Have You Seen My Sausage? My Sausage is Freakin Huge!! By: Sasha Slaughter

Hey there fellow horror fans that pretend they're world famous rappers! Thanks for stopping by and checking us out. Sasha Slaughter here with you and today I'll be reviewing a movie for you! Yay!!! I know you missed me last week, so here I am bitches. Anyway, I'll be reviewing the movie Bread Crumbs...sounds scary right? ha. 

I found the movie on Netflix and decided to give a watch because I've never heard of it. And also, people are giving it really bad ratings, and I just wanna see for myself. Bread Crumbs was directed by Mike Nichols and stars no one that I've ever heard of. So let's see what it's like, shall we?

In this modern day take on the classic Hansel and Gretel (Total bullshit by the way. Nothing like it really), Bread Crumbs finds a group adult filmmakers and actors falling victim to a murderous presence while filming at a remote cottage in the woods. Veteran actress Angie thought she had left her painful and sordid past behind her, until a sleazy producer convinces her to do one last movie. And as the cast and crew wind their way through the secluded woods in search of their destination, they meet Patti and Henry along the way. Seemingly harmless children, or so they think, that appear to live amongst the trees.

Shortly after they reach the cabin and the cameras start to roll, the group is attacked by a psychotic killer. The lead actor Billy, who is terrified after witnessing a cold blooded killing, holds Patti hostage, in hopes of stopping the killer, whom they believe is Patti's brother Henry. Patti insists she has nothing to do with the murders and that Henry is in charge. But soon reality sets in and it's only Henry, Patti, and Angie left standing. Will Angie make it out alive, or will she fall victim and star in her final bloody swan song?

Ooooh sounds interesting doesn't it? Don't let my awesome writing fool you. This movie was a gigantic steaming pile of absolute fuck!! Yeah! I should have listened to the people on Suckflix when they said it was horrible. But I had to find out for myself. 

Ahh. It wasn't all horrible. I actually laughed out loud a time or two. Like when the porn actor (playing a pizza delivery guy no doubt) was practicing his lines. Too funny. Other than that this film has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 

And don't get all excited about the fact that the people are filming an adult movie. You don't really get to see much...two or three boob shots, and that's about it. I will say though that the kids that played Henry and Patti did a great job. I mean, they were seriously creepy little homicidal children. It was kind of awesome.

This was probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen though. I cannot even begin to explain how stupid it was.I mean...just stupid. The acting was terrible, the plot was even worse...and the ending? Don't even get me started on the ending. The ending made the movie suck even more...if that's possible. Overall I'd give Bread Crumbs a 2.5 out of 5. And I give it a 2.5 because there was a good bit of blood...a throat slashing, death by bow and arrow, and a dude hung by chains...not too bad. 

And I gotta say, the actor that played Henry was awesome. His was definitely the best acting. He made the character so believable. I'd tell you to watch it and see, but I don't really recommend this film at all, and I don't want you freaks complaining that I made you waste an hour and a half of your life. 

 Anyway, that's all I gotta say about that. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to see what Zane has going on. I think he's doing a little bracket style horror for you! Yay!

Zombies...Blood...and a Friendly Sociopath By: Sasha Slaughter

Oh well hey there DEH fans!! Thanks for checking us out! In case you didn't know, as of this month Zane and I have had the blog for 1 year. Wow! Crazy right? So we wanna thank all of our fans, new ones, and ones that have been there from the beginning. We appreciate you showing us some love by reading our stuff. We will continue to rock your socks for as long we can. 

Now, let's get down to business. Today I'll be doing another movie review for you freaks. I also found this movie on Netflix, it's called DIE-ner (get it?). It's a B movie about a zombie apocalypse. What's not to like? It came out in 2010 and was written by Patrick Horvath. So let me give you my review, huh?

A sociopathic serial killer named Ken stops at a small town diner and quickly befriends graveyard-shift waitress Rose. Winning over his trust, Rose tells him how she ended up in the lonesome diner. Ken seems genuinely interested, until he slits her throat. He then finds Fred, the unsuspecting cook, and kills him too. He stuffs their bodies in the walk-in freezer and cleans up the crime scene when his escape is thwarted when bickering married couple Kathy and Rob come into the diner. 

He pretends that he works at the diner and is friendly at first. He sits at their booth, with his pocket knife ready to kill the couple when the small town Sheriff arrives at the diner. The situation turns volatile when Fred and Rose stumble out of the freezer, in search of some flesh to munch on. Ken holds Rob, Kathy, and Sheriff Duke hostage, but with the zombie up-rising in full effect, Ken does his best to come up with a plan to flee both the law, and a fate much worse than death.

ZZZZZZZZZZ WOW!! What a pile of B movie shit my friends. Sure, it sounds good right? Well, that's because I wrote it, but anyway, it's actually really terrible. The acting is bad...the plot is bad.. the dialogue was bad...everything is just bad. I don't even know who any of those people are. But I will say that the movie did have that B movie humor in it. I laughed a few times, but that doesn't make up for how terrible the movie was. 

I think throughout most of the movie, there were like 5 zombies...I was like WTF?? Where are the zombies??? And then with five minutes of the movie left, that's when the zombies start like taking over the diner and killing people. There could have been more zombies though. It's supposed to be about a zombie apocalypse...I don't think that 10 zombies really counts as an apocalypse...do you?

I will say that the zombies looked pretty decent. There was a good amount of blood too...and a severed finger...and two severed heads. Not too bad. Overall I'd give DIE-ner (get it?) a 2 out of 5. I was actually pretty bored throughout the whole movie, I sort of wanted to take a nap. 

As you all know, I loves me some zombies, but the ones in this movie didn't do a thing for me. It's on Netflix if you wanna check out, you don't have to take my word for it. Thanks for taking the time and stopping by Dead End Horror!