BEWARE OF THE BOOZE AND BOOBS By: ZOMBIE ZANE

Heya, Dead End Horror sheep that wear radioactive clothing and eat nothing but frozen pizza rolls! What’s good? Anyway, it’s that time once again for you to kick back and read one of my posts. So I guess that means it’s time for me to write one. Which is what I’m doing now.

So what I wanna do today is, I wanna talk about one of my favorite movies of all times. I’m talking about the movie, “Hostel!” Fuck yeah! If you haven’t seen it, let me start by telling you this is one bad bastard of a horror film. Seriously. It’s got all the crucial elements. It’s got, gore, plenty of nakedness, a great, sox rockin’ soundtrack, and a hella good plot. This thing is fucking too cool! So please, take a few moments and hang out here with me, yes?

 “Hostel” is a 2005 American horror film written, produced, and directed by Eli Roth. Now for the record, I’m not a huge Roth fan. I kinda think he’s an arrogant prick. But then again, if I had made a movie like this, I’d be arrogant too. But whatever. Anyway, Roth’s original script was developed by none other than Quintin Tarantino. Tarantino also served as one of the producers as well. Maybe that explains some of the films awesomeness.

 Also lending their talent to the movie are Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, and Rick Hoffman. And oh yeah, some Russian girls whose names I can’t pronounce let alone type. The film runs just under 95mins and you can find this film just about anywhere dvd’s are sold. Now that you know a bit of the particulars, let’s get to the plot, yes?

 One of the things that makes this movie good is the plot. I mean it’s simple but at the time it was original as hell. The movie is about a place in Slovakia where rich people pay to kill a victim of their choosing in any manner that they see fit. They can use chainsaws, drills, guns, knives, fuckin’ whatever!  They can get as medieval as they want. Fucking anything goes. Trippy huh?  I mean like if you want to kill an American, you can bid on a price. Say maybe it starts out at like 30k, but say another dude wants to kill an American, so he bids like 35k and so on and so on. Ya follow me? And just like an ebay auction, the winner with the highest bid gets that certain person. Ya dig?

So Josh and Paxton (Hernandez and Richardson) end up at this hostel where they are drugged and kidnapped and tortured in various ways. Told ya, it’s a cool fuckin’ plot. And the coolest part, is that everyone that works at this hostel is in on it! Everybody that works there plays a part in this murder racket. I mean they could give shit one of an American gets offed. They don’t care cause it’s all about the $$$!

 Now that you know the plot, you are like dying to watch this movie, right? Right? Like I hope I didn’t fuck it up and tell you too much info. I saw this thing and went into it not knowing what to expect.  It blew my fucking mind so much that I actually watched it twice in a row. I’ve only done that with like two other films. Wanna know which ones? No? Fuck you! I’m gonna tell ya anyway. I did it with “The Devils Rejects,” and I did it with “Open Water.” But yeah, I dig this film and I give it a perfect 5 out of 5. I can’t stress enough how much I liked it.

 Okay, so there it is. I guess that’s all I got for ya today. Be sure and pay a visit to Sasha as well. It’s laundry day so you may just get to watch her wash her undies. Ha! That sounded funny. Anyway, until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out! Peace peace and Jack ‘N the Box grease.

Zombie Zane