Best Horror Movies of all Time Final Round By: Zombie Zane

Hello Dead End Horror fans and noted cherry tarts. What’s good? Okay, so I know I’m a bit late on this post, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Anyway, I’m back and I know that elates you.

For today’s post I’m gonna finish up my little bracket thinger of the best horror movies ever. If this is your first time here, not to worry. I’m gonna re-post the whole thing and that way you’ll know what you’re looking at.

So without further ado, let’s cut out the fucking foreplay and get to it: 

The Best Horror Movie of all Time: Bracket Style
                               
South Region
1.  Hostel
2.  Scream
3.  Pet Sematary
4.  Nosferatu

Round 1 
1.  Hostel vs.  4.  Nosferatu: This was not as close as you might’ve thought. I love Nosferatu but Hostel was just the better film in this match-up. Hostel wins in a bloodbath.
2.  Scream vs.  3.  Pet Sematary: Close. So fucking close. I’m giving the victory to Pet Sematary here but not by much. Pet Sematary moves on to the second round.

North Region
1.  Child’s Play
2.  Salem’s Lot
3.  Poltergeist
4.  The Blair Witch Project

Round 1
1.  Child’s Play vs.  4.  The Blair Witch Project: Hella good match-up! I’ve seen both, I love both but Blair Witch wins this match-up in a close one.
2.  Salem’s Lot vs.  3.  Poltergeist: Holy fuck! How to pick this one? This was another close battle but Salem’s Lot gets the ‘W’ here and moves on.

West Region
1.  Let the Right One In
2.  Psycho (1960)
3.  Alien
4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Round 1 
1.  Let the Right One In vs.  4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre: LTROI wins this in a slaughter. I dig some TCM but let’s face it, Let the Right One In is far superior.
2.  Psycho vs.  3.  Alien: Two iconic horror films. What to do?  I’m going Alien here even though Psycho is the granddaddy of all slasher films. Alien moves on.

East Region
1.  The Exorcist
2.  An American Werewolf in London
3.  Saw
4.  Open Water

Round 1
1.  The Exorcist vs.  Open Water: Man, these are two totally different movies and both are scary as fuck. For different reasons of course. But The Exorcist wins this one. But closer than you would think.
2.  An American Werewolf in London vs.  3.  Saw: Hmmm. Interesting. I’m going with American Werewolf in London on this one. Mostly because Saw has too many fucking sequels and I’m a fan of Landis. Werewolf in London moves forward.

Elite Eight Horror Movies of all Time

1.  Hostel vs.  3.  Pet Sematary: Nice! This is a tough call. After careful consideration and much deliberation, I’m giving the win to Hostel. Not an easy choice but that’s the way I see it.
2.  Salem’s Lot vs.  4.  Blair Witch Project: Another fierce battle! Too bad there can’t be a tie. I’m going Salem’s Lot here. It was the first movie to ever scare me and therefore it moves on.
1.  Let the Right One In vs.  3.  Alien: Two totally opposite movies both with a unique style. I dig both of these but I’m gonna have Let the Right One In move on to the next round. It’s just too good a movie to leave out of the finals.
1.  The Exorcist vs.  2.  An American Werewolf in London: Hands down the clear cut winner here is The Exorcist. It’s just too sox rockin’ a movie to go down at the hands of American Werewolf in London. Sorry, Landis. I love ya but... 

Final Four Horror Movies of all Time

1.  Hostel vs:  2.  Salem’s Lot: Egads and yikes! I love both of these films but there can only be one winner. Hostel takes down Salem’s Lot in a very close contest.
1.  Let the Right One In vs: 1.  The Exorcist: I’m sticking with The Exorcist here. It wasn’t an easy choice but demon possession gives me the jim-jams.  

The Best Horror Movie of all Time:

1.  Hostel vs.  1.  The Exorcist: Hostel made it far but the best horror movie of all time goes to The Exorcist.

The Best Horror Movie of all Time: The Exorcist

And there ya go. Be sure and see what Sasha’s up to. I think she may be planning something that may injure me. Until then, this is Zombie Zane and Sasha Slaughter bidding you a good evening.

5 Things I'd Do If The World Was Going To End By: Sasha Slaughter

Hey dead heads!!! Thanks for stopping by to check me out...I mean us out...=). Today I'll be doing my surprise article...ooooh!!! It was Zane's idea and I figured what the hell, I always do what he tells me anyway. Sigh. 

Anywho, I'll be doing a list of 5 things that I'd do if the world was going to end, because those crazy Mayans apparently predicted that the world would end on December 21, 2012. I personally think it's a bunch of bullshit and it's just some nerds and crazies with boners freaking out over nothing. 

