NO ENGLISH, NO PROBLEM by: Zombie Zane

Coming to ya live and direct once again from the Seven-Six-One-Oh-Seven Zombie Zane here with another installment of DEAD END HORROR. This week Sasha and I are talking foreign horror films. She’s got a great article on Dario Argento so make sure you give it a read. As for me, I’m gonna give you my top ten foreign horror movies of all time and review the film ‘THE BABY’S ROOM.’ Sound good? I thought so to.
So enough foreplay, let’s get to my list shall we...

ZOMBIE ZANE’S TOP TEN FOREIGN HORROR MOVIES

10. CRONOS (1993) A Mexican made vampire film written and directed by Guillermo del Toro. I really liked this film, wasn’t really what I expected, but I’m a huge fan of vampire shit so it makes the list.

9. TOKYO GORE POLICE (2008) This Asian horror movie comes in at nine. This bastard is fast paced, full of gore, and just down right bad to the fuckin bone. I could’ve ranked this film higher, and almost did but there are still some good movies on my list so it gets number nine.

8. VAMPYR (1932) Yeah, 1932. Don’t hate. Yes, it’s old, yes it’s dated, but this Scandinavian horror film is considered to be one of the cinema’s greatest horror movies. I don’t know about that, but it’s pretty fuckin trippy. Fo sho a mind bending kinda film.

7. JU-ON (2002) Coming in at the seven is another film from the Asian persuasion. By the way, did you know that ‘Ju-on’ is the Asian version of the American film, ‘The Grudge.?’ And I gotta tell ya, the American version doesn’t have shit on this one. If you liked ‘The Grudge’ or even if you didn’t, watch this bad boy. Trust me, this is 10x better than the made in the USA one.

6. DEAD SNOW (2009) Nazi zombies! Need I say more? This little gem comes out of Norway and lands in the six spot. I really, REALLY liked this one. It has some of the best gore scenes I’ve seen in a long time. There’s this one part where...Wait. Sorry. I don’t wanna spoil it for ya. Just hop on Netflix and give this a shot. Too fuckin’ cool for school y’all. It gets a what the what!
Okay, we’re half done here. Enjoying the list thus far? Me too. But I am growing weary of all this typing. This was more work than I thought. EGAD!!

5. SALO (1975) Also known as ‘120 Days of Sodom.’ I can’t stress enough how fucked this movie is. And when I say fucked, I mean fucked in a good way. This film too has a Nazi theme to it. These Nazi’s aren’t zombies though. If you’re into torture films, this is the film for you. Again, WATCH WITH EXTREME CAUTION!!!!

4. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE: FIRST SEQUENCE (2009) This film gives a whole new meaning to the term "ass to mouth." This bad boy comes outta the Netherlands and it is quite disturbing. Hence the ass to mouth reference. It takes a lot to eek me out. It really does. But there were a few parts in this motherfucker that just blew my mind. Not a movie for the faint of heart.

3. NOSFERATU (1929) Landing in the trey is the German classic directed by F.W. Murnau. Yes, it’s silent, but this is by far the BEST Dracula adaptation ever. Fuck all the remakes, sometimes old-school rules. And in this case it does. I own this film and have literally seen it like fifty times. This film is where it all began so if you haven’t seen it, hop over to Netflix after you read this and give it a watch.

2. OLDBOY (2003) Out of Korea this revenge movie lands in the two spot. This is by far one of the best if not the best revenge movies of all time. I mean when the dude cuts out his own tongue, HOLY SHIT!! I was into this movie from start to finish and damn near made it my numero uno. All I can really say about this film is...WATCH IT!! It’ll really trip your shit.

1. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008) Okay, here it is. The best foreign horror movie of all time. This is better, WAY better than the shitty ass, piece of total fuck American remake. This film is beautiful from start to finish. The acting, the cinematography, the music, the feel, I mean this is how you do a horror film. As I said, I dig the shit outta vampire films and this is probably my favorite film in that genre. Yeah, it’s subtitled, so ya gotta read but it is TOTALLY worth it.

Well, there it is. The top ten best foreign horror films of all time. You may agree, you may disagree, but I’m sure you’ll find all these movies worth a watch. So until next time, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out.