Thursday, September 8, 2011

SPANK IT! SPANK THAT MONKEY! By: SASHA 'Spank me' SLAUGHTER

Hi there!! Sasha Slaughter here with you for the final day of man vs beast week!! I know, it's over already! What a shame!! NOT! =) Man vs beast is definitely not my thing, but I made it. Anyway, I'll be reviewing the movie Blood Monkey. It came out in 2007 and was directed by Robert M. Young. It's a foreign B-horror movie and it runs about 88 minutes. And, on a side note, it stars F.Murray Abraham (Anyone remember him from Scarface or Thir13en Ghosts??)

                                                                     
When six graduate students arrive in Africa to study the continents resident apes, things start getting deadly. They are accompanied by renowned Professor Hamilton. The students believe it's the chance of a lifetime, but quickly realize it's a life or death situation. As the chimps of the jungle start killing the students one by one, the survivors begin to wonder if they'll ever make it out alive.

The movie begins with three men setting a trap in the jungle. One of the men radios Hamilton to tell him that they caught something. Hamilton and Chenne, (His evil Chinese sidekick) go to the jungle to see what the men have found. They hear screaming noises and go to find that the ape has escaped and killed two of the men. Six college students are on the way to the jungle to study the apes with Professor Hamilton and another group. They are driven just short of their destination and dropped off. The driver tells him he won't go any further because there are bad things in jungle. They follow the trail when it suddenly stops. They decide to stay where they are until someone finds them. As night falls they begin to hear strange noises coming from the jungle. They hear something in the bush directly in front of them. Seth, one of the students, takes a camcorder and uses night vision and sees a pair of glowing eyes in the bush. Just then a little Chinese chick appears and throws a flare into the bush and the thing runs away.

                                                       
She tells them to follow her. They reach camp shortly after and settle in for the night. The following morning Hamilton comes into their tent and tells them that they are going exploring into undiscovered territory in the jungle where no one else has ever been. Before leaving they realize their cell phones and personal items have been stolen. Chenne comes out with a bag and says that she took everything. Hamilton tells them that he doesn't want to risk anything pertaining to their journey being leaked to the public. He takes them exploring in the jungle and asks them to climb down what he calls "Hamilton's Crater". When asked if he's ever been there before he hesitates and steals a glance at Chenne before telling them no. They continue exploring when they come to an area where there are tents set up. They begin to question Hamilton about them supposedly being the first ones there and then ask where the other group of people are that were supposed to be with them. He denies that there were supposed to be others and admits that he and Chenne have been in the valley before. They question him about the extra backpacks and he tells them they'll talk about it later before disappearing into a tent.

A few hours later Hamilton returns holding a skull. He passes it around to the students and asks them if they know what it is. None of them recognize it and he tells them that the creature it belongs to isn't extinct and exists in the jungle. Suddenly one of the men that tried to trap an ape before the students got there appears at camp all bloody and unable to speak. Hamilton takes him into a tent with Chenne and closes the tent so the students can't see in. They begin talking and wondering why Hamilton has them there if he's so protective of the species that he's searching for. They admit that they all feel like hostages and some of the students are considering leaving the following day. Later that night while Sidney is in the makeshift bathroom she hears noises next to her. She stands up and gets grabbed by the ankles and dragged away. That morning Seth asks Hamilton if he spoke to Sidney. He tells her that Sidney came to him and said that she wanted to go home so Chenne went with her to show her the way out of the jungle. Hamilton then tells him that they will be continuing their journey and to get the others ready.
                                                                    
Seth tells the others that they are going into uncharted territory and to get ready. They begin to suspect that something happened to Sidney but don't question her leaving. Nearby Chenne is dragging Sidney through the woods and then kicks her into the river leaves her there. Sidney climbs out and finds the trap that the men used to try and trap an ape. She climbs into it and moments later is face to face with one of the apes. It swipes its paw across her face and rips half of it off. Chenne arrives with the rest of the group shortly after and they ask Hamilton about Sidney and he quickly changes the subject. The students are getting suspicious and make a plan to steal Chenne's gun in the middle of the night and try to escape. They all agree that Hamilton isn't interested in the land they're on, but he's interested in whatever is living on it.