And in my humble opinion, the Mayan calendar thingy stopped because they ran out of rock to scribble on....or maybe they got drunk and forgot what the hell they were doing. Anyway, I thought maybe it would fun to do list, so here it is!!!

1.) Ream Zombie Zane in the ass for making me do shit I don't wanna do. He does it all the time. Do this Sasha, do that Sasha. I'd make sure to ream him very well...with a giant strap on....and no lube. Take that Zane!!!

2.) I'd Shane some bitches. Yeahh, you know who you are. There are a few chicks I'd love to Shane right about now. You know, shoot 'em in the leg, let them get eaten by zombies or whatever. Sorry man. Well, actually I'm not sorry. Whores.

3.) Eat as much peanut butter as humanly possible. That's right, I'd waste some of my last minutes gorging on some peanutty goodness. Hell, if the world is ending, I wanna die with my favorite food in my belly!! Don't judge!!!

4.) Have sex...as much as possible. That's right, I wanna at least have one last 0 before I burst into flames or whatever. And I could incorporate the peanut butter with the sex too...huh huh. Two birds with one stone. Bam!!!

5.) Get drunk as hell. Yeahh. One last time hittin the hooch would def. make my list. Actually, I could get wasted, eat peanut butter, and have sex all at the same time. I bet that would get messy...gross. But if it were the end of the world, I really wouldn't care about getting dirty. Ok...maybe I would.

So there you have it. Those are five things that I'd do if the world were coming to an end. It's some silly shit, I know. But it's me...whattya want??? And I'm sure some of you creepers out there would do some wayyy more freaky shit. 

Don't lie. I know it's only the freaky ones that read our blog. Rawr!! And since you're stalking my stuff (not that stuff pervs...you wish!!) don't forget to stop in and see what Zane's up to....it could be anything!! And I'll bet whatever it is, he's doing in his shiny MP's. HA! And as always don't forget to check back next week for all new stuff here at Dead End Horror.

Meet your Maker By: Sasha Slaughter

Oh hey there die-hard DEH fans! Thanks for stopping by to stalk us. This week we'll be doing some random stuff, and I've got a different kind of post for you on Thursday, but I won't ruin the surprise. =) And Zane will be finishing up is horror movie bracket, who will be #1?? Stay tuned! 

As for today, I thought maybe I'd review a movie from Suckflix...I mean Netflix. Lately I've been finding a bunch of off the wall horror films that I've never heard of, and neither has Zane...and that's saying something cuz Zane knows ALOT about horror films. The movie I'll be reviewing today is called Mask Maker (Meet your Maker). It was released in 2010 and written by G.E. Furst and Eric Miller and was directed by G.E. Furst. Now let's see what it's all about shall we?

Evan Reynold's decides to give his girlfriend the surprise of a lifetime, and buys an old plantation house in the country that sits on forty acres of land. Shocked at first, Jennifer finally comes around and can't wait to start a life in their new home. Evan reveals that he got the plantation plus the land for a mere ten thousand dollars, and Jennifer wonders aloud why it was so cheap. 

But what they are about to discover from the small town, and personal experiences, tells them exactly why they got such a great deal on the home. They decide to invite a few friends over to help them clean up and start fixing up the place. 

But soon after, their friends start disappearing one by one, which at first goes unnoticed. Jennifer finds an old diary that belonged to Lydia Beaufort, and reads in it terrible entry's about a boy named Leonard and his medical condition. She then discovers that Evan has bought Lydia's old home.

Jennifer also finds strange satanic symbols and voodoo curses in the diary, but thinks nothing of it. She learns from Mr. Peck, who works at a local store, the story of the house and the woman that the diary belonged to. He tells her of a boy named Leonard, who was said to have been touched by the devil. 

Lydia was believed to be a witch and was hung one night after sacrificing an infant to save Leonard's life. As Leonard tried to save the witch, he was stabbed and buried on the land in a small graveyard with a voodoo staff stuck into his grave so that he cannot rise from the dead. But Evan stumbles upon the staff and takes it out of the ground, causing Leonard to come back, and seek revenge on those who killed Lydia.

WOW!! Such drama...such suspense. Am I good or what? haha. This movie wasn't all that bad. I mean, there were some major holes in the plot, but it works. And I gotta say, how many slashers can you rip off in a single movie?? The cursed killer dude murdered people and then ripped off their faces and wore their skin....Sound familiar?? 

But it was kind of cool how the guy decapitated his victims and ripped their faces off in one piece instead of sewing them together. Total badass. Ohh and the film also kind of ripped off Halloween. Totally. The way he wore the faces really made him look like Michael Myers. I mean, he even wore a jumpsuit at one point and did the slow walk. What??? 

