiving! Can you believe that? My oh my how time does fly! We all know what holiday comes this month...Thanksgiving! Yeah! The time of year when you stuff yourselves silly and go into a food coma. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, today I'll be talking about a little film called ThanksKilling. 

Thankskilling was released in 2009 and had a budget of just $4,000. It was written by Jordan Downey and Kevin Stewart and was directed by Jordan Downey. The film was shot in Downey's hometown of Licking County, Ohio. The film is basically about a foul mouthed homicidal turkey that's offing college kids. This should be fun! Let me tell you a little more about it.

The movie begins back in in the olden days in 1621, moments after the very first Thanksgiving. A topless pilgrim (I cannot figure out why the old wrinkly bitch with gross brown nipples was topless in the first place, but whatever works) running through the woods and then getting killed by a turkey (Who tells her she has nice boobs). Fast forward to the present and we meet Johnny, Allie, Kristen, Darren, and Billy, five college kids getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving break. 

In the woods, a hermit and his dog flashy are walking when flashy finds some sort of statue and pisses on it. The ground begins to shake and a turkey rises from the underground and kills the dog. Meanwhile, on their way home, Johnny's jeep breaks down along the road and the kids decide to spend the night in the woods and leave first thing in the morning.

As they are walking into the woods, Darren sees a sign that reads Crawberg. They set up camp and Darren mentions finding the sign and makes a big deal about it. When no one knows what it means, he tells them the story about an Indian who was betrayed by a pilgrim. He tells them that the Indian vowed to curse every white man there was so he necromanced a turkey and every 505 years the turkey comes to life and kills white people. In another part of the woods, the hermit finds his dog  dead, with the turkey standing over top of it with an axe. The turkey said there was an "axeident" (haha) and runs away. 

The kids don't believe Darren's story and when Kristen goes into the woods to call her father, she sees the turkey and runs back to camp to tell the others. No one believes her and they tell her to calm down. As they are sitting around the camp fire a rabbit (A stuffed one of course, and it looked so fake) flies through the air and into the fire. Everyone is starting to get scared so they all go to bed for the night. The following morning Billy wakes up to find the hermit standing over him telling him that the turkey was there and he saved Billy's life.

They pack up their things the following morning and Johnny takes everyone home. Once he gets home he greets his parents and is talking to his father outside when the turkey shows up and cuts his dads head off and then kills his mom. Johnny calls everyone and they meet at Billy's where he tells them that the turkey is real and it killed his parents. Meanwhile Allie is at home screwing some random guy when the turkey comes in and kills him and then starts doinking her. 

She realizes something is wrong and turns around to see the turkey behind her as he breaks her neck. Everyone rushes to Allie's house to warn her, but when they arrive Johnny finds her dead on her bed with a turkey feather and an extra small gravy flavored condom beside her (OMG!! Right?? That's fucking hilarious!) They agree to try and kill the turkey before it kills more of them. Darren says that there is a book that explains how to kill the turkey and Kristen offers to take them to her house and look through her dads book collection.

 The kids arrive a short time later and the turkey (whom Kristen thinks is her dad because the turkey is wearing her dad's face and his sheriff hat) greets them at the door. He let's them in the house and they begin looking for the book that will tell them how to kill the turkey. Darren finds the book and tells them that they have to burn the turkey at the stake and recite a demonic spell backwards in order to kill it. Billy starts bitching about being hungry and leaves. As he is wandering down the street he sees an imaginary turkey and eats it. Soon after his stomach explodes and the turkey comes out with a shot gun and says "FOWL PLAY!" (How funny is that?).

The kids realize Billy is missing and they eventually find him dying on the side of the road. They want to avenge the death of their loved ones, so they agree to find the turkey and kill him. One of the things they had to do to kill the turkey was find the talisman that's hidden in it's feathers and destroy it. They find the talisman and then get in Johnny's jeep to find the Tee-pee where the turkey is usually hiding. They find the tee-pee on the side of the road and make a plan to attack the turkey and tie him up. They go inside the tee-pee to find the turkey eating a salad (Really? Guess that turkey wasn't bad ass after all). They tie the turkey up and then...

And then?? If you're in the Thanksgiving mood, then give ThanksKilling a watch. Unless of course you aren't into ridiculous, campy, so bad there good B movies, then I don't recommend this at all. WOW!! I don't even know what to say other than LOL! I literally laughed out loud during this whole movie! The plot is horrible but it's hilarious at the same time. The acting was just bad..I mean...terrible! And the skanky chick with the black girl and her valley girl accent annoyed the piss out of me! 