They stop to set up camp when Seth finds Sidney's necklace on the ground. Later that night they start hearing noises at camp. Greg tells Hamilton that he needs to start talking and explain himself. Hamilton tells them that he has discovered a new species that has been in Africa for years. He tells them that instead of them going to apes, he wants the apes to come to them. He says that he picked them because they wont want to share in the glory of finding a new species because they'll never be able to outshine him. Later on they start to make plans to take the gun. They are in their tents waiting for the right moment when it begins to rain, or so they think it's rain. After the "rain" stops Greg realizes that it wasn't rain, it was ape urine and he tells Dani and Josh that some animals piss on their prey before killing it. Just then Josh gets dragged out of the tent and into the jungle.


 They all follow Josh's screams through the jungle while Hamilton and Chenne try to hunt and kill one of the apes. Chenne shoots Greg while he's looking for Josh and ties him to a tree with his belt as bait for the apes. She lies on the ground and waits for them to find Greg so she can kill them. While waiting she keeps hearing noises behind her. When she looks at her watch she sees the reflection of one of the apes in it right before it kills her. (bye-bye evil Chinese bitch!). They then attack and kill Greg, who is still tied to the tree. Hamilton hears the commotion and finds Chenne's lifeless body on the ground. Seth comes up behind and him and accuses Hamilton of using them as bait and knowing that the land was dangerous before he brought them there. He threatens to tell everyone what Hamilton has done before Hamilton hits him and knocks him out.

He uses the GPS he put in the bracelets he made everyone wear to find Dani and Amy. He finds them hiding and tells them that everyone is dead and they are going to continue their search. He tells Dani to record him explaining that the group had been attacked by the apes and he says they'll continue the following day. He uses the GPS to try and find Sidney, thinking it will lead him right to the apes. He finds Sidney's arm hanging from a tree. He pulls the arm and something comes out of a tree and impales him. He tells Dani and Amy that the apes set the trap and then dies. Seth finds Dani and Amy and tells them they have get out of there. They run to where camp was set up but quickly realize that everything was gone. They keep running for a while before realizing that Dani disappeared. They look into the tree above and see her body dangling from a tree. They begin to run and find a cave and run into it to hide. They think they see Josh's light and run to find him. They use the night vision on the camcorder to find their way around when they realize that the cave is where the apes live. They start hearing growling noises and then....

                                            
What happens to the last two survivors? If you wanna know, then give Blood Monkey a watch!! Now then, it's time for me to ramble. Mmm...I don't really think I liked this movie very much. For one thing, the title was awfully misleading. Blood Monkey?? Well where the hell was blood and the monkeys? I mean, there was a decent amount of blood and some severed limbs, and a chick getting part of her face ripped off, but I thought there would be a bit more blood. And the monkeys? Where were they? I mean, you saw shadows in the jungle and shit, but the actual apes didn't even make an appearance until the last few minutes of the movie. Some scenes were shot kinda like you were seeing through the apes eyes and seeing what they saw. I wanted to see some big, murderous apes man!! I mean yeah, it was CGI and all, but still. When they did show the apes at the end they were hela creepy with their big fangs dripping with blood. They should have been in the movie the whole time.

The acting was sub par at best and a little over top at times. And that Chinese wench Chenne got on my nerves! She was so damn evil. I would have messed that bitch all up. Seriously! I was glad when that biotch got offed. And the professor was evil too, leading those poor college students to their demise! What a prick! Overall I'd give Blood Monkey a 3 out of 5. It sort of kept my interest throughout, but at times I was bored. It wasn't horrible but it was great either. You can definitely tell it was a B-horror creature feature, that's for sure. But nonetheless, it was a decent film. Now that you know how I feel about that, how about you go check out what Zombie Zane has going on. He'll gladly show you what he's got! And until next time, come back next week to see what we've got going on at Dead End Horror.
                                                                                                        
Sasha doing what she does...OUCH!
                                                                            




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