And the flashbacks were kind of confusing. They were mainly flashbacks of the story of the masked killer and the witch, but they didn't make a whole lot of sense. Like, they never said what his medical condition was and why his face was always bandaged.

The plot was decent, although the acting was pretty bland. The only redeeming quality was the gore, and there was plenty of it. A few decapitations, death by axe...ahh and plenty of blood. And for you pervs out there, there were a few ass and boob shots. Although the boob shots were nothing to get a boner over..unless you're a fan of the itty bitty titty committee. HA! 

Overall I'd give Mask Maker (Meet your Maker) a 2.5 out of 5. I wasn't very impressed, and the movie was average at best. But the gore kind of upped the score for me. I don't know if I would recommend this movie. 

I mean maybe if you were bored and wanted to watch something that you won't really pay attention to, or if you just wanna see some ta ta's. Whatever floats your boat. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to see what Zane has going on for this week.

The Best Horror Movie of all Time: Bracket Style Round Two By: Zombie Zane

Hello Dead End Horror fans and noted pubic area shavers. What’s new bug-a-boo? Well, it’s Friday and that means that it’s time for me to do one more post before the weekend. Bet you’re all fucking excited and shit aren’t ya?

Anywho, today’s post will be round two of my best horror movie ever. Now if you haven’t read Wednesday’s post you have no fucking idea what I’m talking about. But not to worry. I’m gonna fix you up. I’m gonna re-post Wednesday’s shit along with the today’s new shit so you can see all the shit at once. How many shit’s is that?

What I’ve done is taken 16 of the best  horror movies and divided them up into four regions. Each one of those four regions has four horror films seeded one through four. You follow? Okay. Each movie will face off against another movie bracket style until only two movies remain. Hence the two horror movies that remain will duke it out to see which one is the best horror film of all time. You dig?

Still not getting it? That’s okay. Just keep reading and you will. This post I’m gonna be doing round two. Or the final eight. My next post will be the final four and then finally the Championship. As I said, I re-posted round one so those who haven’t seen it can catch up. The second round begins under Elite Eight Horror Movies. Go and peep it out.

THE BEST HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME: BRACKET STYLE- ROUND ONE

South Region
1.  Hostel
2.  Scream
3.  Pet Sematary
4.  Nosferatu

Round 1  
1.  Hostel vs.  4.  Nosferatu: This was not as close as you might’ve thought. I love Nosferatu but Hostel was just the better film in this match-up. Hostel wins in a bloodbath.
2.  Scream vs.  3.  Pet Sematary: Close. So fucking close. I’m giving the victory to Pet Sematary here but not by much. Pet Sematary moves on to the second round.

North Region
1.  Child’s Play
2.  Salem’s Lot
3.  Poltergeist
4.  The Blair Witch Project

Round 1
1.  Child’s Play vs.  4.  The Blair Witch Project: Hella good match-up! I’ve seen both, I love both but Blair Witch wins this match-up in a close one.
2.  Salem’s Lot vs.  3.  Poltergeist: Holy fuck! How to pick this one? This was another close battle but Salem’s Lot gets the ‘W’ here and moves on.

West Region
1.  Let the Right One In
2.  Psycho (1960)
3.  Alien
4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Round 1  
1.  Let the Right One In vs.  4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre: LTROI wins this in a slaughter. I dig some TCM but let’s face it, Let the Right One In is far superior.
2.  Psycho vs.  3.  Alien: Two iconic horror films. What to do?  I’m going Alien here even though Psycho is the granddaddy of all slasher films. Alien moves on.

East Region
1.  The Exorcist
2.  An American Werewolf in London
3.  Saw
4.  Open Water

Round 1
1.  The Exorcist vs.  4. Open Water: Man, these are two totally different movies and both are scary as fuck. For different reasons of course. But The Exorcist wins this one. But closer than you would think.
2.  An American Werewolf in London vs.  3.  Saw: Hmmm. Interesting. I’m going with American Werewolf in London on this one. Mostly because Saw has too many fucking sequels and I’m a fan of Landis. Werewolf in London moves forward.

Elite Eight Horror Movies of all Time

1.  Hostel vs.  3.  Pet Sematary: Nice! This is a tough call. After careful consideration and much deliberation, I’m giving the win to Hostel. Not an easy choice but that’s the way I see it.
2.  Salem’s Lot vs.  4.  Blair Witch Project: Another fierce battle! Too bad there can’t be a tie. I’m going Salem’s Lot here. It was the first movie to scare the fuck outta me and therefore it moves on.
1.  Let the Right One In vs.  3.  Alien: Two totally opposite movies both with a unique style. I dig the shit outta both of these but I’m gonna have Let the Right One In move on to the next round. It’s just too good a movie to leave out of the finals.
1.  The Exorcist vs.  2.  An American Werewolf in London: Hands down the clear cut winner here is The Exorcist. It’s just too bad ass to go down at the hands of American Werewolf in London. Sorry, Landis. I love ya but...