Where did they find these people? Oh wait, I read somewhere that they found them on Craigslist. That explains alot. And what's with the topless pilgrim lady at the beginning? You know, she probably ought not to have been topless. Her boobs gave me the wiggins. And the turkey was soo cheesy looking! It was basically a rubber turkey demon puppet. It was just too funny. Ohh and the extra small gravy flavored condom?? Fucking genius. That really tickled my funny bone.

The dialogue and scripting was terrible. I think a three year old could have written something better. Although, I think that this movie was meant to be as ridiculous as it was. It is a B movie after all. The whole maniacal talking killer turkey thing was so stupid it was genius. I mean, you've got this rubbery homicidal turkey that's only shown close up spewing off these funny one liners while going around killing people. What's not to like? You obviously have to have a sense of humor to get through this whole movie, if you don't, it's best not to watch, you will not be amused. This movie was just over the top in all aspects. The acting, the dialogue, the plot...everything was just absolutely horrendous, but yet I enjoyed it.

This is just an entertaining, low budget B film and it makes no apologies for what it is. Some of you may need a beer or 12 and some friends to enjoy this movie, but I don't think Nana would appreciate it. Overall I'd give ThanksKilling a 4 out of 5. Like I said, it was a terribly acted and written movie, the special effects were horrible, and the turkey was a total joke, but I will not lie, I was amused from the beginning to the very end, and that's what counts. Now that you how I feel, stop by and see what Zane's got going in his world. I'm sure it'll be good. Trust me. I'm a professional. Thanks for stopping by Dead End Horror.

PASS THE STUFFING YOU BITCH BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that milk it in the middle of the night while thinking about Tom Turkey giving birth to something resembling your aunties stuffing on your significant other’s tummy-tum. What’s good?

What a shitty fucking weekend for your good buddy Zombie Zane. My New York Football Giants got a kick to the crotch by those fuck-nasty Philadelphia Eagles. I hate the fucking Eagles! SO if any Eagle fan is reading this, I hate your fucking ass as well. You guys suck and are still no fucking ‘Dream Team.’ With your fat ass sausage eating coach. What a tub of shit! I’m just kidding. I love one and all who stop here at DEH. (Dead End Horror) 

Wow! I just freaked out! My bad. I forget that this is not a sports blog from time to time. Anyway, enough sports, let’s get to what we got going on for ya this week. Anyway, as you know, this is Thanksgiving week. And as you may have figured, Sasha and I do actually have family and we are in fact gonna spend some time with them. So, we will not be posting anything new this week after Tuesday. I know, I know, you’re totally bumming. But you can always visit and check out our old shit. We’d love to have ya.

So, on that note, Tuesday’s post will be a Thanksgiving themed horror movie that Sasha watched. I think you’ll like it. Ever seen the movie, “Thankskilling?” No? Well, shit the bed! You should come on over on Tuesday and give it a read. Then, maybe hit Netflix and give it a watch. Why not? 

Well, I guess that’s all I got for ya today. In fact, that’s all I got for ya this week. We’ll be back Monday, November 28th. Until then, have a very happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday. And one more thing before you go, if you’re gonna drink, please, please use a taxi or have a designated driver. Don’t fuck around, okay. We want all of you sheep back with us safe and sound.

Until next time, take care, stay a scared, and I am out! Peace peace and Thanksgiving turkey and stuffing grease!

COLDER THAN A WITCHES TIT BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that like to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy till the break of dawn, YEAH! What’s poppin’ slimes? Well, it’s Friday so that means it’s time for me to do what I do. And by that I mean educate you guys about some good horror. Speaking of good horror, did y’all catch the latest episode of ‘American Horror?’ Fucking A! What a series! That maid talking to that Armenian dude about thick cocks...Crazy! Then when she bit...OOPS! Better stop just in case you haven’t caught it yet.

Anyway, how about we talk about one of the horror movies I watched a couple of nights ago? Ya wanna? Ever seen, “The Thaw?” No? Oh shit! Ya gotta see this thing. Especially if bugs and parasites give you the wibbly-wobbles. So how about we cut the foreplay and get to today’s shit, yes?

“The Thaw” is a 2009 American horror/sci-fi film. It’s also one of the ‘Ghosthouse Underground’ movies. Just in case you were wondering. And just in case you weren’t. Anywho, it’s directed by Mark A. Lewis and it stars Val Kilmer and a bunch of people I’ve never heard of. It runs just about 90mins and sadly, it’s not on Netflix for instant watch. BOO! But if you have IFC, you may can find it on there. I’ve seen it on there a few times. Or you can always go out and get it. There are Best Buy’s and shit like that that sell dvd’s and whatnot.

Ok, how about we get to the plot and other shit?

THE PLOT AND OTHER SHIT

The plot breaks down like this: A global warming research team stumbles across this deadly parasite while doing some research in the Arctic about the effect global warming has on the icecaps. Once the parasite is released, YAMMA MAMMA! All shit breaks loose and the mayhem begins. Sounds good huh? 

