Ass to mouth anyone?? by Sasha Slaughter

This week on the Dead End, it's all about shocking horror and I'm going to be reviewing the movie 'Human Centipede: The first sequence'. My partner Zombie Zane definitley knows alot more about shocking horror than I do, so needless to say, he schooled me a little this week.

Human Centipede came out in 2009 and is directed by Tom Six. And let me tell you, it's definitley gross!! *shocked face!!!* It starts out in Germany with this weird guy pulled over on the side of the road, and a trucker stops behind him and gets out of his truck with a roll of toilet paper *you can guess what the trucker is up to* The creeper gets out of his car with a tranquilizer gun and shoots the dumping trucker and takes him back to his house. Fast forward a bit to two American girls that are searching for a nightclub but end up getting a flat tire in the process. And I do have to mention the horny old man that pulls up beside them that thinks he has "horny movies" of the girls at home..OMG! That was amusing. Anyway..They decide to go into the woods and try and find help. There was about 5 minutes of back and forth bitching at eachother until they stumble upon a house in the middle of the woods. They knock on the door and this big, tall, creeper answers the door and lets them in. They ask to use his phone to call a cab and he offers to do it while he gets them a drink of water. Little do they know, the big, tall German creeper just slipped some roofies into their water.

He pretends to call for a cab while he drugs their drinks. He brings them their water and sits on the couch waiting for the drugs to kick in. Jenny drinks most of her water and starts feeling the effects of the drugs because Lindsay accidently spilled hers. When the drugged girl starts to get tired, Dr. Josef Heiter *creepy guy* tells the other one that he put date rape drugs in their water. Of course the other girl gets freaked out and tries to leave but doesn't make it far when Dr. Creeper gives her a shot in the neck to knock her out.

They wake up downstairs in the basement strapped to hospital beds with IV's in their arms. And the dumping trucker is down there also. Josef goes to the trucker and tells him that he's "Not a match" and that he has to kill him, so he injects something into his IV and the trucker dies and he decides to bury him in the backyard. What a nice guy, burying him and all..not. Ok, so then Josef comes home with a Japanese guy whom he puts in the basement and straps to a hospital bed. And the doctor reveals his plan, to make the three of them into a human centipede. He explains everything, from taking out their knee caps to taking out some teeth, and to attaching some mouths to some asses. If you ask me, I'd rather be at the front of that freaky chain.

While he is prepping them for the operation, Lindsay unties herself and tries to escape. The doctor chases her all around the house and she ends up in his pool and refuses to come out. So he shuts the pool cover and walks away, thinking that she drowned. She manages to get out of the pool and goes to the basement to get Jenny and try to escape. She drags Jenny out of her bed, up the stairs and into a bedroom to escape through the broken window. If that were me, I'd save my own ass first. Oh, was that harsh?? Ehh! So anyway in the process of trying to drag the sedated weight that is her friend, she manages to get out the broken window but the doctor is standing right behind her and shoots her with the tranquilizer gun. And he tells her just for trying to escape, she will the middle of the chain.

After he gets the two girls back inside he prepares them for the operation. They don't really show much of it, but they do show him ripping out some teeth and cutting some butt tissue. And the surgery is complete. The Japanese guy is the beginning of the chain, followed by Lindsay *who tried to escape* and then ends with Jenny. They have to crawl around on all fours because their knee caps were removed. The doctor wakes them up and starts taking pictures and then takes a mirror and shows them what they all look like. He also attempts to train them like animals, by making the Japanese guy bring him the paper while he stands there in his white doctor coat and weird sunglasses. Later that night, the doctor feeds the beginning of the chain, he's the only one that can eat, seeing as how the other two have their mouths connected to an ass. Another amusing thing is when the little Japanese guy bites the doctor...too funny.


 He has them outside and the Japanese guy starts freaking out, saying that he has to umm...take a dump. And I think you can guess where that will go, seeing as how he has someone attached to his ass. GROSS!!! He does a check up on them to see how they are, and finds out that Jenny, the last one on the chain, has blood poisoning, not to mention her face is all infected..again...GROSS!! After the check up, the police come to his house because they got a complaint of an American girl screaming in his yard. He repeatedly refuses that he has anything to do with it and even tries to drug the two cops that come to his house. They threaten to return with a search warrant and then leave. While the three downstaris attempt to escape, the doctor comes down to try and stop them. And I will say, that little Japanese guy messed Dr. Creeper up! He stabbed him with a scalpel and then bit a nice big chunk out of his neck.

And so the three of them begin trying to climb up the basement stairs to get away. They reach the top and go into the room with the broken window, thinking they can escape that way. They discover that the window had since been fixed. The doctor reaches the room with scalpel in hand, and then the Japanese guy goes on a tangent about living a selfish existence and then proceeds to slit his throat with a piece of glass. The cops return with the warrant and search the house for the doctor. One of the cops drank the drugged water and is starting to get disoriented. He walks into the where the pool is and finds the doctor, and then gunshots are fired, but it's not the doctor thats killed. The whacko doctor somehow got a gun and shot and killed the cop. The other cop hears the gunshots and goes to the pool and sees the doctor sitting along the wall. Before he can get a chance to shoot, the creeper shoots him and before the cop goes down, he shoots the doctor in the head. The last scene is of Lindsay and Jenny, still attached to eachother, with Jenny dying of blood poisoning. Jenny dies and Lindsay is left there, alone, attached to the ass of a dead guy, and with a dead girl attached to her own ass. What a way to go!!

So, this movie was definitley gross. There was an ok amount of blood, not alot of gore, but the plot was pretty good. Just the thought of that happening grosses me out alot! Ughh! It was a shocking movie, and overall I'm going to give it a solid 3 out of 5. Don't forget to check out Zombie Zanes review of 'Human Centipede', you'll be glad you did. And check out our review of 'Scrapbook' too, and as always faithful readers, check back next week!!