HIT THE ROAD BITCH BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Hey there Dead End Horror sheep that stay up all night trying to figure out what came first the chicken or the motherfucking egg. What’s good, slime? Me, I’m just kicking back eating some brunch and doing what I do best. What do I do best you ask? Simple. Nothing! Ha! But whatever. How about we get to today’s shit, yes?

For today, I’m gonna be doing a little something different. I usually talk about movies, or top ten lists, or some shit like that. But today, today I’m going to be reviewing a book that I just read. And yes, I can read. Shocking ain’t it. And get this...I like it! There’s another shocker! But whatever. I thought I’d use today’s post to review, “The Road.” Ever heard of it? I do know that it’s a movie as well, but I haven’t seen it. So no more foreplay, let me tell you about this book.

“The Road” was written by Pulitzer Prize author Cormac McCarthy. I’d never heard of this dude before. But as I was flipping through those first few pages before the story starts, I found out that he also wrote, No Country For Old Men and All The Pretty Horses. (lame) So there ya go. Other than that, I didn’t recognize shit else.

Anywho, this book is set in a postapocalyptic world. It revolves around a father and his son. Basically there’s like not many people left on Earth. And the ones that are left, most of them are like all ragged out cannibals. No shit. Some of the survivors like hunt for others and when they catch them, they straight up boil ‘em and eat ‘em. So there’s some pretty intense shit going on.

So like the father and son are just walking. Walking and trying to survive. Really, that’s all this book is about. I mean there’s like that father loves his son dynamic theme but other than that, this book just paints a pretty bleak picture. It’s quite depressing actually. Makes me so sad I could fart.

But, no, it’s not a bad book. Especially if you like that whole postapocalyptic thing. I do. It’s a good story and it keeps you interested. I mean it’s a page turner. But BEWARE! It’s not an easy read. Some of the way this dude describes shit, is like what the what? I mean it’s like the dude just opened a thesaurus and started picking giant words. It’s kind of pretentious. (See what I did there? I used a big word, too!) But Whatever. I mean it’s a good read but I could’ve done without all the over descriptive shit, ya know. I mean I get it. I think he wrote the word cold like 2000 times.

And I wish he would’ve like gone into more detail about how the world got like it was in the book. That and I would’ve liked to read more about the cannibals. That shit’s cool. But all in all I give ‘The Road” a solid 2.75 out of 5. It isn’t a ‘must read’ but it’s worth giving it a try. Not sure I’d watch the movie though. Like I might if I were to catch it on like HBO or some shit. But I’m not going out of my way to find it. I’ll let find me.

So, I guess that’s all the news that’s fit to print. Be sure and see what the busty Sasha Slaughter has going on. She may be trying to capture an elf. Who knows. But until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and don’t stain your sheets grease!