I gotta tell ya, this movie made my fuckin’ skin crawl! Bugs and shit like that give me the crawlies. I was like tweeking out while I was watching this thing. Just the thought of something alien laying eggs in me and then hatching....YIKES!  

I really liked this film. Anything that makes you uncomfortable when you watch it (especially horror movies) is a must watch. I mean if you’re gonna do safe, then fucking watch ‘Twatlight’ or some shit. It’s all about getting freaked out, don’t you agree? So yeah, I really liked this film. Not all the Ghosthouse movies are good, but this is one of the better ones.

On that note, I give ‘The Thaw’ a solid 3.25 out of 5. There’s not much in the way of gore, I mean there is some, this dude cuts off his infected arm. And some of the sick people do some pretty gross shit, so there is a bit of an ich factor to it. No nudity though, sorry boob fans. But whatever. It’s still worth an hour and a half of your time. So if you wanna see flesh eating, egg laying alien parasites, give this a watch. You’ll like it.

Well, I guess that’s all the news that’s fit to print. It’s the weekend and I got shit to do. Like what? Drink beer and raise the dead of course! Anyway, until Monday, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and midget orgy grease!

1..2..THESE WAYWARD SPIRITS ARE COMING FOR YOU! By: SASHA SLAUGHTER

Hey there for the final time this week! Sasha Slaughter here with to pleasure your eye sockets with some kick ass horror. This will be our last full week of posting until after Thanksgiving. We'll post Monday and Tuesday of next week and then Zane and I are taking a break for a few days. We've been so busy there, that we haven't been able to participate in as much debaucherous behavior as we'd like to. 

But I guarantee during our break we'll get into all kinds of things...maybe we'll tell you about it..or maybe not. So today I'll be telling you weirdos about a movie called The Gravedancers. Ever hear of it? No? Yes? Well let me tell you a few things about it. The Gravedancers is a 2005 American horror film directed by Mike Mendez and written by Brad Keene and Chris Skinner. Here's something you may or may not know, The Gravedancers was chosen as one of 8 Films to Die For in 2006 and was screened at that year's After Dark Horrorfest film festival. Awesome. Let me tell you a little more about it.

The film begins with a young woman in a dark room telling someone or something to leave her alone. She is then attacked by an invisible force, who hangs her in the stairway of her house. As she dies, she drops a black envelope on the stairs. Fast forward exactly one year later to the funeral of Devin Lansing, who died in a car accident. His three close friends from college, Sid, Kira, and Harris attend the funeral and meet up at a local bar. 

Sid decides that they should all go to Devin's grave one last time together because he didn't go to the funeral. Harris and Kira are hesitant at first but eventually meet up with Sid. They begin drinking and saying their final goodbyes to an old friend. Sid finds a black envelope tucked behind flowers on Devin's headstone. It contains a note urging those present and alive to be joyful and dance on the graves. In their drunken state, the three friends regard this as a celebration of life, and so they dance.

Shortly after, strange things begin happening. Harris and his wife Allison are frightened by unexplained sounds and odd visions. While lying in bed one night, Allison hears someone next to her saying "He told me that he loved me" and when she turns around she sees a woman whom she thinks is Kira, Harris' old flame from college. The woman lunges at Allison and she runs down the stairs to tell Harris. She is so convinced that it was Kira that she drives herself and Harris to Kira's house to confront her. 

Upon arriving, they discover Kira's house in disarray and Kira nowhere to be found. They are walking through the house when Kira stumbles out of the bathroom but it quickly dragged back inside while the door slams shut. Harris opens the door and finds Kira cowering in a bathtub with blood and marks all over her body. They take her to the hospital where the doctor tells them that she was severely bitten and possibly sexually assaulted.

They get a call from Sid who believes he is being haunted. He enlists the help of two paranormal investigators, Vincent Cochet and Frances Culpepper. They talk to Harris and Sid and the two admit that they danced on graves the night of Devin's funeral and tell the investigators about the note on the headstone. Vincent and Frances tell them that they inadvertently invoked a powerful force by dancing on the graves. They tell them that they are now being haunted by three wayward spirits. Sid is being haunted by a child pyromaniac, Harris is being haunted by a passionate axe murderer, and Kira is being haunted by a serial killer/rapist who had a fetish for sodomy. They then tell Harris and Sid that the spirits will take their revenge and kill them on the next full moon.

As the full moon approaches, under the advice of Vincent and Frances, they return to the cemetery to uncover the remains of their tormentors, hoping to rebury them and put the curse to rest. The spirits attack Sid, Harris, and Kira at the cemetery and they barely escape alive. They return back to Vince's home where they are attacked again by the malevolent forces. Kira is talking to Allison when the force that's haunting her finds her and traps her in a room. 

