DRAIN THE LIZARD!!

WHATTA YA HEAR, WHATTA YA SAY! Zombie Zane here once again coming at ya live and direct from the seven six one oh seven. A.k.a. the glass furnace. Or the pit of hell. Or the suck. Or whatever analogy you would like to insert. Anyway, this month is all about old school horror. If you’ve been following this blog, you already know this. If you haven’t, well know you know now. (I totally stole that from a BEP song.) We’ll get back to newer shit next month. But until then, kick back and roll old school with us.

Ok, so this week we’re all about monster movies. Ya know, giant shrews, wolfmen, fucking creatures from lagoons, giant man eating lizards, you dig me, right? So today I thought I’d tell you about the film ‘THE GIANT GILA MONSTER.’ Have you seen that one? No? Not a prob Bob. Allow me to educate. I know the title sounds fucking retarded, but believe it or not, it ain’t as bad as it sounds. It’s one of the better B movies out there. But then again, that ain’t saying much I guess. Ok, enough of this foreplay. Let’s get to today’s movie.

‘THE GIANT GILA MONSTER’ is a 1959 made in America sci-fi film. It’s directed by Ray Kellogg (who also directed the film I reviewed yesterday; ‘The Killer Shrews.’ What a happy coincidence.) It was released in June of ‘59 and it runs just about 75mins. It’s available on DVD as well. You can find it on those ‘bargain box sets’ or on a double feature disc put out by Legend films. And on a side note, the one put out by Legend is actually in color. So that’s pretty cool. Oh, and this movie is also considered a cult classic as well. So again, it’s gets a few extra cool points. Now that I gave you the particulars, let’s get to the plot, yes?

Basically it goes down like this: A huge man eating Gila monster is eating its way through a small, rural Texas town. It’s munching everything it can. Anything from livestock to the poor townsfolk. Now at first, none of the townspeople know what the fuck is going on. People just seem to be vanishing. But with the help of a local teen, the town sheriff finally figures out just what the fuck is really going on. And like all monster movies, you know what comes next...Find the Gila monster and destroy it. Or try to anyway. And basically, that’s about it. I mean I could give you a blow by blow, or you could just watch the damn thing.

Now this film isn’t a bad watch. I mean it did keep my attention and it was good for a few laughs. The way they filmed the Gila monster is pretty cool. They actually used a real one and just scaled down the town via a model to make the monster look huge. So it ain’t like that retarded shit where a dude runs around in a monster costume. If you like that type of shit, go and watch Godzilla.

I guess it’s time for me to rate this motherfucker for ya. I give ‘THE GIANT GILA MONSTER’ a 2.25. I took a few points off due to the lame ass singing in it. Now I know that doesn’t make sense when I say singing, but if you watch it, you’ll see what I mean. Maybe I’ll find the vid and post it along with this review. Or maybe not. Anyway a 2.25 for ‘THE GIANT GILA MONSTER.’

That’s all I got for your ass today. Be sure and see what Sasha Slaughter has for you. She just watched ‘THE WOLFMAN’ with Lon Chaney Jr. So you’ll wanna go and check out her stuff. So until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! WHEN IN DOUBT, WHIP IT OUT!

PS! HERE'S THE RETARDED SONG THAT I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT!! OMG! TOO FUCKIN FUNNY!!

DID YOU WATCH IT? LOL! ...And the lord said, laugh children laugh, the lord said...Nevermind what he said, I say another beer is in order here. Especially after that! Ok, I'm out for real. Z-YA!