Well, there you have it horror fans. We’re now down to four movies. What movie will be crowned the best horror movie of all time? If you wanna know, come back and check us out. I’ll post the final two rounds on Wednesday’s post next week. I’ll do the final four and the Championship then.

Until next time this is Zombie Zane and the busty Sasha Slaughter bidding you adieu.

Horror Poems By: Sasha Slaughter



The Massacre

As I walk with the others,

I see it in the sky,

the rest of them change direction,

and I don't know why.

I decide to follow them,

with what little is left of my mind,

this overwhelming need to feed haunts me,

I know what I must find.

I can see them running,

trying desperately to escape,

some of them don't make it,

they've met their deadly fate.

I fight off the others for a bite of warm flesh,

I finally have what I've been looking for,

but I couldn't believe what happened next.

As I eat alongside the others,

with the rest of the undead,

my whole world goes black in an instant,

I've just been shot in the head.

 The Doctor

I sit here contemplating suicide,

there is no other choice but to end my life,

I've let down the one closest to me,

TS-19, she used to be my wife.

I see the others in the lobby,

surprised they are alive,

but deep down inside of my soul,

I know none of them will survive.

I let them in and tell them to make themselves at home,

knowing that within hours,

I won't be dying alone.

They pepper me with questions,

I try to answer them my best,

I tell them about the others in my building,

and how I'm now the only one that's left.

The time is getting closer,

the clock on the wall tells me so,

the timer counts down the minutes,

not many to go.

I tell the others that an imminent end is near,

they fight and argue with me,

this is something they don't want to hear.

I seal the doors tight,

I tell them that they cannot leave,

the end of the world is upon us,

and today they will perish with me.

They finally convince me to let them go,

I tell them that the place is sealed tight,

but they don't believe it's so.

A member of their group decides to stay with me,

the rest of them make it out safely,

just as she and I are blown away,

with the rest of the CDC.

Bazinga! There you have it horror fanatics. A little something different this week from yours truly. Hope you liked it! And I hope that those of you that read the poems know what they are about. Not everyone will. You would have had to tune in to a certain tv show to even know what I'm talking about. And to those of you who figured it out, Awesome!!! 

I don't do poetry often, but maybe I should though. Afterall, I got mad skills bitch! haha. But seriously, thanks for taking the time to stop by and check out my stuff. Not that stuff perverts!!! You wish! =) Don't forget to stop in and check on Zane, he loves the company. Thanks for stopping by!!!

The Best Horror Movie of all Time: Bracket Style By: Zombie Zane

Heya, Dead End Horror fans and noted crotch watchers. What’s kickin? Well, I actually have some new shit for your viewing pleasure today. Well don’t just stand there looking stunned and poorly. Continue reading.

As I mentioned in Monday’s post I’ve been working on a bracket style thing that will show you the best horror movie of all time. If you are unfamiliar with a bracket then I don’t know what to tell you other than keep reading.

Anywho, what I’ve done is taken 16 of the best  horror movies and divided them up into four regions. Each one of those four regions has four horror films seeded one through four. You follow? Okay. Each movie will face off against another movie bracket style until only two movies remain. Hence the two horror movies that remain will duke it out to see which one is the best horror film of all time. You dig?  

Still not getting it? That’s okay. Just keep reading and you will. This post I’m gonna be doing round one. My next post will be round two and so on and so on. So, sit down lay down or squat down and let’s get to it.

THE BEST HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME: BRACKET STYLE- ROUND ONE

South Region
1.  Hostel
2.  Scream
3.  Pet Sematary
4.  Nosferatu

Round 1 
1.  Hostel vs.  4.  Nosferatu: This was not as close as you might’ve thought. I love Nosferatu but Hostel was just the better film in this match-up. Hostel wins in a bloodbath.
2.  Scream vs.  3.  Pet Sematary: Close. So fucking close. I’m giving the victory to Pet Sematary here but not by much. Pet Sematary moves on to the second round. 

North Region
1.  Child’s Play
2.  Salem’s Lot
3.  Poltergeist
4.  The Blair Witch Project

Round 1
1.  Child’s Play vs.  4.  The Blair Witch Project: Hella good match-up! I’ve seen both, I love both but Blair Witch wins this match-up in a close one.
2.  Salem’s Lot vs.  3.  Poltergeist: Holy fuck! How to pick this one? This was another close battle but Salem’s Lot gets the ‘W’ here and moves on. 