Sid and Harris are trying to knock down the door to get to her, but when they do they find Kira floating in the air and a shard of glass hovering above her throat. As they move to save her, an unseen force slits Kira's throat and she falls to the floor. Vincent insists that everyone stay together, and when they can't find Frances, he eventually finds her alone in a study. Allison, Harris, and Sid join them and that's when she tells them that.....

What does that nerdy bitch have to say?? Well, how about you go to Netflix and watch The Gravedancers and find out! I liked this movie alot. It creeped me out a few times..I mean it gave me goosebumps and everything. The special effects were a little on the cheesy side, but creepy nonetheless. I mean the creepy, rapist ghost when it was attacking Kira was just scary looking!! Ughh! 

I'd straight pee in my underpants if I saw that thing coming at me. But I will say that some of the effects really kinda looked like people in Halloween costumes, not too believable really. And it's the weirdest thing, I thought that I'd never seen this movie, but it wasn't until almost towards the end when I saw the ghost of the child pyromaniac when I realized that I had seen it before. How could I forget that creepy skull head on that little kids body!

The acting was decent and I thought the plot was really original also. The whole getting cursed for dancing on graves thing was kinda cool I thought. It was a little B-ish though during some parts. Not horrible, but not great either. My one big problem was with the end, I won't give it away but the last five minutes are just...terrible. The CGI at the end was totally unnecessary and completely ridiculous. It sort of reminded me of a scary Disney movie. 

Overall I'd give The Gravedancers a 3.5 out of 5. It was a decent film, something I'd definitely recommend watching with someone in the dark, it's sure to make you jump a time or too. Not really all that scary, but I think it meant more as a cheesy, over the top kinda thing, ya know? Now that you know how I feel about that, make sure to stop by and see what Zane's doing! And as always, check back next week for new stuff here at Dead End Horror.

HORROR'S BEST BOOBS PART 2 BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hello Dead End Horror sheep that are fans of the automobile and are into kinky sex with one legged wrestling superstars. What’s poppin’ slime? Anyway, another day, another post. I got some good shit for all you horny horn-balls out there. A while back I did a post about Horror’s Hottest Boobs. Do ya remember that one? Sure ya do. 

Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to kinda do a sequel. Now before I get to it, Sasha Slaughter is not, I repeat, IS NOT gonna grace us with a sneak peak. BOO! I know, I know. I tried, I tried. But to no avail. But hey, don’t worry. I got a five other contestants. In all, that’s like ten total tits! Two boobs per contestant equals ten total ta-ta’s! I rule! So how about we quit the foreplay and get to Horror’s Hottest Hooters Part Two!

These first set of bra buddies belong to Brit Ekland. She played ‘Willow’ in 1973's “The Wicker Man.” I’m sure you remember this odd little scene don’t ya? Remember her like slapping her ass and banging on the wall? Btw, the song she’s singing, is a killer song. I have the remake by The Sneaker Pimps. They used that song on ‘Hostel.’ Remember, Sasha? 

 

The next set of ICBMS belong to Cerina Vincent. She was the dark haired girl in ‘Cabin Fever.’ Btw, remember when she was fucking her boyfriend at the first and she rolls him over and jams her finger up his ass? What the fuck? One little side note, ‘Cabin Fever’ is a Zombie Zane favorite. Love it! Got Heeeeeem! 

Next set of skooners that we need to discuss is Erin Marie Hogan. Ya know, she’s the sister in ‘Paranormal Entity.’ Ya gotta wait for most of the movie to see ‘em, but what the hell. The movie ain’t that bad so, ya know, it’s kinda a win-win deal. Ya get to see a good movie, and you get a bonus at the end. They’re not as good as Sasha’s, but beggars can’t be choosers. 

Remember that movie, ‘Starship Troopers?’ Do you remember the red-headed chick? Anyway, I’m talking about Dina Meyer. She was the one that had the wettie for Rico. And by the way, Rico was such a douche bag! I hated the retard! I thought it was funny when he got his ass canned. Fuck-tard. Anyway, Dina Meyer makes the list. 

Last but not least we have Gianna Michales. Remeber the topless parasailer in ‘Piranha 3D.?’ That’s her. Not sure why I didn’t include her on the last one of these I did. But whatever. Better late than not at all.  

 

Well, there ya go. Plenty of spank bank material for ya. I still wish Sasha would’ve given us a sample, maybe if and when I do another one she’ll give up the plate. But for now we just gotta use our imagination. Well, at least you guys have to. I’ve seen them. And they are spectacular!

Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and you still ain’t cooler than me grease!