I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD! BY: ZOMBIE 'Nah-Nah' ZANE

What’s up horror fans that sleep all day and stay up all night running amok with plastic swords! Anyway, Zombie Zane here with you once again and once again it’s time to do what we do. For today, I wanna tell you about this movie I watched last night. Anyone ever seen, “The Satanic Rites of Dracula?” No? Then kick on back a sec and let me educate you.

“The Satanic Rites of Dracula” is a 1974 Hammer horror film. (Hammer is a production company that is known for its gothic-vampire movies) Anyway, this is the eighth Hammer film and it’s also a sequel to “Dracula A.D. 1972.” But don’t worry, you don’t have to see the A.D. film to keep up with this one.  “Rites of Dracula” also stars Christopher Lee and the always cool Peter Cushing. It’s directed by Alan Gibson and runs just about 90mins.  It’s not available on Netflix for instant watch, but you can do the whole mail/dvd thing if you are so inclined.                   

                                                                                                               

Basically the film breaks down like this: Scotland police fear that there is some vampire shit going down in the area. So, they hook up with Van Helsing, a top notch vampire expert.  Before I go on, you should see the haircut on this cop, too funny! Talk about a dorky sumbitch...Dude looks like the missing link, no?
            

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
Anyway, the cops and Van Helsing find out that Dracula is about to fuck shit up in a major way. His plans are to release an advanced form of the Black Plague onto the world thus destroying the human race as we know it. Why? I have no clue. That doesn’t really sound like vampire activity to me but whatever. I didn’t write the movie. But in any case, that’s about how this film breaks down.

Now as for what I thought about this thing, It was just okay for me. It’s not the best of the Hammer films. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s fuckin’ cool to see Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee in the same film, and it did have a naked Maggie Fitzgerald, but this film just came up a bit short. Especially the ending.  A bush! Are you fucking kidding me? I won’t elaborate any further in case you do plan on watching this.  But be ready for a shit pile of an ending.
                                         

                                     
Okay. I give “The Satanic Rites of Dracula” a 2 out of 5. Like I said, not the best of the Hammer films. I would’ve given it a higher mark but shit, man, you didn’t see Dracula until like 40mins in, there wasn’t enough blood, and the ending was on the retarded side. So all things considered, it escapes with a 2.

But I will tell you this, if you aren’t familiar with the Hammer films, you should look into them.  Especially if you aren’t familiar with Christopher Lee. He makes a damn good Count Dracula and he’s a creepy fuck.  So read this, check out what Sasha has going on, and go watch some Hammer films.

                                                                             
 So until tomorrow, take care, stay a-scared and I am out!
                                                                                                         

A whore in church