West Region
1.  Let the Right One In
2.  Psycho (1960)
3.  Alien
4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Round 1 
1.  Let the Right One In vs.  4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre: LTROI wins this in a slaughter. I dig some TCM but let’s face it, Let the Right One In is far superior.
2.  Psycho vs.  3.  Alien: Two iconic horror films. What to do?  I’m going Alien here even though Psycho is the granddaddy of all slasher films. Alien moves on.

East Region
1.  The Exorcist
2.  An American Werewolf in London
3.  Saw
4.  Open Water

Round 1
1.  The Exorcist vs.  Open Water: Man, these are two totally different movies and both are scary as fuck. For different reasons of course. But The Exorcist wins this one. But closer than you would think.
2.  An American Werewolf in London vs.  3.  Saw: Hmmm. Interesting. I’m going with American Werewolf in London on this one. Mostly because Saw has too many fucking sequels and I’m a fan of Landis. Werewolf in London moves forward. 

So, there you go. Round one of the best horror movies is now in the books. What you think? Agree? Disagree? In any case this was fun as hell. We’ve now narrowed the field to eight. What film will win? Any upsets in the making? You’ll just have to check back and see.

Until next time, this is Zombie Zane and Sasha Slaughter bidding you adieu. We’ll see you next time horror fans.

Have You Seen My Sausage? My Sausage is Freakin Huge!! By: Sasha Slaughter

Hey there fellow horror fans that pretend they're world famous rappers! Thanks for stopping by and checking us out. Sasha Slaughter here with you and today I'll be reviewing a movie for you! Yay!!! I know you missed me last week, so here I am bitches. Anyway, I'll be reviewing the movie Bread Crumbs...sounds scary right? ha. 

I found the movie on Netflix and decided to give a watch because I've never heard of it. And also, people are giving it really bad ratings, and I just wanna see for myself. Bread Crumbs was directed by Mike Nichols and stars no one that I've ever heard of. So let's see what it's like, shall we?

In this modern day take on the classic Hansel and Gretel (Total bullshit by the way. Nothing like it really), Bread Crumbs finds a group adult filmmakers and actors falling victim to a murderous presence while filming at a remote cottage in the woods. Veteran actress Angie thought she had left her painful and sordid past behind her, until a sleazy producer convinces her to do one last movie. And as the cast and crew wind their way through the secluded woods in search of their destination, they meet Patti and Henry along the way. Seemingly harmless children, or so they think, that appear to live amongst the trees.

Shortly after they reach the cabin and the cameras start to roll, the group is attacked by a psychotic killer. The lead actor Billy, who is terrified after witnessing a cold blooded killing, holds Patti hostage, in hopes of stopping the killer, whom they believe is Patti's brother Henry. Patti insists she has nothing to do with the murders and that Henry is in charge. But soon reality sets in and it's only Henry, Patti, and Angie left standing. Will Angie make it out alive, or will she fall victim and star in her final bloody swan song?

Ooooh sounds interesting doesn't it? Don't let my awesome writing fool you. This movie was a gigantic steaming pile of absolute fuck!! Yeah! I should have listened to the people on Suckflix when they said it was horrible. But I had to find out for myself. 

Ahh. It wasn't all horrible. I actually laughed out loud a time or two. Like when the porn actor (playing a pizza delivery guy no doubt) was practicing his lines. Too funny. Other than that this film has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 

And don't get all excited about the fact that the people are filming an adult movie. You don't really get to see much...two or three boob shots, and that's about it. I will say though that the kids that played Henry and Patti did a great job. I mean, they were seriously creepy little homicidal children. It was kind of awesome.

This was probably one of the worst movies I've ever seen though. I cannot even begin to explain how stupid it was.I mean...just stupid. The acting was terrible, the plot was even worse...and the ending? Don't even get me started on the ending. The ending made the movie suck even more...if that's possible. Overall I'd give Bread Crumbs a 2.5 out of 5. And I give it a 2.5 because there was a good bit of blood...a throat slashing, death by bow and arrow, and a dude hung by chains...not too bad. 

And I gotta say, the actor that played Henry was awesome. His was definitely the best acting. He made the character so believable. I'd tell you to watch it and see, but I don't really recommend this film at all, and I don't want you freaks complaining that I made you waste an hour and a half of your life. 

 Anyway, that's all I gotta say about that. Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to see what Zane has going on. I think he's doing a little bracket style horror for you! Yay!