SO MUCH WOOL YOU COULD KNIT A SWEATER! BY: ZOMBIE ZANE

Heya Dead End Horror fans that chew with your mouth open in front of a mirror. What's good? So, this post is gonna be a repeat. Why? Cause I'm fucking lazy that's why. Whatever. No, for real, what you're about to read is the first post ever at Dead End Horror. This is the post that started the whole thing. I wrote this motherfucker like, idk, many months ago. I just thought it would be cool to add some photos and shit to it. 

Like when we started posting, we weren't adding jack shit. Just words. Not that that's a bad thing, I mean whatever. We were new. What did we know? Anyway, here's the first ever post we ever did. It was fun going back and reading this...We've come along way. So no more foreplay, here is my take on the movie, "Return Of The Living Dead Girls."
 
I was bored like wood and I couldn’t find a damn thing to watch. None of my DVD’s or any of my DVR shit sounded good. Ya know what I’m talking about, we’ve all been there. Anyway, I got to looking at Netflix instant watch and came across this movie that kinda looked interesting so I decided to give it watch. Ever seen the movie, ‘Revenge of the Living Dead Girls?’ No? I’ll tell ya about it.

‘Revenge of the Living Dead Girls’ is a French horror film that was released in September of 1987. It was written by John King (that don’t sound French) and directed by Pierre B. Reinhard. (Now that sounds French fo’sho’) The cast is made up of a bunch of people with French names that I can’t pronounce or even spell for that matter. So, let’s just pretend that I did and move along to the plot.

This film is about three young girls that die from drinking poisoned milk and then come back as zombies because some company decides to dump toxic shit into the graveyard. That’s what I got from this movie anyway. The plot was so convoluted and full of holes, I never really got a clear cut idea on what the fuck was really going on. But I think that’s the gist of it. And if it isn’t...eh, doesn’t matter anyway. This thing was a total shit bomb and the retarded plot is the least of this films worries.

I absolutely hated this movie! Hated with a capital "H" There’s so much wrong with this movie, I don’t know where to start. This film couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a soft core porn or a horror movie. It was like a fuckin’ identity crisis. And don’t get me wrong, sex and horror together are like beer and pizza, cocaine and waffles, or whatever, but ‘Revenge of the Living Dead Girls’ I don’t know, the mixture was...was...just off.

As I said, the plot was not this films only problem. The gore scenes were weak. Really weak. I’ve seen better shit on made for TV movies. And the zombie girls, not scary. Not scary at all. Their faces were like cheap ass Halloween masks but their bodies were normal. No signs of decay or anything. Why the hell did just their face change? The acting was horrible, I’ve seen better acting in a Cinemax porn. 

And the English dub overs...WOW! It was worse than those Godzilla movies from the 50's. I could go on and on but I’m gonna stop there. By now you get the point. ‘Revenge of the Living Dead Girls’ was a total fucking flop. I’m not sure what this movie was trying to be, but whatever it was, it failed. I would not recommend this movie. Unless you want to see a bunch of nudity, piss poor acting, and don’t mind wasting 73 minutes of your life.

Well, enough about this turd, let’s get to the Numbers:

BODY COUNT - 7 (7 people, not a huge number for a zombie film)

SEVERINGS - 0 ( Gracias por nada)

DECAPITATIONS - 0 (Another goose egg)

SEX SCENES - 4 (Four fuck scenes in a 70 min movie, not bad...)

NUDITY NUMBER - 10 (Tons of it. Boobs, bush, butt, the naked trifecta! There was so much wool you could’ve knit a sweater!!)

OTHER SHIT - I’ve only got three things here, so here goes: Ya got a zombie ramming a sword into another woman’s cock pit, ya got the zombies bitting off a guys purple headed yogurt slinger, and last but not least, ya got a baby’s head coming out of some girls vag. And they show it. Up close and personal! And oh yeah, ya got the zombie girls trying to rape a girl.

GORE SCORE: 2

MY SCORE: -1 (That’s right, a -1 out of 10.)

Well, there you have it, the first post ever. Wasn't that fun! Before you bolt, make sure and browse a bit. Find Sasha Slaughter and see what she's up to. I'm sure she's up to no good. 

Until next week, take care, stay a-scared, and I am out. Peace peace and bacon and sausage grease!